I could feel it

[Lourie]

Hello to all again. My greatest fear has come true. My husband told me he couldn't handle me being sick and I have posted about it. Thought maybe I was over reacting but I was wrong. After my seizures started he quit talking to me or touching me or anything of that nature. He couldn't handle me being so sick so he has left. He promised to make his car payment and insurance and the cell phone bill. What more can I ask for all those things have to do with him. It's definetly going to be a struggle trying to keep a roof over my childrens heads and keep the bills up but I can do it. I just cant believe 9 months of marriage and it's all over now because I have seizures. I wish I could control them and that he didn't have to see that side of me but I cant. They finally got me on meds to control them as of yesterday so I have been seizure free and today he has left. I guess I should be grateful he waited for my seizures to stop first ha. I don't know whether to cry be angry or hate him for not loving me regardless. I loved him so much and I just wanted him to love me like he said he did. I did my share of dating and had some really nice men in my life who excepted my girls and I and I pick a guy that does this. My kids are handleing it well because they came to hate him because he would not help me in anyway while I was sick so there like good riddins he was more in the way then anything. I guess I should be grateful there not distraught but it still hurts so bad. Is it that bad to watch a seizure. Thank god my kids are here for me in whatever I need. I love them so much and appreciate them more then they know. I tell them all the time but I know it's not enough. Thanks for letting me vent. You all are great as for me I am a mess!
Lourie

[flowergarden]

I'm so sorry, Lourie! You must really hurt right now.

I think most of us would like to have someone who would love us and cherish us through anything. But it's not always going to happen. My husband of 23 years left when I developed a deep depression. I had three teenagers at the time. It was very hard.

Has it been bothering you that your husband hasn't helped you in the bad times? That has to have been stressful for you and the girls. I'm wondering if eventually it's going to be easier on you not to have that drain on your mind and body. In my mind, he didn't love you very much.

I find I get very lonely, especially when I'm unusually ill and there's no one around. It's something I'm going to have to learn to deal with. I hope your daughters can help you avoid that.

Thanks for posting. Let us know how things go, please. :hugbetter: :flowers:

[Lourie]

Flowergarden,
yes absolutely it has been bothering me that he didn't give any comfort as I would of him because I love him very much but I did express my feelings and told him I need him right now only for him to say "what do you want me to say". He has changed so much since we had gotten married. Right after we were married I was diagnosed with sle, fibro, and RA. I am only 33 so I guess he thought it would pass in a short time and now its neurological damage. I agree he didn't love me and I guess facing that is what hurts the most. I am kinda embarassed now for telling him I needed his help and support. All the while he just ignored what I had to say. I do have friends who care for me very much but it seems they all took vacation at the same time and even my parents are on vacation until the fifth. Maybe that's a good thing cuz I don't wanna be a mess in front of anyone. Wow it's amazing how something can hurt so bad. I am sorry for your loss after 23 years. I haven't invested that much time but this is my second marriage the first one lasting 13 years and 3 beautiful girls. Deep breaths and maybe the pain will go away soon. I just don't want the kids to know how bad it hurts me. I have to be strong. But how? The tears get right to the top and then I push them away. If I could just get rid of his memories it would be so much easier. He use to be so nice. Thanks for the kind words and the support I sure can use it.

[kurlykim]

Lourie,
I am sorry but I just can not stop thinking that he is doing you a huge favor. I am sure that some time soon you will realize that this is better .You you need to fill you life with posative and caring people having health problems is hard enough.

Somedays I feel 99 at age 34.

The good things are you having wonderful girls to keeping you busy. I have two of my own and it is important for us to teach them how Not to let people treat us. You deserve better. Someday you will find Mr Right. Pain and disapointment is natural you are only human. (((((hugs)))) for you.

[zara]

I had a chuckle when I read that your kids came to hate him. It reminded me of what I went through as a kid. My parents divorced when I was young and my dad started new relationships with other women. He married and divorced one, and got engaged to another. My siblings and I didn't like either of these women. We could see right through their superficial personalities.

When we met the woman who has been my stepmom for many years now, we instantly loved her. She genuinely wanted to be our mom, without replacing our mom, and be a part of our family in good times and bad times.

I hope you find a man that will embrace your family the way my stepmom did. Make sure to get your kids' stamp of approval too!! Also, my mom never remarried and she is perfectly happy. She dates younger men for fun. :lol:

[Anisah]

(((Lourie)))

I honestly don't know what to say. I'm just so very sorry that you and your children have to go through this, especially when you need support so much right now.

Please let us help you,
cyberhugs,
Anisah
:flowers:

[Lourie]

Thank you all for your concern. I will be ok and my girls seem to be relieved that he has left. He was acting really strange and didn't want anything to do with any of us after I became ill. We will make it through and he will in turn need support and have nobody in the end. I believe what you give is what you get I would just like to be a fly on the wall when he gets his. Sounds mean I know but he is very selfish and not the guy I knew. I sure wish I could have told the future on this one. I guess God doesn't give us anything we can't handle ao here's my test. Seems like one of many tests lately. Sometimes I wonder what I did to endure all this this past year. Hugs to all of you!
Lourie

[kissthewind]

Hi,
I am so glad your seizures are under control. And I'm very sorry for the loss you feel for your husband who you had come to trust as major support and partnership in your life. Again, I'm glad you're able to see both sides of this coin, that the way you describe the way he was unable and unwilling to really be caring or compassionate, you're better off without that stress. :thumbs:

You say you don't know how you have endured this past year:
I want you to keep in mind, that the way you endured this past year and are still finding ways to endure, like allowing us here on the site to support you, is a tribute to your strength even inspite of your health challenges and the problems with your marriage. We're here with and for you. I'm learning as I get older, that real families come in many, many forms! Be gentle with yourself and let your girls take good care of you as you take care of them too.
Warm hugs. :cloud9:

[flowergarden]

Lourie, I'd like to add that I don't see anything wrong with letting the girls see some of what it's like for you to be angry at and yet miss your husband. That's all part of life. It also might help them see that the person we pick isn't always the best one for us (as teenagers this would come in handy) They need to know the heartache that comes with even a relatively short relationship. They also need to know that a relationship MUST work both ways.

I sympathize with your heartache and all the difficulties you've had recently. May your future be brighter! :flowers:

PS: My neighbor and I decided yesterday that the black cloud that hangs over our two houses just HAS to dissipate some time! It can't stay here forever. :nono:

[Lourie]

Thank you all for your support and I just want to let all my friends on the site no I am doing really well as far as the relationship ending. The girls have been great and friends helped me secure my house so I feel secure and nobody can get in. I went almost 2 days with no seizures so I am thinking alot was from stress and my seizure meds are definetly working. The only thing I have going against me now is I haven't eaten in 3 days. Last time I tried I became really sick so I figure when I am ready to eat my body will let me know. Thank you all again for the support and this site has helped me through some serious hard times. I have to go in for that spinal tap on tuesday and I am hoping maybe they can tell me there dx of lupus was wrong and it's something so much simpler. Wishfull thinking ha! Can they tell from a spinal tap if they were wrong? I just want some good news for a change.
Cyber huggs to all,
Lourie