Pushing limits...

[Tom]

A deep thought...

I find myself always pushing to have a normal life, even though I know I'm going to pay for it later. I'm really not sure if it's good or bad, it just seems to be part of my nature.

I know there are some things I can't do anymore, but I can't help doing more than I should. Maybe deep down it's fear of the inevitable, or could be as simple as the primal instinct for men to protect, provide and take on a challenge.

I have learned in myself that there is a well of power very deep that I can tap into when I really need it. It can pull me out of depression, or get me through when something has to be done physically and I am out of strength. It's a big part of how I deal with this disease and live my life.

Is it just me, or do we all work this way? :unsure:

[AnM]

Hey Tom,

I used to do this a lot when i was younger. I didn't want to deal w/ an ilnness i suppose; but i reality hit hard every year when i was in the hospital at least once a year for 1 thing or another- (i couldn't prevent mind u- it wasn't from overdoing :rolleyes: )

But, I can understand the wanting to live a "normal" life, and not have to necessarily think about every little thing. I think in my case it was b/c i was young- i was a kid.

But, there still were a lot of things i didn't do at the same time. But, I would push myself a number of times w/o saying anything- and a lot of times i kept my moth shut.

Anyways, won't go into that. But, wanted to say, i did understand. It's hard dealing w/ this and learning to ,live this this illness. & even after some yrs. u still will push yourself at times, but i think maybe a lot less. :flowers:

I stopped a while ago pushing so much- and let myself fall alseep if i needed it, and let people help me out sometimes also. It's hard to let people in sometimes and let people do for u sometimes and give things up, but sometimes u can find other things and and u realizer what you ARE doing it for.

Take care hun, hugs,
Alicia :coffee:

[confused1]

I've always been a person who, if I got tired, just pushed harder. It always worked.
Then I got sick. There's nothing left to push against. I understand that fear. I am very afraid of what will happen when the people around me realize fully just how little I can still offer. I try to push, but nothing happens now. Not only have I hit the wall, the wall has now hit back. I am trying to study some disciplines of the mind, but mine doesn't hold information well anymore.

It's not a "guy thing." It's a human thing. Fear lives and breathes down all our necks. The pushing is our way of trying desperately to light a candle to hold the fear at bay.

Sunny

[jude mack]

Hey Tom

I always try to push my luck too, and I pay for it. This time I think I have learned
it doesn't pay. I have never had such a mean flare ever and don't ever want to again. I think we all push it now and then, just to feel what it was like before lupus.
Or in my case just to feel useful again , or that I still can even if it half kills me.
Take care Jude :P

[iandelta]

Hi Tom when i was younger i played for 3 football teams,tennis,badminton, and cricket, now i get pain watching them on t.v :lol: i cannot even tend to my own garden anymore and im 47 :( so i know how u feel we just carrie on what else can we do chin up mate speak to you soon Ian

[keebler]

Hi Tom,
I don't think it is a guy thing. I push myself today. I took my mom to a doctor's appointment. Afterwards took her shopping. Got home, couldn't stand my house so started cleaning. I did this knowing full well I would pay the price for it. :wacko: I don't like having lupus run my life. I guess I would like to feel in control of my life. My wonderfull hubby helped me a alot today too. :love:
By the time supper rolled around I could feel myself going down hill. But hay part of my house is clean. ;)
Don't worry it is just human nature to push ourselves.
Take care,
Keebler :wave:

[Anisah]

Hi Tom, :wave:

I'm not sure if it is a guy thing but I wouldn't doubt that men are more apt to push on and ignore when ill. Not that some women don't do the same, but I can see how men might be more prone to it. I can see it in my Dad a lot, and my brother too. I push too, mostly because I don't want to give in per se but I also know when to stop so I don't ignor signs anymore.

Denial might be a part of this? I still have times of denial. I guess it depends on what and how hard you are pushing, but pushing yourself 'too hard' is not good for you in the long run?

I think we all need to live our lives to the best we can. We also need to take care of ourselves and to take care of our sick bodies (its the only one we have!). Its such a fine line.

There's no disgrace in realizing that you can't do everything you once did either. Maybe this is more difficult for a man to accept, I don't know? This has been difficult for me at times, i.e. to accept that I need help with so many things, including personal needs.

I hope you can get through these adjustments without too much pain and difficulty.

take care,
Anisah
:flowers:

[Shelleyshells]

:shrug: I don't really think that this a male or female thing. I think it has to do with a lot of factors

The way you were raised, your self-esteem, your personality, your drive, etc.

