need advice

[Mrs. B]

I am new to this site but am asking for any assistance with our situation. Three years ago our sister was told she has Lupas. She was put on medication and went thru a lot. Our family is very large but very close. We educated ourselves and attempted to assist her in her needs as she progressed. Her husband divorced her and she is physically unable to work any longer so her son took her into his home. In the last year she has decided she doesn't have Lupas anymore. She has stopped treatment of any kind. Her health has steadily gotten worse and she is barely able to do day to day functions to take care of herself. Our family is now at a hard decision. We have attempted repeatedly to get her to the doctor but she makes excuses. We have done everything except tie her and gag her and drag her in. Her son recently had a disabled child and is now unable to continue care for her. We as a family need to find the best alternative to help her yet we do not want her to feel that we are trying to get rid of her. Her mental faculties are not what they use to be and we want her to understand we are trying to help her. I was wondering if anyone could give me ideas on the best way to handle getting her to see doctors again. I also need to know how to place her into an assisted living situation without her feeling that we don't want her. Any ideas as soon as possible would be greatly appreciated! :)

[cath]

Dear Mrs B,

:love: Hi - you have a diffucult one there :love:

I don't have any great suggestions but I have a few questions-

How old is she?
What country do you live in?
Are you in a city or a rural area?
Do you think she would be classified legally as a competent adult or is her mental condition such that she is not competent to make decisions for herself?

Those factors might play a role in what sevices are available to you.

It could be that your sister takes help and advice more readily from an organisation than from her family, or maybe it is the other way around. You know her, and I don't I am afraid.

Even if she doesn't want professional help, you can still ask for advice from professionals. Do you have access to a social worker or citizens advice beureau?

Sorry - this is a really tough position for you all to be in. :(

Please feel free to come here for support :flowers:

X C X

[jude mack]

:( I am sorry you are in tha position, that has to be a hard one. Can you intervene and get gaudianship over her. You would then be able to get treatment for her. I had to do this to my sister 3 years ago and though it was a hard thing to do. she is very thankful today, and is living a normal life. I have only one sister, no bothers, we depend on each other allot. Take it easy. Jude :flowers:

[Mrs. B]

THANK YOU BOTH FOR THE CONCERN! :thumbs:
Here are the answers to your questions:
I don't have any great suggestions but I have a few questions-

How old is she? 42
What country do you live in? USA
Are you in a city or a rural area? CITY
Do you think she would be classified legally as a competent adult or is her mental condition such that she is not competent to make decisions for herself? SHE IS COMPETENT FOR THE MOST PART. THERE ARE DAYS WHEN SHE CONFUSES REALITY WITH FANTASY. FOR EXAMPLE SHE WILL REMARK ABOUT DOING SOMETHING SHE HAS JUST SEEN ON TV WHEN SHE HAS NEVER DONE THOSE THINGS. SHE FORGETS HER PAST SOMETIMES BUT ONLY THE LITTLE THINGS. WE DO NOT BELIEVE THAT SHE IS INCAPABLE OF MAKING DECISIONS ON HER GOOD DAYS AND EVEN ON HER BAD DAYS WE DO NOT TREAT HER AS IF SHE IS CONFUSED OR WRONG. SHE GRADUATED MAGNA CUM LAUDI FROM C0LLEGE AND IS A VERY BRILLIANT WOMEN. WE DO NOT WANT TO TAKE THAT AWAY FROM HER. THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR ALL YOUR CARE AND CONCERN. WE ARE GOING TO SIT WITH HER AND HER CHILDREN TONIGHT TO TRY TO DISCUSS WHAT WE CAN DO FROM HERE. WE ARE CURRENTLY LOOKING INTO GETTING A MEDICAL POWER OF ATTORNEY. WE HOPE SHE WILL BE RESPONSIVE AND UNDERSTAND WE ARE DOING THIS OUT OF LOVE. THANKS AGAIN!!!! :D

[jude mack]

:erm: Good idea to sit and discuss it with her. You may have to push the issue, as it sounds like she is fed-up, frustrated, and stuborn. Maybe you could get her to come to this site and see that we all get the same way sometimes. I just went through that and the ladies here got me to go back to the doctors. Best of Luck. Jude

[raggedyann1]

Mrs. B,

You and your family are in a really hard place. Lupus can affect our brains it is called npsle old name cns lupus. I think if she is able to make decisions for the most part a judge would have a hard time declaring her mentally incompetent.
I can tell you that it is very hard to learn to live with a disease that takes so much of our lives. At least for those of us that are similar to your sister and can no longer do much of anything from our previous life.

I would ask if your family is a part of a religous community? That would bring in an impartial person that your sister might feel comfortable talking to. If not there are other resources available for disabled people that can be lower cost, usually based on a sliding scale. I would also suggest that the parts of her family the most concerned, you for instance, get some counseling on how best to talk to your sister.

I hope things can turn around for your sister.

Karen

[charlett]

Here are some ideas. I live in the USA so the pertain to The USA. If her mind is bot able to make choices then you can get a crisis evaluation and get an order
by the courts for someone to make her choices. Contact her DR and ask her. She may need a physc evaluation and counseling try a physchologist. I hope this helps.

Charlett