chat room

[Christine UK]

It has been bought to the moderators attention that despite us making it very clear the room is for Lupus chat and related conditions,it is quite clearly being used for idle chatter,THATS NOT WHAT THE ROOM IS ABOUT....it is putting people off going in there,we all have differant religions and thoughts and they shouldnt be brought in the chatroom....so from today,we now will have to start doing the invisable mode which we didnt want to do,basically it means a few moderators will be in the chatroom monitoring the chat.,but we will be invisable..sorry but if we dont stick to the rules this is what has to happen



Last edited by Christine Lupus lady at Mar 29 2003, 04:16 AM

[Sannie]

FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE'NT ALREADY SEEN IT THERE IS A PINNED POST IN MOST OF THE FORUMS THAT GIVES DETAILS ABOUT THE CHAT ROOM RULES!

THE ONLY THING THAT IS MISSING IS THE TEA AND COFFEE - OH AND THE BISCUITS!

[Christine UK]

yes they were choc biscuits ladies but sannie licked off the choc,so the are now plain !!! :lol:

[Clare.T]

I for one really enjoy getting to know those we have already met on the forums.

As we so often say, we are not defined by our lupus. I have never been in a chat which was only "idle chatter "as you so impertinently put it

I have had long and fundamentaLLY BORING times, over and over again explaining the same things with great patience , answering q's that ought to be put on the forum like other people do often to people who pop in and never appear again.

It would be better to have them on the forums too because a variety of responses is given.

OK No sex politics and religion but why not anything else ? Just because a few people object ? Can't they post on the forums ?

"Other " talk is the nature of chatrooms everywhere !!!!!!!!! Why not have another place for "the idle" ones
All best
Clare

[Christine UK]

ok fine talk about what u all want,but the next time someone starts disagreeing with each other in there about political issues and then me getting messages because someones upset then i really dont want to know,most people have msn or icq etc,surely thats what they are for, i have many friends on here who i speak to through that



Last edited by Christine Lupus lady at Mar 29 2003, 04:54 AM

[Sannie]

Hi there

The moderators have had many complaints about the topics of conversations that go on by both memebers and 'visitors' to the chat rooms - hence we had to post a few guidelines that most seem to follow.

However there are still those people out there who seem determined to spoil it for others and it has become intolerable.

If one wants to talk about other things then why cant people use either their e-mail facility or their PM - or even their MSN like the rest of the world do?

If you have'nt come up against this problem then think yourself very lucky because it really is'nt nice to find the conversation freezes when you walk into the chat room because you have caught people talking about subjects others are offened by.

Maybe a little more appreciation needs to be shown to the moderators who are trying to keep this site and the chat room running under extremely difficult circumstances at the moment.

Love
Sannie - who has spent eight hours on here today sorting through many offensive posts, deleting misleading posts and trying to keep the calm!



Last edited by Sannie at Mar 29 2003, 06:59 PM

[LynnP]

I feel I have to comment on this as regular user of the chat room - whilst I agree there has to be rules to the chat room it is very difficult to not talk about other things in there also.

If I go into chat and there is someone in there that I know really well after asking how each other is that day - there is often very little else we can talk about regarding lupus so will often then ask about families and talk about what we have been doing - my argument is that if that is to stop then we will then leave the chat room and talk on msn therefore there will be often no one in there when others come in - maybe wanting to talk about lupus and related issues.

I, like many others always greet people when they come in and ask how they are and give them every opportunity to ask questions or talk about lupus or related issues. I wholeheartedly agree that certain subjects should not be talked about in there and I think that if they are then people should be stopped using the room but I think by restricting chat purely to lupus or related issues there will be a lot of people that stop using the room and then so defeating it's purpose - as there won't be any one there to help people when they need it.

I realise that the moderators have an awful job trying to keep this board running and making sure that it is a secure and supportive site but I think it also has to be remembered that we do have many other things going on in our lives that we rely on the support of our friends here to get us through - I for one have received so much support there following the death of my husband and have met others in there that have been through similar things - I would never have realised that if we weren't able to talk about other things - and also not everyone has or wants msn.

As a moderator of the chat room I would feel very uncomfortable reminding people in there that they cannot discuss their children or even what they had for dinner that night so therefore feel that I can no longer act as a moderator in there. I am sorry if this post causes upset but it is something I feel very stongly about - however I must also add that in all other areas I back the decisions of the moderators on here 100%

[Sannie]

Hey hang on a moment! We have'nt suggested that the ONLY topic of conversation can be lupus or lupus related subjects!

As far as I know nobody is suggesting you can't talk about your families, pets, uncles, aunts, worms, the weather or whatever - all we are saying is please don't bring sex, politics, religion or now war into the converstaion as well as it clearly upsets many people here.

You can always talk on MSN and be in the chat room at the same time so nobody will be missed if they come in and you are talking elsewhere!

I hope that helps sort things out.

