Not pregnant anymore

[Caraboo]

Hello


Sorry to bring bad/sad news to this board, but have been bleeding for a few days and my doctor sent me for a scan yesterday. I am supposed to be 11-12 weeks but the baby was so tiny only about 8-9 weeks in size and no heartbeat.
My DH and me are devastated, so i guess i have to expect the inevitable now cos the bleeding and pains are getting worse.

Just keep thinking was it something i done, was is the lupus, was it just me????

Well i really do wish everyone here the best of luck and hope you all have healthy pregnancies and lovely babies.

Maybe ill be back in this forum someday.

Thanks for listening


CARA :cry:

[janbee]

Hi Cara
So sorry to hear you have lost your baby, do try to stay positive though I know it is easy for other people to say that when its not them suffering, I do know what you are feeling . MY daughter has 3 children but has also had 7 miscarriges, it was awful being with her at those scans, and then the news we had been dreading , she never gave up nor should you anyway lots of :hugbetter: hope you will soon feel better

[sunladyb]

Hi Cara :hugbetter:
I am so sorry to hear about the lose of your baby. I don't know what else to say really except I feel your pain I too have had 2 miscarriages and I know how devistating they can be.
Take care Cara I wish you and your partner all the best.
Thinking of you both
Dawn :flowers:

[goats]

giant hugs and prayers for you

[redrose77]

I am so sorry it is so hard to hear that kind of news. Remember that it is never your fault and that as long as you work with your doctor and control your disease you can have a baby later. I will pray for you and your DH.

[Anisah]

((Cara))

Please take care. I'm so sorry to hear about this. :(

gentle hugs, :hugbetter:
Anisah

[Raglet]

Hi Cara, I am so sorry to hear your sad news, and having had miscarriages I totally understand your heartache. Sending you lots of love.

Miscarriage can sometimes be related to APS, but you have to have three early miscarriages (first trimester) before that is considered to be a symptom of APS diagnostically. But, personally I would request to have antiphospholipid antibodies checked (anti cardiolipin antibodies plus lupus anticoagulant). If they are positive then heparin is usually used in subsequent pregnancies.

But, miscarriage is very common, so it may well be that it was just one of those early miscarriages that many women have, usually because there was something wrong with the developing embryo. Very sad, especially now pgs are diagnosed so early, but very common. Something like one in three or one in four pregnancies end in miscarriage, usually in the first trimester.

take time to get over this, I am sure there will be other pregnancies in your future, but for now take time out to grieve this loss

my thoughts are with you

raglet

[rsmurphy]

Dear Cara,
I am so truly sorry you lost your baby. I know how you feel, the pain will never go away, but it will get easier to bear. You will always, and forever, be that childs mom. And you were a good mom too, and nothing, NOTHING you did caused the loss of that babe.
Please go to an infertility endocrinologist or specialist who will treat your autoimmune disease before your next pregnancy. Call every OB in your phone book and ask how many lupus or aps pts they see. Make your rheumy refer you to the Dr. they would send their spouse to. Autoimmune miscarriage and infertility IS treatable. And many women with MS and Lupus have healthy babies. I know, I have two. Heparin, Aspirin and Prednisone are drugs of choice to suppress the antibodies that target the placenta. My specialist told me to wait a full year between pregnancies to allow the antibody levels, ( I was diagnosed officially with Antiphospholipid antibody syndrome and Group B hemalytic strep, with resultant anti strep antibodies as a trigger), to subside. Then heparin, ( which I gave to myself) aspirin and prednisone were started first , as soon as I found out I was pregnant. It helped me alot to name my baby, and there are afew days now that go by without me thinking of him. Lucas Robert would be 17 this July 19th. Hugs and prayers, sue. If you have faith in God, know that your baby is fine, and in good Hands. God knows how you hurt. I hope you are comforted by that, too. I have 6 babies in heaven, and I am thankful for every day, for every moment I carried them.
And it is ok to be scared, and to cry, and to worry. And to get really, really angry with people who tell you... oh, get over it, youll have another baby, as if they are replaceable, or, well, it was meant to be, "it" was probably genetically damaged anyway.....or suggest being grateful for what you have........ as if you weren't. I finaly had to realize that these stupid people just don't know what to say, and that they probably have no idea that what they said is so hurtful. And because they just don't know how much it hurts. sue

[starangel]

Hi Cara,
I didnt know whether to answer you or not, as when I hear of people losing babies it brings it all back to me. I juat want to cry for you and me!
I have lost two babies one of them i was 5 months and the baby died inside of me so I had to have it induced to give birth to it knowing it was dead. In those days they just said go home and forget all about it. Well its 30 years ago and i certainly have not forgotten about it. Then i lost another baby 2 years after that. So when i say i know how you feel believe me i really do.
I have never grieved for the babies as i had a 3 year old daughter at the time and i had to be ok to look after her, so please if you have the time and space do grieve for your lost baby, it was your child and part of you dont deny any of that.
Dont for one minute think it was your fault, thats not the way it works, its something that happens and you cant change that.

