What to do and How?

[annamunguia]

[COLOR=purple][SIZE=7] Ever since I've been diagnosed with lupus and etc... I've been so worried yet scare of the future..My life has been a drastic change when I lost my job and now, I've been unemployed since. Time I have now, but to do what and how drives me into confusion. Sometimes, I find myself unable to do anything and/or I'm so depress that I just don't care to go outdoors at all.

My husband years ago used to take me out and now, everything change :(
d. He tells me that otherwise that he's change sexually What! His drive is not their no more. Does that mean he doesn't love me??? He tells me that he loves me the same. This is where I'm so confuesd yet wondering otherwise.

Need some responses......HELP!!!!!

Life has been so different for me in so many ways with family, financial and more. Fighting for disability and waiting to see from there what happens also.

Thank you for allowing me to get this out in the open.

Anna

[blestby3]

Dear Anna,

Men in general having trouble with not being able to fix aproblem or situation. So with that said he maybe feeling a bit depressed that you are not as healthy as you were and he doesn't know what to do, nor able to "fix" the problem. Perhaps you both need to talk to a councilor or attend asupport group in your area. Has he gone to the doctors with you? My wonderful husband still has trouble sometimes and I have been sick off/on for our entire marriage (25 years).

I will keep you in my prayers and let me know if there is something else I can help you with! B)

[annamunguia]

[FONT=Geneva][COLOR=blue][SIZE=7] Thank you Tonya for your response. My husband has never been with me at any of my doctor appts. I'm keeping my head up and communicating with him. I decided that we need a vacation so, we are planning to go to Las Vegas in November. We are looking forward to this trip. Although, I'm not certain if I am because on last previous trip. Our trip to San Antonio was nice but no interaction in the evening. I've tried to wear something nice that would grasp his attention but no response. Maybe it's just me. The beautiful perfumes, bubble baths nothing works to get the attention.

Sometimes I wonder if this going to remain the same for long and if so how much longer?

Thanks again Tonya and have a great day.

[jm_jazzy]

Dear Anna,

Maybe its just him and you having an illness is an excuse. You sound exactly like my cousin whose husband said the exact same thing!

He told her he still loved her but didn't desire her sexually. He said she was still hot but well he just didn't feel like it. Said it was the 'pressure' of having to live up to her expectations. She has lost weight, bought sexy underwear, massages, etc and still she says that sex is an effort. He doesn't seem to mind but she does.

So perhaps it isn't you. Perhaps it is him and he doesn't feel like it so he has found a good excuse.

Not sure but I hope your trip away goes well. Brings the spark back :cloud9:

:love:

Jodie

[Tom]

Anna, :wave:

I do enjoy hearing others talk about men here, and this just is one lupie-mans opinion. :D

I am on both sides of the coin. I have Lupus, and my wife is disabled from 5 back surgeries and chronic pain. Being honest here, I do worry about hurting her when she feels up to it, but I have never turned her away in 19 years. She doesn't even need to wear anything sexy with me. I have a hard time understanding these men that have lost their sex drive. :huh: After all my heart and other related Lupus problems, my drive is still well and good (The little blue pill takes care of the rest :thumbs: ). I may not be as active as I was before, but it is still an important part of our marriage.

There are special clinics that deal with these problems for men. They figure out the problem, and give them the proper treatment. If your relationship is open, I would let him know how important this is to you. That you really need him there for you. (We love to feel needed)

I do hope things work out for you soon, communication is the key.

Take care. :flowers:

[annamunguia]

Thank you for last response letter. The other day I tried to kiss my husband and he pulled away. This drastically tore my heart open. At that very moment I told Joel we needed to speak seriously. I explained how he has made me feel lately and painful it hurts me. Just a moment ago, I tried to kiss you and you pulled away why is that??? :lol:

J. said, what do I mean? He took it wrong for some reason although, I spoke calmly and softly to him. I tried hugging him as I was talking but he siked himself out. As if he was somewhere else... :( Wish I was there with him). :rolleyes:

The discussion preceeded although, nothing came about...
I feel as if I'm speaking to myself because he doesn't give me no response back just stares at me only. I'm so confused yet :nono:

This past weekend we were alone (no kids) and nothing...he went to sleep. How boring was it :shake: Don't know if I should just give up or ????? Only heaven knows.

I miss my husband (friend, my rock) we used to be so compatible yet loveable couple...

Love is beautiful yet difficult when the other doesn't meet half-way.

I still believe in my heart that he loves me but alittle shaken inside.

Thanks, Anna

[alobreto]

Hi, Anna! ;)
I am SO glad that Tom weighed in on this issue. It's good to hear the other side of the story.

I have a feeling that your lover isn't pushing you away because of something that YOU aren't doing right. From what you say it sounds like he may have a problem with performing. It sounds like he is AFRAID to try because he'll feel humiliated if he is not able to get and keep an erection. From what you say, he may be pushing you away, not out of a lack of love for you, but out of a fear of being a disappointment.

I don't know how you'll get him to the urologist or even his regular doctor in order to talk about this, but it can make a world of difference in both your lives and your relationship with each other. There are medicines that can help with performance problems, and there are other treatments that can help.

One thing I'd do first, is take the pressure of performing off of him completely. Ask him if he'll cuddle with you just for fun with no expectation of sex. I tell my hubby this from time-to-time simply because it's fun to be like teenagers who are doing everything EXCEPT the big one. Tell him you want to play 'virgins,' or some other 'game' that you come up with that he'll understand.

By taking the pressure of performing off of him, you may see in a short time that he does just fine touching and holding you. These intimate encounters can open a dialogue about sexual issues when the time is right that can lead to honest interactions if done in a non-judgmental atmosphere.

There is no need for BLAME in this kind of relationship. In fact, there really is no good place for it. Stop kicking yourself, girl! It's obvious that you're doing your best to rekindle the spark. There is no simple answer, but getting some physical affection from your man without expecting more for the time being can be a worthwhile venture and lead to some hope and help for more and better things to come.
Regards,
Angela :flowers: