how do things change as time goes by

[tink]

:love: :wave: as time goes on how do you find family change towards you ?
I am stil finding it hard ,i feel so guilty as far as my husband is concerned.
he is doing more and more as time goes on and it worries me that he will be ill .
we have just came back from a trip away for his birthday and i was ill as usual after wards which is happing more and more every time i plan some thing i end up sick again or exasted .
his family have just gave him another surprize a day at the racies ,he loves horse racing ,and thats lovely and all that .
but all i can think about is how ill its going to make me ,i know thats terrible of me but its true .
should i go or put it off ,may be he would enjoy it better with some one else ?
you know its nearly a year since we have been together this illness is causing a big gap between us.
I am so dry and in so much pain inside ,have tried creams you name it nothing works ,,or like reacently had an allergic reaction too the stuff i tried .
does anyone know of anything natural that i can use to help with the dryness inside
I don,t talk about it normaly but it is a big problem .
I know most of the time we hurt too much all over to bother any way but sometimes I would just like to be normal again.tink

[flutterbye]

(((tink))) I can understand the guilt that you feel, it's horrible to feel that way, and I can understand the 'gap' that there is between the two of you, it is like this illness puts up a big barrier, and its hard to understand or communicate how we feel. I can empathise with how doing something nice can make you feel rubbish, and its a tough desicion whether to do it or not, ther's always some sort of payback isn't there. The only thing that I know that helps my hub and i is talking, and neither of us find it easy, but I do think that with the person that you love there has to be communication of our fears and concerns. Hub has a camp trip coming up, with his cub group and I want to go along and help, do stuff that I used to do, and I'm not sure that I am up to it, or what the consequences will be, so I told him that, and it helped, because I felt under less pressure to decide right there and then, sometimes I think you just have to see how you feel on the day, and if he knows that then it takes the pressure off, but I do understand how difficult it is.
I am sorry that you are in pain, and that must be making your relationship with him difficult, and it is a difficult subject I think to broach with anybody, but please talk to a healthcare proffessional because I am sure that there are things that will help. I understand the feeling of hurting all over and it being the last thing that you want to bother with, and I also understand that you want to feel normal in that way, just for a bit. I have a problem with dryness, and for me the thing that helps is basically to extend the foreplay, so that it starts with a bath, which helps with pain and helps me to relax; massage, even in the hands of a bloke can be great for easing pain, and for relaxation, which can help with the problem of dryness, I think that it is important that you are ready, we have enough pain going on without that being another source after all. I think that talking and communictaing are the key, if he doesn't know what is going on for you then it is very hard for him to be supportive and understanding, you also need to work out between the two of you, and maybe some other person to talk it through with might help you both, I am sure that you can make this work, and i wish you all the luck and happiness in the world.

[rwb200]

Hello Tink
First off if you know something is going to make you sick don't do it. It is not worth it.
Believe me it is better he go to the races alone today then to a hospital the next week.
I have been there and have changed the way I look at this stuff because of it.

As far as him doing more and more talk to him about it. He probably does it because he wants to and he has an internal since of duty and responcibity. This duty and reponcibility includes doing what ever he can to help out as much as he can.

As far as the gap because of pain. This is a dificult area but explain to him the pain and you will probably find that he is willing to deal with this. It is better to not do something then to watch the pain in there face when they do.

If you had an alergic reaction to somthing you used first you need to identify what it was and what it is made of. Chances are some other products are made of the same stuff and you want to avoid them. Alergic reactions are many times worse each time you are exposed to the item and you do not need that.

Your Health care Professional may be able to give you some tips that will help or may be able to guide you in a search for a product that will help.