I thought i couldnt have anymore children but after that i had another little girl, she is 27 now,so thats how long ago it was. So dont give up hope, i did and look what happened.
My best wishes are with you
Take care
Angie


ps it is very important to cry as much as you want at this time, i never did and i cant even think of those babies without getting really upset, as a matter of fact i push it all away because it is all to painful to dig it out and look at it so its all buried inside of me and i wouldnt want you to do that at your age.Talk and cry you need to.Sorry if i sound bossy but at least i do know the right way now 30 years too late!!!!!

[ShellyZ]

my thoughts & prayers are with you (all) i also lost a baby boy @ 20wks. & had to go thru labor. it's been 11yrs. & it was caused by APS. shortly after i went thru menopause from the chemo for my kidneys. we didn't have the chance to have children but GOD has blessed our relationship.
take care--HUGS!! & prayers

[Pickles]

Cara,

I'm so sorry to hear this. I wish there was something I could say that would make you feel better. I never had any kids, never got pregnant, don't know why. My hubby and I have been married 22 years; he has a son by his first marriage and I claim 3 grandkids.

Please don't blame yourself, it couldn't have been helped. We don't know why these things happen. Please take care of yourself and still come here to talk. We are here with open arms and loving hearts for you.

Hugs to you and your hubby. :flowers: :flowers: :flowers: :flowers: :flowers:

[ROSST]

So sorry to hear your news.

I also lost a baby at 8 weeks - and it still seems very real.

I am now 27 weeks pregnant and this time all is going well - good things can and do happen, just make sure you grieve for the baby you have lost.

Tracey (UK)

[Caraboo]

Hi Again

Really just wanted to say thank you all so much for your kind words.

You really are the nicest, warmest, caring people, im afraid i couldnt help but shed another tear or two when i was reading your messages.
I know you all go through so much yourselves with the lupus.

Thank you for the support and advice, i feel alot stronger than i did last week and feel that im strong enough to maybe try again in the future, although it must be hard to go pregnancy again after a miscarriage, the fear and worry must be tremendous.


Well thanks again to you all :flowers: :flowers:

Take care

CARA :flowers:

[believe]

Dear Cara,

I am sorry for your loss, but glad ;) you are feeling stronger. I tell myself everyday, it's really not in our hands...if it wasn't meant to be, then the right time will come. I guess we just have to be patient and have faith and trust.

Sending you cyber :love: :thumbs:
:flowers: Believe

[miamahalo0417]

First of all I would like to give everyone who has had a misscarriage a BIG HUG! I am only 17, but I made a mistake and got pregnant. At 12 weeks, the doctor said the baby was only about 6 weeks in size. The doctor didn't see the other baby. I had twins. I was bleeding for two days, but I had not cramping. My fiance took me to the hospital and the doctor didn't know what he was doing. He thought I just had ovarian cysts. He took a swab and jamed it into my cervix and into my uterus and ruptured the placenta of the healthy twin, and about 12 hours later I lost the other twin. The one had died, but they couldn't see the other one, so they thought I only had one. They wqanted to see if I was dialated so they used a q-tip, then he wanted to see if the bleeding was just in the cervix so that's why he uses the swab. He denied it all, by Mike my fiance was there and witnessed everythting. The doctor never got in trouble for being un-ethical, and I was left with no babies.
I know how everyone who has lost a baby feels. I thought it was all my foult the first twin died, but I guess everythig happens for a reason. We all have to stay strong.

[Pickles]

:hugbetter: Mia,

I'm so sorry for your loss also. I know you must have been heartbroken. I hope that doctor doesn't do that to anyone else. I just wanted to say Please don't think it was your fault, these things happen even though we don't know why.

I wanted to wish you and your fiance the best of luck.

:flowers: :flowers: :flowers: :flowers: :flowers:

[Dawnlouise]

Cara

I am so sorry to hear about your sad news, i don't know what to write but just wanted to say we are all thinking of you and we are very sorry. Take care

love
dawnlouise

[neytoynia]

Hey Cara,
Sorry to hear about your lost, I had a miscarriage 8 years ago, so I can feel your pain, take care of yourself and stay strong. I know it feels like other people cant truly understand what you are feeling right now, but it will get better in time. Remember everything happens for a reason and your child is in Heaven watching and looking out for you everyday. There is a light at the end of the tunnel! :love:

[Deborah Rumbles]

:hugbetter: Hi Cara, I must say to you and to all others who have wrote here,Our babies do know us, and know they are still loved,I also had a miscarriage at 14 weeks due to my SLE,please take care of you and your partner and share the grieve with each other,Thank god for this site as everyone is so caring and genuinely nice to each other, it's also important to know it was not your fault and that you are not alone, Lots of Love from Deborah(Scotland) :flowers: