He left because I was ill ...

[amybeth]

Two months ago my fiancee called off our engagement because he decided he didn't want to marry someone who was ill. I was not ill when I met him, two surgeries later, I kept growing weaker and weaker. I wasn't the tough, ambitious, dependent, fun, pretty girl he first met. He told me I was impossible and it was all in my head. In his opinion, I needed to get to the gym and stop complaining.

This is a man who claimed he was a devoted Christian. This is a man who preached about living in the likeliness of Jesus all the time. Jesus never strayed from the ill and weary. I do not understand how this man, who proclaimed to have loved me, could abandom me in such a time of pain, confusion and sadness? Further that he continues to believe the end of this relationship was indeed my fault because I never wanted to do anything, that I was sad, unmotivated.

Since he ended the engagement, I have been, finally, diagnosed with Lupus and RA (Rheumatoid Arthritis) ... just a week ago.

Part of me would like to send the ex-fiancee my definitive diagnoses that is now in writing from my Rheumatologist. The larger part of me knows the end of this engagement was the best thing. It's just very hard to see that right now as I deal with this diagnoses and realize, I am not crazy or mental as this person had been suggesting to me for months. I feel bad that I questioned myself so many times through out this year. I regret how hard I have been on myself.

My heart hurts.
Amy

[alobreto]

Hi, Amy! :o
I understand completely that you want to let this lout know how wrong he was and is about you. I'd want to if I were in your shoes, I'm sure. I don't think I'd tell him directly, though.

Instead, I'd go about telling people who've been friends to both of us about the definitive diagnoses so he'd get the word. You KNOW they'll tell him. That way you'll get the satisfaction of him knowing he was wrong without having him be able to say that you are saying 'I told you so.' It keeps you in a better light, I think.

You're probably right that it was better to have the relationship end before marriage. You don't need someone you can't depend on.

Now that you've been diagnosed, you can begin to get appropriate treatment. Hopefully, within a few months, you'll be feeling worlds better and have your medicines adjusted to better meet your needs. It may take longer for the fine tuning, but you should be on the right track. :thumbs:

I wish you well!
Regards,
Angela :flowers:

[amybeth]

Angela,

Many thanks for your kind words. It has been a roller coaster to say the least. The end of a wedding engagement coupled with the confirmation of two diseases is at times, overwhelming. I am lucky to have a strong support system from my family but I regret it doesn't usually go much further than that. Coming to a site like this has been of a huge relief, I wish I had found it sooner!

Thank you again!
Amy :hello:

[zara]

Good riddance to him. That sounds like a success story to me. :highfive:

At least now you won't have to live the rest of your life with a hypocrite. He did you a favor. There are many wonderful men out there and he turned out not to be one of them.

Too bad for him, but good for you.

My friend's mom has MS and she met a great man after her diagnosis, and he has been with her through all the ups and downs. ;)

Good luck and take care,

Zara

[amybeth]

Zara ...

Thanks for your note. It is a tough thing to digest when someone gives up on you. It's hard to know where to displace the anger that comes from your body failing you. I feel like I could scream from all the injustices around me right now ... for now, I will rest and pray tomorrow is a better day.

:) Amy

[zara]

I believe in "constructive" revenge...hehe

One time, I froze my boyfriend's underwear in the snow. We had a good laugh after the fact. Usually, I'll just visualize getting revenge on someone. I can come up with elaborate schemes in my head, but never act on them, of course. It just helps to release the anger. Sometimes it can make you laugh. Especially if your imagination puts that person in a VERY embarassing situation. :P

You're right. It will take time to get past this. Keep coming to the boards and let us know how you're doing. :flowers:

[Melody2]

