Why was he so hurtful

[pearless]

Last night I asked my husband to please move a chair for me. He said " I cant my leg hurts." (he bump his chin yesterday on a cro-bar) I then asked can you at least help me? He than said "You may be used to pain but Im not" WHAT? How can anyone be used to pain? I surely am not!!! How can I explain to him that Im not used to pain, that I cant handle it most days and end up crying alone?
pearls

[jude mack]

(((((Oh Pearless)))))

I am so sorry hubby doesn't get it, that is hurtful. And you shouldn't have to cry
alone. Maybe the only way for him to realize you don't get used to chronic pain,
is to cry right at the dinner table. You could also get your doctor to talk to him
about this. Man I don't see an easy way for you to deal, with this one, but I'm
sure someone else will. I used to cry alone, not anymore, and my husband,
knows I'm in pain, because it is his shoulder I cry on {just not too often}.
Take care. Love Jude :hugbetter:

[helloos]

Hi Pearls. I know that people can be insenstive to pain of others, but you only hope that your spouse is not one of those people. Maybe he just had a bad day and the words came out wrong? I would maybe talk to him about it and tell him how you feel. Maybe it will work out. Talking it out and being honest is the best way I think. Hope it improves for you.
Paula

[Shelleyshells]

Wow! That's a new one for me. Used to it? Unbelievable. :angry:

I sure hope that you will have an opportunity to communicate with him about how hurtful his remarks were to you.

I wish that I could give you a "big ole hug"! :thumbs:

I think the careless remarks hurt the worse when they come from family or close friends.

:love:
Shelley

[Regina]

Hi pearless :wave:

what can I say, typical, unless it involves them then they are not interested. some men dont have the capacity to empathise like us women do they? I often wished with my hubby that he could just feel how I feel for just one day, just so he would know how bad this illness gets.

Dont be too hard on him, he probably was just doing what my hubby does which is speak before he thinks. :wacko:

Dont be too sad, just try and explain how his comments upset you because of how much pain you have to cope with on a daily basis and how thoughtless and insensitive he was. Believe me, whether he means to do it or not my hubby does the same I think its a man thing.

Im sending you some flowers to cheer you up :flowers: and a big hug to make you feel better :hugbetter:

take care and hope he says sorry

Regina xxxx

[flowergarden]

Can he drive you to the rheumy's? That's quite a ways for you to drive by yourself. Then he just might as well go in the exam room with you "to help you remember things". If you write or call the doc first you can clue them in that your husband could use some education. Hopefully he will listen to a doc, even if he doesn't to his wife.

I hope things go well for the two of you. Part of what I like about being single is that I don't have to convince anyone by myself that I'm sick. (Of course, nobody's there when I need someone, either. It's a toss-up sometimes.):flowers: :flowers:

[northstandgirlie]

:tantrum: Hi Pearls,

Sometimes our guys come out with stuff that - even when you look back on it - makes you think "I can't believe you just said that!"

My husband is also a little like that. He has a tennis elbow problem that can be rectified with surgery, but he keeps leaving it and leaving it. When I say I'm tired, he says "so am I". When I say my joints ache, he says "so do mine".

I often feel it's like some sort of game with him. If I say my pain is a four, no doubt his will be a five. :cry:

Last week I pointed out that mine will never change. His will go if he has the surgery. I won't get used to it and nor will you pearls. :(

So remember - your pain won't go. His will. Ask him to be a bit more understanding :hugbetter:

Failing that, get back on the board here - there are LOADS of us who understand!!
Rita x

[alobreto]

Hi, Pearless! ;)
I just want to add my 2 cents, here:

What is needed as soon as possible is some RELIEF of your pain. There is no reason that your pain should be at such a level every day.

Ask your GP or rheumy for a referral to a pain specialist doctor, an anesthesiologist with additional training in symptom control. Some ignorant docs believe that pain specialists are ONLY for folks at death's door. NOT SO!

A pain specialist would present you with OPTIONS for pain relief, not just meds, although they are not afraid to prescribe what it takes to make your life worth living.

If I didn't have my pain specialist, I'd be miserable. Instead, I'm able to enjoy things and not be left to cry alone.
Best regards,
Angela :flowers:

[rwb200]

how does your husband react when he is sick ?
I ask because I bet he lets the world know he does not feel good and wants to be babied.
It sounds to me like he has the little boy in him showing and he wants to be babied because he has an owee.

I have seen many men who are like this. Alot of them that do this are the biggest toughest men you ever seen when they feel ok but when something is wrong the world is going to know it and they are the biggest baby you ever seen.

I know this wont do anything to help you but I hope it may help you to see what is going on.

Can you get used to pain. Not by choice. Some just have to learn to live with it because they have no choice and are not the type to let the world know.

Just to let you know. many times woman are the stronger sex not the men.
I don't mean physically I mean mentally and in stamina.