I do think that it must be harder in a lot of ways for a man though. Especially if you are "old school", being the provider and protector.

Men are usually the ones that fix everything too. Cars, roof leaks, yard work, home improvement, etc....

:sigh: The more I write, the more confused I get! LOL! Maybe it's because it is 1:15 am!!

:yawn:
:love:
Shelley

[Starrgazerlilly]

Hi Tom

I went through a long patch of pushing myself because I thought I was heading somewhere, not sure where but I suppose maybe I felt that I had some responsibility for getting myself better or at least that I could make my life better through having exercise and a bit of social contact with others. In my case I was wrong.

I was on this awful emotional and physical rollercoaster ride. I was so acutely ill all the time on top of the chronic illness but I was afraid if I stopped trying to do things that I would never be able to start again. It's not that I was doing that much, just too much for me. The thing was, I felt so ill doing whatever I was doing that there was really no pleasure in doing it anyhow :cry: which was a really disappointing thing to come to realise.

It eventually dawned on me that not only was I doing myself no favours, a big part of the reason I was so incredibly low emotionally was cos I was so out of my depth and feeling so ill and in pain that it was nearly driving me insane. I was always so devastated when my body failed me and the disappointment would hit me afresh each time.

Now I'm maybe the opposite, I don't push myself nearly so much and am emotionally more stable and feel less constantly horribly ill. The only problem is, I have no life of my own to speak of and it definitely is more difficult to get inspired to do anything cos I know how bad it makes me feel. I've gone from one extreme to the other :blink: and I have no idea if it's a good thing or not but at least I don't cry or hurt quite so much. It's a different more bearable kind of disappointment now.

I think it took even more emotional strength to let go and accept my limitations than it did to push myself. The line between acceptance and giving up is a very fine one.

I'm female.

:flowers:

[Tom]

Thank you all for your wonderful responses, :goodvibes:

It's great to have other views to realize what is going on in ones mind.

I do think now that this is part of a long term acceptance/denial issue for me. A battle to keep doing as much as possible for as long as I can. It kinda feels like a clock is ticking in my head to try to get everything done while I still can. Worrying that the day will come when I can't do these things anymore. I don't think I'll be sorry in the long run, it's just a sad reality. Hmmmm, maybe a little depression going on here... :sigh:

So in the mean time I plan to have as much fun as I can and eat plenty of chocolate. ;)
(Personally, I think it helps keep this disease distracted!) :P

[Lily]

(((((((((Tom)))))))) you always ask the most tricky questions :P I was waiting till I got more spoons and was contemplating my answer :) I'm still pondering :lol: still waiting on my spoons ;)

I have times where I'm accepting ( I used to call it being defeated ;) ) but then I realised it was being mature and grown up not something I was used to :lol: I'm more accepting, I've made more adjustments, but I still break the rules, just not as often as I used to!

Go easy on yourself, emotionally and physically try and look at the grand scheme of things, is it important to spend quality time with your family or finish that fence. You may have to break things down into manageable quantities, but that's a learned thing. In the meantime chocolate and exercising my laugh lines works for me.

love
Lily

[rwb200]

I think to push is normal for anyone. At times this can be a phase of denial. ( I can do this. I'm not really that sick )
At other times it can be a desire to live what we think is a more normal life. ( Others do this I can too )
But most of the time I think it is because we expect more of ourself then anyone else ever expects.
The hardest expectations to live up to in life is our own expectations. We are naturally harder on our self then we are on others, we are our own worse judge.
To give an idea of what I'm saying. Many here would tell anyone that was pushing it that they need to slow down and do no more then they are able to do and feel good.
While this is good advice at the same time they are pushing there self and will at some point be the one that we are telling this same thing to.

[mamascan1]

(((((Tom))))),

As Lily said, you've once again given us something to ponder. I was always a perfectionist, I know-terrible burden for anyone to bear. I grew up believing I could do anything a man could do, and most times I did. Ha! I learned how to work on my car by reading a Chilton's manual, I could roof a house, I could go longer than the energizer bunny! I always wanted to do things right away, couldn't leave things left undone-it would literally wake me up at night thinking about it.
Having this illness has changed all those things. I know that I can't push as I used to. If I'm just fatigued, I do keep pushing as personally I've found that resting when fatigue is the only issue, just doesn't resolve itself. I posted last year that I had burned my "Wonder Woman Cape", as I just kept tripping over it, and certainly didn't want to hang myself with it. It was quite liberating. :D
I think of it not as a male/female thing but as others have said, a personality thing, a child rearing thing.
Thank you for your post. I was feeling "blue" as I haven't been accomplishing as much as I would like. I realise I can do as much or as little each day as I am able, and must content myself that as a fact of my current "limitations". Oh how I hate that word! :angry:
You are not alone as many can attest. It is great having you here.

Hugs and Chocolate,

Michelle :flowers:

[Tom]

style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/Thanx.gif

Thanks again for your great replies which have brought me to another question.

Do you find that the harder you push, the harder it pushes back? I have found myself having the worst time after pushing almost the whole summer. It seems for me there is a limit of how far I can go, and it makes a difference on severity and recovery time.

I also wonder if the same rules apply to our good days. We all enjoy a good day but usually do much more than we would on a normal Lupie day. It seems like we all pay for it to some degree. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/ermm.gif

Guess I'm still working on figuring this whole thing out. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/shrug.gif

[zara]

(((((Tom))))) i hope you start feeling better soon. Rest, rest, rest. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/flowers.gif

I don't think there is a good answer to your question. It seems the nature of lupus is that it is somewhat unpredictable and elusive. The limits of what you can and cannot do change from day to day, week to week and month to month.

For instance, yesterday i woke and i felt better than I had in weeks. I was somewhat euphoric because I started milling about in the morning and i still had energy! So then I got more ambitious and did some cleaning, went shopping, hung new curtains, etc. The result was that I crashed later that day and I still feel like poop today.

You never know what will happen for certain. You can try your best to guess and gauge the risk vs. reward of the activity. The only thing I would recommend is now that you are in this situation take care of yourself and rest.

Personally, I don't think I will ever give up using the energy I have when I get it. It feels like a gift when it arrives.

Bottom line is that i don't think lupus knows many rules. (P.S. I like the cat avatar style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif )

[confused1]

Hi Tom,

Sorry you're feeling so bad. When I push -- and I do fairly often and almost always to save what scraps of self-respect I have left -- I pay. Soon and inevitably. I live with pain all the time and so I think I know it well. When I push, I learn just how much more that pain has to offer me. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/crying.gif

Don't beat up on yourself. Your disease will be glad to do that for you. And don't feel that you are lessened by your inability to carry on like a 20-year-old. We all pass from the age of agility to the age of wisdom, if we are lucky.

Sunny

[crispy]

i find that pushing oneself is important. maybe if i didnt push myself to go about a normal life, then who knows how i would feel. i know if i do too much on a good day, ill pay for it, but i feel its better to try, than to sit on my arse and let it beat me. i personally feel that there may come a day, when i cannot do certain things, so im kinda trying to live as 'normally' as possible. i know we are affected differently, and some of you are just not physically able to work, or do things that you used to enjoy and be able to do, but i think that to live for today is a good way of thinking. even if the easiest of tasks takes twice as long as it should, dont be put off, do it. do what you want to do, not what lupus lets you do. it takes away so much from us, but it cant be allowed to take away our spirit and determination.........................im not saying that having 40 winks is wrong, if you fancy a knap, thats cool, but your sleeping because you want to, not because lupus makes you want to.

im boring myself now, so ill leave you with this thought.

'if something demands respect, then it isnt worth respecting'

chris

[AnnieMarie]

Hi Tom,

I am really starting to believe that lupus and type A personalities go hand and hand.


I hope that lupus lets you feel better soon, and lupus hurry it up style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/bigsmile.gif Type A right back at you!

Annie

[barefut]

Hi Tom,

I thought it was a WOMAN thang. Guess its just a LUPUS thing.

On good days, we feel so good just to be feeling good that we feel like we can conquer the world!!!

Then the big bad wolf bites us in the ass again...harder.

Good days we tend to try to play catch up for all the bad days too....

Stay happy, healthy, safe and warm!

Barefut style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/flowers.gif

PS.
Is it my imagination or are there a lot of Washingtonians here? There's a story in Lupus Now Magazine about a woman from Orting, WA. too.....

[ironcaster1]

I am not sure that it is a guy thing or not, but i do know that when i mow the lawn or other yard work, to the home repairs, and play football with my boys i do pay for it dearly. but it dawned on me this summer that i feel bad if i lay in bed, and i feel worse that i am not able to play ball with my boys and nothing is getting done. so for me i tend to push through regardless of how i am feeling or will feel. i would rather just feel bad physically and not add the emotional bagage. My boys are very understanding and when i cannot play with them the bring the games to me. in responce to the second part does it push back- and i would have to say yes- and hard.
when i can push be in pain and suffer and still get work done- i don't have a whole lot of compassion for those who need to crawl in bed when they have a common cold.

keep plugging along
Todd