Hi Amy,

I just wanted to say that as painful as it is when someone leaves you because of your health, you are better in the long run. Imagine if you had married him then he had left you. He's the type of person that cannot handle difficult times, and marriage encounters hard times whether a spouse is healthy or not. Life can be unpredictable and at any time... someone can become ill with a chronic disease at any time (as you did), or be diagnosed with cancer, or be involved in an accident of some sort that changes their state of health. Real committment sees you through that, and if he couldn't handle this, then he wouldn't have been able to handle anything that else that came up and caused stress. When I met my husband I was healthy and he was the one suffering from complications from a long ago automobile accident. The time came around where his health got under control but eventually the shoe was switched and it was me that ended up sick with what was later diagnosed as lupus. We have been there for each other one hundred percent. Had I not been patient with his health problems I may have lost the opportunity to have a committed, loyal and loving husband. My point is there are people out there that can cope with others problems; people who see the person beyond their struggles. You will meet that person one day and you'll look back and feel so glad that you never said 'I do' to a man who in his heart was saying 'I can't and I won't.' It is sad that people who are supposedly devout Christians don't practise what they preach. But people will be people, just be sure that you keep your own faith in your beliefs, your family, and yourself and you'll get through this.

Take care,
Melody :luck:

[Pickles]

Amy,

I'm so sorry you had to go through this but you're better off than stuck with a man who may have left you after you were married with kids.

I think I would copy what the doctor wrote and mail it to him and say I TOLD YOU I WAS SICK!!!! Thats just me though. :blink: :blink:

Seriously, Its good you found out now who your friends are. REAL Friends are there no matter what, sickness, poverty, anything. You deserve someone who is special like you who cares about you no matter what. In sickness and in health.

I wish you only the best and hope you find someone out there who can make you blissfully happy.

:flowers: :flowers: :love: :love: :hugbetter: :wiggle:

[Vida]

:hugbetter: hi amy :hugbetter:

i wish to echo the comments already made by others and i hope you begin to heal soon.

i have a suggestion to help with the anger you feel - when you feel angry punch a pillow - i have found this a great way of relieving stress, and when you feel ready copy the letter from your doctor and post it to him.

:flowers: :flowers: :hugbetter:

[zara]

I have one more tip. Be listening for "the break-up song". You know what I mean. ;) Then play it over and over again and sing at the top of your lungs.

I find that helps.

[gretchenb5]

Oh Amy :hugbetter: ,

I've been in your shoes -- when I started getting sick about 10 years ago, I had been living with my boyfriend/fiance for 3 years at that time. Same kind of thing happened to me -- we supposedly had a wonderfully communicative relationship. But he grew resentful that I couldn't go out and do things with him -- I just wanted to rest. He thought it was all in my head, and that I'd rather sit in the house than be with him somewhere else.

We stayed together for another 2 years and finally broke up because of the above. That was the best thing that ever happened to me (not at the time, of course). But let me tell you what's happened since...

I dated lots of guys, and discovered that there are many who will run when you are really ill or look "funny" or really need them. I also discovered who my true friends and family are, and I discovered how strong I really am!

And then, because I kept my heart open, I met Bill. Although I STILL had not been diagnosed by that time, I became very ill soon after we met. He tells me now that he didn't have to think about it for long -- he knew quickly that he wanted to be with me and FOR ME, and he has never let me down. I am incredibly lucky and blessed that he came into my life. It's only been recently that I've been diagnosed, and he is my rock (and I am his).

You will find yours -- you will look back on this time, eventually, and know that this happened for a very specific reason.

For now, be kind to yourself, let yourself be angry and sad (it's when you keep it bottled up that the stress builds). And eat lots of chocolate! ;)

Please, please let us know how you're doing,

gretchen

[shopgirlsw]

Dear Amy, I to went through almost the exact same thing as you. I was fine when we met, then started getting sick, also went through 2 surgeries. It was the day I came home from the second surgery he called and told me over the phone, he did not even have the b***s to tell me in person. And yes we had been together for several years and had planned a future together. I think I was in shock of not only how it ended, but how he never even discussed what could be worked on. He just did not want to be with someone who was sick and tired all the time.

It took me several years to get past it, and finally move on. My heartfelt sympathy goes out to you. But YOU will be better off in the long run which is hard to see right now, but you will.

Sincerely,

Shopgirlsw
:love: Hugs

[pokey13]

Hi,

I feel so sorry the man you loved let you down when you needed him the most, I've been there too. But i was married to the jerk. He couldnt deal with me being sick all the time gaining weight because of the prednisone and no support to me at all. I of course blamed myself. We had a son, but still the jerk was of no help to me, and I knew it was over when he said to me that he wished I had cancer so at least HIS friends would know what HE was going through. Well we divorced and I got through it. Its hard, when you believe in for better or worse and sickness and health. but count your blessings you found out what kind of man he was before you invested to much time in him.
You know what sweet revenge is ?
Just knowing he will get his two fold.
What goes around comes around.
PS I am now in a wonderful relationship with a man who loves me for me and I trust completly, to be there for me.