[RosemaryP]

I have just messaged Sannie, regarding chat, she can pass it onto Christine. I have been impressed with the lack of conversation about war, how we have managed to keep our big mouths shut is a miracle.
Lynn, most of the time chat conversation is no problem, Saturday night/Sunday morning which I deal with is, can lead into a long time in chat. I can spend up to six hours in there, then, that night, I get sore and stiff etc too and I do not like it when someone from there objects because I am leaving either.
Lynn most of the time we have no problem in chat, occcasionally we have a jerk or two, we get rid of them, there will always be a problem with conversation in chat, some will always object to some topic for it does not affect them.
We will just muddle on, we will get there.

[suzieq]

Hello. I am fairly new to the board. I have been popping in and out of chat trying to find someone to talk to. So far I haven't but maybe that was a good thing. After reading the post I am now reconsidering going into chat. Being new I wouldn't want to say anything that is not suppose to be said. Can someone verify it for me. I can not talk about anything but lupus? What does idle chat mean? This is getting complicated and with brain fog I don't think I understand. :wacko: :wacko: :wacko:

[HelenS]

Hi Susie, you are welcome into the chat room any time and talk about pretty well anything. what we are trying to prevent are the heated discussions that certain topics bring with them i.e. the war in iraq. many times i have been in there with lupie buddies and we talk about our pets, the weather etc. that is fine. please dont be put off going into the chat, i look forward to seeing you in there. helen.

[LynnP]

There seems to be a lot of confusion here as to what can and can't be talked about or maybe it is just me being a little dense but on the one hand we are told the room is for Lupus chat and related conditions,it is quite clearly being used for idle chatter and the other We have'nt suggested that the ONLY topic of conversation can be lupus or lupus related subjects

I don't want to be a pain in the butt but I do think it needs clarifying

[Ann2]

Hi

I am also confused after reading the posts on this subject! Also - why do the moderators need to be present - but in invisible mode? That suggests that the naughty children offend when the teacher is out of the classroom! lolol - sorry to inject humour into what is obviously a more serious problem than I realise.

In my experience however, I have found the chat room to be friendly and mostly light-hearted, but if ever someone says that they need to raise a question, everyone is keen to hear it, and help if they can.

I agree with Clare also that a medical issue raised on the board does get a lot of responses from several people - which has got to be good, as various views are put forward and therefore a bias is avoided.

Discussing politics and religion is a 'no-go' in most circles. And of course people should not get into these issues, I really cant see why anyone would want to anyway.

I am sorry I dont really have an answer to all this, I am sorry that once again it is causing problems for the moderators! I do hope it is resolved soon.

Best wishes to all

Love

Ann

[RosemaryP]

Ann moderators are not always present. However if there are any real jerks in there (and there sometimes like ALL chat rooms get, there are some jerks that pick on certain people), the moderators can give them the boot. I might add also with this chat room the jerks that are real jerks, that I have struck, do not have Lupus or any of the related diseases, they are there to be annoying.
That is why moderators were appointed, we were not there to spy, I join in on conversation, and as you can see I get sore and stiff too.
I am babysitting today, so will not be in chat long today.

[tammymac]

Hi All, :wave:

I havnt been in the chat room yet, to be honest I have been scared, I think due to my bad spelling, and lack of computer skills I dont even know how to get on, Thats wear my husband will come in, lol, Anyway I wasnt aware of all the rules even on the regular posting baord, I read the claimer rules, is there more I should know, boy I really hope I havnt offended anybody or did anything that might upset anybody . Im sure I havnt but if I did I thought I would take this opportunity to say "SORRY". Quriousity has killed the cat!! I think I might see what all this is about, see you in the chat room!! And please ignore my bad spelling :wacko:

:love: A Friend Tammy

[Sannie]

Oh dear, Oh dear, Oh dear!

OK, lets see if I can clarify this once and for all!

Of course we realise you are bound to discuss the goldfishes latest antics or your kids and family but what we can't allow is conversations about the war, sex, religion or politics as it clearly upsets too many people.

Do please remember that we are there primarily to discuss lupus and lupus related issues so if someone comes in and wants to do that, we should always respect that persons wishes and continue any other conversation at another time or elsewhere.

I hope that puts your mind at rest. The last thing we want to do is make people feel they cant go in the chat room or worse still, they are scared to go in because of a few simple guidelines that have been blown out of all proportion.

Take care.

Love
Sannie


PS The moderators only visit the chat room if I leave them any chocolate biscuits to eat :lol:



Last edited by Sannie at Mar 30 2003, 08:34 AM

[Clare.T]

Hi Tammy

Talking about sex religion and politics is not allowed because people can easily be offended. The main purpose of the forums and chat is support for those with lupus regardless of the differences between us as individuals

Politeness and avoiding giving general offence are of course expected, as in any gathering.

Don't worry about spelling. :)

At first it may seem very confusing but you soon get used to it. Go to the home page and click on chat at the top.

Looking forward to seeing you there !
Cheers
Clare

[fleur]

:blink: Hello everyone! I hesitate to put my two cents in because I usually just check the posts and rarely go into the chat room. The few times I have popped into the chat, though, I must say that what struck me most was the way in which so many of the chat users seemed to be on such familiar terms - as if it was one big, happy family. And we should all realize that even the happiest of families sometimes wind up disagreeing about things. The world is a huge place and these days are filled with fear and uncertainty. It's no wonder that people might feel the need to express their feelings. I agree that offensive and/or aggressive conversation in which people or their ideas are attacked should be left outside of this site, but I can't believe that censorship should really reign within these small confines. I don't know how prevalent this problem was but I've never witnessed anything ugly in the chat room. Okay, that was my two cents - which is worth a little less every single day!

[confused1]

Sannie, Christine and all other moderators,

Thank you -- over and over again -- for the work you do. I visit the chat room usually when I feel a need to moan and groan (who else would listen to me do THAT?). So far, I've never run into anybody talking "improperly." Thank goodness. Since falling apart with this illness before Christmas, I can't stand to think or talk about anything serious in the world. War, religion, politics, sex (I think I remember what that was) -- I wouldn't choose to talk about any of those topics. But, I do have one teeny tiny suggestion. Maybe it might help if all of us take a deep breath and step back before becoming offended. Yes, we all have deep feelings about many things. Gracious, I even have seen folks say they don't like chocolate!!! Heritical. :P However, reacting strongly when someone treads on my personal sacred cows has never helped my mental or physical well being. I know it's asking a lot, but maybe we could all take the opinions of others a bit more lightly (I know sex is in a different category here and obviously the graphic stuff is in bad taste and doesn't belong).
I love the friendship, fellowship, support and warmth I find on these boards and in chat. I hope with all my heart that we can find a way to keep the boards and chat open.

Sunny

[Wendy337]

Hi, :wave:

I'm also pretty new to the chatroom, and I have a question re: discussion of sex. Does this mean we can't discuss in the chat room the issue of body image as it relates to our desire to have sex with our husbands of many years? I have gotten to know a few people in the chatroom fairly well, and it seems we were able to have a pretty civil discussion about it. It's really more about how we feel about ourselves than about sex. This is ok to talk about in the chatroom, isn't it?

Personally, I feel like Shamu the whale has a better figure than me at this point, and it's hard to feel sexy. My husband of 17 yrs has been wonderful & is still attracted to me :love:, but *I* feel ugly and therefore have a hard time wanting to have sex. So are we allowed to talk about things like that in the chat room? Personally, i think it's a lupus thing & not a "sex" thing, but i don't want to offend or get in trouble.

Could you please provide some guidance? :huh:

Thanks,
Wendy

[HelenS]

hi wendy, it is perfectly acceptable for us to discuss lupus and the way it has altered our sex life and to seek the advice of other women. sex is an extremely important part of a relationship, there is nothing offensive about discussing it in my opinion. as long as it is presented in a responsible way - we do have children/young adults who visit this site and the chat and i feel we need to be very careful how we approach the subject.

the majority of people who use this site are kind, caring, responsible people. no "sex" in the chat room B) is a guideline we mods use for those individuals who come into the chat and talk "dirty"- fortunately for us it doesnt happen very often.

please feel free to bring your concerns up in conversation, living with lupus is difficult enough, and a healthy sex life is a wonderful thing

take care, i hope to see you in the chat room. luv helen :thumbs:

[purplesky]

I'm almost afraid to say anything on here....anywhere...for fear of being kicked out. I just read and post as little as possible. :huh: :( :unsure:

[Christine UK]

sorry u feel this way purplesky but this board is read by many many people each day and as i am sure u can appreciate we have to be very careful,noone one is "kicked off" as u put it,but we do sometimes have to edit a post and we DO inform the writer of that post we have done so :D

[3forme]

Dear Dear Dear Moderators:

[SIZE=14]THANK YOU FOR DOING THIS BOARD![SIZE=1]
If I ever do something stupid, please correct me. I have received so much comfort on this site. I would not ever want to cause this site to be closed.

Thank you all for the time and patience and money you spend on this site when you could be doing other things with your time, patience, and money.
You are greatly appreciated, but those of us who enjoy the fruits of your labor don't tell you enough. THANK YOU!!!!!!

3forme

[Sannie]

Hi there

Don't worry! You will be told if necessary just like any other member will be! LOLOLOL!

The last thing anyone wants is for people to feel uncomfortable about posting here - but everyone has to also remember that the moderators have to occassionally remove, edit or delete posts if they think it necessary.

The site owner, Joanne, has posted a message in the 'Announcements' forum and if we all abide by her 'rules' we will hopefully be able to have this wonderful site back to how it once once.

Love
Sannie