You stay true to yourself and take care of yourself and you will get through this, your health is what matters now
~Angela

[amybeth]

Aloberto, TeriJ, Melody2, Pickles, Vida, Gretchen, Shopgirl, Pokey ....


Thank you all for your kind words of support, for sharing your own stories with me and for sending such heartfelt wishes to someone you never have met before. I am overwhelmed with emotion as I reach each new posting, with some I have laughed with others I cry.

The wounds are still new and his hurtful words echo in my head. The hardest part is knowing that this person, who was in my life, continues to tell mistruths about our relationship, its end and me. The all too willing grapevine confirmed this for me. It is very frustrating not being in a place to defend yourself. :tantrum:

For now ... I cry when I need to. As a writer, I write a lot about my illness, heartbreak and the frustration of no longer being who I used to be.

I cannot tell you how much your words have meant to me ... each posting has made me stronger and for that I am infinitely grateful.

Best always,
Amy

[chantal]

ur beter off without him, now that u have seen his true colors!! try to think of this as a good thing :huh: that u found out he was an ass before u married him :flowers:

[hurley]

I agree with Chantal!!! Well said. ;)

:love:

Julie

[kurlykim]

Amy, Amy, Amy.....
I have kissed alot of TOADS to find my prince. Self strenght and self love has keept me whole. Dont let anyone break your sprit. You will find Mr right just when you least expect it.(((((hugs))))) for your pain, it will pass.

[joannemc]

Hi Amy, now that you have a dx, you need to concentrate on that and moving forward with your life. Nobody is saying its going to be easy, but that doest mean you wont find somebody who cares about you and does not judge what we go thru. Im sure your hurting now, but with love and support, I think you will be just fine. :thumbs: Thers lots of support here, you have to take of yourself before you can take care of anyone else. I have faith in you! :flowers: Hugs...Joannemc

[Deb11]

Dearest Amy, my heart goes out to u. Please be strong and take care of YOU!! I read all the posts that responded to you, I am with them. I am going through a very similar situation, only we still live together, its a constant battle, I am exhaused from it, it gets so crazy, then when he has a drink he can talk, but he thinks "i need to go for a walk". yeah ok, maybe off a short bridge... :lol: he just doesn't get it , even though he says he does... NOT....my heart hurts to esp rite now , and after hearing about your situation. It really stinks. We moved in together back in 2000. After years of being divorce, i wasn't out there I was focused on raising my children. then he walked in , i fell hard for him & him for me,( he was a man out there on his own divorced for over 12yrs...and i never thought that i would trust again. I was dx in 2001. now I fight for 2 causes our relationship and this crazy, unpredictable SLE. Which has effected. It is very hard,between the pain, exhaustion, and the lupus has my central nervous system, so the brain is half or less of what i used to be...sometimes i want so bad to get out. Esp when he tells me i am a psyco....there is nothing wrong...then after the fact, he says he was just being hurtful...All in all the truth is that if i really look at out relationship, we don't have one. Please give yourself a huge hug and move on for you are stronger than me.
my luv, deb :flowers:
please feel free to email me any time you need a shoulder or an ear :love:

[teabellyjules]

:wave:

I am going to be blunt, "There but for the grace of God go I". If you do send him a copy of your diagnosis then I would put a piece of paper with it with that quote. :thumbs:

I really feel for you, I agree with what everyone else has posted and I want to send you lots of :hugbetter: . You must be going through so many emotions and at the moment you may not be able to see further than the next day but a good therapy may be to write down how you feel etc, of course this will be private to you and for your eyes only.

I will be thinking of you and I am sending you lots of hugs
Jules
XXX

Ps Sorry Deb, I also feel for you too and am sending you lots of hugs. You are stronger than you think Deb, it takes strength to be able to post :hugbetter:

[rwb200]

Many men are unable to deal with changes that are so hard and they will just run. It is better that it happened now rather than after you were married but that is very hard to see at this time.

Religion of any type can be a devotion or it can be a shield. You decide what his is. I know I have my oppinion.

As far as it being your fault. I have never found anyone that ended a relationship that it was there fault.
It is always very easy to push the balme on the other people. He does not want to say that it was his decesion and he is a creep that could not coupe. It is much easier to say it was your fault. Diagnoses will make no differnce what so ever. He will either just say well it isn't as she acts or some other excuse that comes to mind at the time. Excuses are cheap and easy and are much easier then saying I was wrong and it was me that did this.

truth is he just could not coupe and he ran.
Also remember that you do not need revenge that life will do that for you. What comes around goes around, you reap the seeds you sow, it is karma or a hundred other expressions that all say the same thing. He will get his and his time is coming. One day someone will hurt him. You may never know it or hear of it but it will happen.

For now just understand that there are those who do care and the God that he prays to so much decided to do you a favor and get him out of your life now rather than later.
Thank Him for this favor and start to concentrate on you. That is all that matters at this time.

[dudley]

Hi Amy

My 2 cents. I know it hurts. Bit if you really think about it this guy did not practice what he preached.

your body and heart will soon heal.

He does not deserve you. I knew it is hard. been through it myself but time heals all wounds of the heart. Hopefully not his though.

Elaine

[macfamily53]

Dear Amy

I do not know you personally but you sound like a wonderful caring person. I am sorry you lost the love of your life as you thought anyway.Some people just cannot handle those situations. I had a nieace that was married to wonderful man and she divorced him because he got cancer. I still cannot believe she could do that to him. I was not even diagnosed with Lupus at that time but thought wow I could never dot hat to my husband. I tell you i still worry about it to this day with all the doctor bills and me not able to work. I am helthier but still i sometimes blame myself. I worry that the stres will make him want to run away. He says that he never will do that but I still cannot help but worry about it every so often. We have been married 23 years now and he is still around. I am blessed but what I am getting at is that you will find that guy I know you will. I am hoping you family support and friends. I have asupport group that I go to once a month. That might help you if and when you feel like doing it. Good luck and lot of prayers go out to you. Keep us posted.

[lovebabyaustin]

I'm so sorry that happened to you.....
Although it's painful right now, it's better that it happened now than later after you were married.
With Lupus, it is vital that you have family and friends that will support you no matter what. I've had lupus for 15 years and just got married 4 years ago. My husband is wonderful. He knew I had lupus when we were just becoming friends. When he started becoming interested in me, he wasn't scared off by the disease, instead he started educating himself about it so that he could help and encourage me. Don't settle for less!!! There is someone out there who will love and embrace you for all that you are!!!

Jenny

[lupusgirl]

[FONT=Arial][SIZE=7] :wave: Hello Amy, Iam sorry for what has happened to you, but iam a great beleiver that time will heal your broken heart.. There is someone out there for you who will understand your illness and what you are going through.. This person who you were engaged to was obviously a selfish man who only thought about himself, and was ignorant to what was going on around you, which really infuriates me with people.. :hissy: Please beleive me when i say god has sent someone for you, He is just waiting for you to start looking again.. :love: Take care sweetheart, my prayers are with you..xxxx

[Mighty Oak]

This dreadful disease, though it's inconvenient and painful and exhausting, forges swords out of unworked steel, carves beautiful sculptures out of simple rocks, and builds magestic mountains out of earthquakes. So far, everyone I've known with serious chronic illnesses has been made of some stronger metal than the rest. I have been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and Lupus. My closest friend has Hypothyroidism. We are sometimes the only two in the room who really understand each other on bad days.

She gets crazy, depressed, and irritable, but she is always and forever elegant, strong, and engaging. I once told her about a photograph I wanted to take (had I owned a camera). I'll describe it to you. There's an open air plaza near where I live that has long, rectangular fountains tiled inside in cobalt tiles. The water runs over them so clearly that you can see every detail. A nearby tree had dropped several leaves into one of these fountains, and two of them stuck on the tiles before the water fell off the edge. The bright yellow of the leaf, the deep cobalt of the tile, the stark white of the grout and the large, sickle shaped chip in the edge of the last tile. The elegant ripples in the surface of the water forming a sort of melted, concentric, circular mirror pattern in the water, it was beautiful. She then said to me, after a moment, "do you know how remarkable it is that you can find and appreciate that kind of profound beauty in the world? I think that's truly special."

Someday, someone will see not just the damage this disease can do to you but also the amazing lessons you have learned from it. Some people see the damage from a storm or an earthquake, others see the wealth of possibilities in the rebuilding. The forest fire leaves the earth refreshed, nourished, and enriched for the next season's growth. Someone will see that in you and have no choice but to love you, appreciate you, do everything possible to cherish every moment with you (be it out on a date, at a movie, dancing, or curled up on the couch together as you rest, exhausted from a flare up).

Be strong, we're with you!

--Oak

[amybeth]

It has been several weeks since I wrote my first posting about the end of my relationship. I continue to be overhwhelmed by the kindness and wisdom you have all shared with me ... what an amazing group of people you are! I was initially devastated about this loss and while I am sure it will be with me for a long time to come, each passing day gives me more peace and strength, identity and hope.

I can't help but think of a specific poem right now as I stand at this crossroad in my life ... I'm sure many of you will recongnise it ...

The Road Not Taken


Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth; 5

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same, 10

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back. 15

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I?
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Robert Frost (1874?1963).


Thank you all again for your strong words of support, kindness and best wishes. I would wrap my arms around each one of you if I could!

Healing With Time,
Amy

[Mighty Oak]

I'm so glad you posted this topic here. It's as important to offer support as it is to know when you need support. If I could learn that, my life would be much easier, I'm sure. ;)

Keep hanging in there!

[Vanilla65]

Be thankful you weren't married. Not saying it doesn't hurt now, but at least you weren't married.

Never feel that any of it is your fault. And, Christian or not, has nothing really to do with it. My husband does not claim to be a Christian nor does he cliam to be trying one. It's a man thing. There are some men that aren't like that though, (they'er just few and far between) and God can let you meet one of them that will treat you very nice and encourage you and help you.

My hubby is planning on leaving as soon as he gets enough money. He doesn't like the fact that I'm not able to work and help him provide for us and our son.

Will be praying for you though that things will work out for the best.

[Paulin46]

Originally posted by amybeth@Jun 4 2005, 08:27 AM
Two months ago my fiancee called off our engagement because he decided he didn't want to marry someone who was ill. I was not ill when I met him, two surgeries later, I kept growing weaker and weaker. I wasn't the tough, ambitious, dependent, fun, pretty girl he first met. He told me I was impossible and it was all in my head. In his opinion, I needed to get to the gym and stop complaining.

This is a man who claimed he was a devoted Christian. This is a man who preached about living in the likeliness of Jesus all the time. Jesus never strayed from the ill and weary. I do not understand how this man, who proclaimed to have loved me, could abandom me in such a time of pain, confusion and sadness? Further that he continues to believe the end of this relationship was indeed my fault because I never wanted to do anything, that I was sad, unmotivated.

Since he ended the engagement, I have been, finally, diagnosed with Lupus and RA (Rheumatoid Arthritis) ... just a week ago.

Part of me would like to send the ex-fiancee my definitive diagnoses that is now in writing from my Rheumatologist. The larger part of me knows the end of this engagement was the best thing. It's just very hard to see that right now as I deal with this diagnoses and realize, I am not crazy or mental as this person had been suggesting to me for months. I feel bad that I questioned myself so many times through out this year. I regret how hard I have been on myself.

My heart hurts.
Amy
Amy, this man was not meant for you. If he was, he would still be with you. :(

So many people do such ungodly things in the name of Christianity! You are right, he is wrong. :angry:

I know it hurts, but try not to focus on him, he is not worth it! You are better than he is and he doesn't deserve you.

Take care of yourself hon, you are now your own best friend. Someone else will come and love you for everything you are..........don't give up sweetie!!! :flowers:

[helloos]

Hi Amy. I am sorry for what you are going through and cannot imagine what you are going through or what you feel.

I think that it is hard for anyone to deal with a disease, whether it is you or someone else. But, that is not the reason not to be with someone.

I also agree that it is a good thing that things ended prior to your marriage.

I think that you deserve to be happy and this probably wasn't going to be a good decision for you in the long run.

As I can't explain the actions of your fiance as you can't and no one can, there is really no use trying to figure it out.

You are a good person, you have strong beliefs. Don't lose sight of that from wrong doings from others. Perhaps this was not your prince charming and not meant to be. There is somone out there for you as I believe for everyone. Try to concentrate on yourself getting better. Once you are feeling better, you will begin to heal and move forward. Things happen for a reason. In the future, I truly believe you will find out that reason. Things pass with time. This too shall pass.
Hang in there and put a smile on cause you are worth it. His loss.
Paula

[daisy222]

Hi Amy,

I was so sorry to read what you have had to deal with and also so grateful that you wrote about it.
I'm in a relationship with a man who is scared of illness. (been together 5 yrs) He has some days when he is supportive and then others when I don't even think I know him anymore. I find it so hard to comprehend the way so many men seem to behave about illness especially having read all the above posts; so many men, so many cowards.
I guess that 'caring' in general comes more naturally to women as we have maternal genes, but if you love someone how can you not care?

I truly love my partner and hope everday that he will be more understanding and he does show glimmers of change that I cling onto.

I am not very strong right now and feel like i couldn't cope if he left. I then hate myself for thinking this :tantrum:

At present he seems supportive and always tells me he loves me I just hate feeling like i'm waiting. Waiting to have a bad spell or episode and to see his reaction. It's so draining :cry:

Anyway thankyou for being brave enough to write about all the above experiences, it really helps to not feel alone

Daisy x

[kinnikinnik]

my heart goes out to you. :cry:

even though he professes to be a devoted christian -- he's still human -- with everything that goes with being human. at least he told you now, before you got married, instead of after -- but i know it doesn't make the grief any less.

when things are going good in our lives, it's hard to realize how vulnerable we really are, and how everything could change overnight, or even in the blink of an eye. illness, injury, and death are some of the most difficult things we, as humans, have to deal with in our lives -- because it forces us to deal with how vulnerable we really are. him leaving you does not mean you are weak-- it means he is. he is weak, afraid, and just doesn't want to deal with it -- so he ran away. he may not realize it now, ultimately, it will be his loss.

take comfort in knowing that if you always try your best everyday, then you are all the person you ever need to be. :goodvibes:

take good care of yourself -- even the little things you do for yourself can make a big difference. :cloud9:

[Deborah Rumbles]

:love: Dear Amy, He is the loser babe, not you and you will come to feel that he did you a favour by going, it is hard to be left but at least you were not married and had a couple of small children.(My X-husband did this too me) I had two boys aged 2 1/2 and 4 1/2 and was awaiting a dx about lupus.The positive things about this was 1. I lost a whole heep of unwanted fat ( HIM )
2. I met a beautiful man, who is now my best friend, soulmate, father of my boys, and my husband,,We are about to celebrate our 3rd Anniversary on Halloween.Ans I think thank god about the first one going as I would not of found true love and happiness,Doug knew about my SLE and has helped me cope through days of pain and frustration.I wish you loads of luck :luck: :luck: in finding that very special man, who is out there waiting for you. Your X is not a good person wether he is a christian or not, it doesn't make you automatically nice and compassionate because you believe in Christianity.

[debralee]

((((((((Amy)))))))

I am sorry that oyu have had to go through the stress of a break while going through the stress of trying to get dx. It is stressful enough just going through one or the other. :hugbetter:

I thinkg ouy are better off with this man in ouyr life. Sometimes peolpe claim to Christians ...... but forgets what is expected of them as a Christian. In a way, ouy are lucky to find out before ouyr marriage that he would only be there for ouy in the better times and not the worst.


If it hleps ouy to move on in ouyr life then I agree with some of the others reply.... let him know either through an email or by a friend of the both of ouy. But find forgiveness for what he has done and time will heal ouyr heart.

Now taht ouy are dx and as the drs. fine the correct medications for oyu, ouy will start to feel a little more like oury old self. Sometimes just having a dx its self is peace of mind.

In time ouy will be guided to a man that will stand by your side and support ouy in the good times and bad. As fro now .... constrate on ouy and getting better. You will always have up and downs ........ but with the correct meds. ouy shoudl have more up days. :)

God Bless,
Deb
:love: