weight gain and Husband

[zamsci]

Hey all just venting. My husband has been giving me hints the last few months that i'm gaining alot of weight. Its more like he is gazing in my eyes and he says we need to exercise. Or how much did you weigh when we met 8 years ago? or its 8pm at night and we just finish eating he says we should go work out tonight! but i guess he is trying to reach out and that why I love him and this would probably been fine a year ago before I started having syptoms of lupus , tired, joint pain, musle pain, swollen body parts. i figure let him go with me to see remetoligost and let him explain that predisone makes retain water, increase apaititie (sp) and so on ... not my husband if there is a problem he wants to fix it--i guess his willings to ride this through is what makes me not take things to heart but of course its the side wards glances, the over weight comments, his comments about thinner members in my family.:( ITs like when I get down to like 7mg of predisone I lose some of the weight but I trade for increase pain then I have to increase larger amounts and I blow up again. I express that to him he was shocked and said don't stop taking your medicine we will just work out :cry: ( i'm thinking does he not understand i'm not well? I want to believe he is in denal or is me just in resistance ---sometimes I do feel well enough to do some lite execise but after dealing with my 2 toddlers 1 and 3 I'm like beat or try to save my energy for them.
and whats worse I saw a recent picture of me in a swim suit and I could not believe it was me it was like I looked swollen :sick: --I'm talking an easy 60lb gain I look at least 265lbs or more i guess it really depressed me :cry: I pray things get better its been 6 months since I was diagnosis so are really just facing new ground.

[Shelleyshells]

I'm so sorry that you are going through the added stress of weight gain. And then to have your husband constantly remind you is another big stressor! :angry:

Your hubby really needs to go with you to the doctor. And, you should have him read the "Letter to the Normals" which is pinned on the main boards.

Having a chronic illness, and two very small children...good grief!

I'm glad that you have joined the boards and come vent all you want!!

:love: Hugs!
Shelley

[hurley]

Hi Zamsci

I just wanted to let you know that I gained a lot of weight when I was on the pred and I was eating VERY LITTLE. I've been off it for over a year and am still trying to lose the weight I gained. My weight still fluctuates quite a bit - I think because of IBS.

Don't be hard on yourself. I don't think there is much you can do about the weight gain so learn to work around it. You can buy a few clothes that hide the rolls :o until you are able to come off the pred. Make yourself feel pretty. Get a nice haircut. Take a relaxing bath (I like the Batherapy products - they really relax you and make you feel feminine). Walmart has a lot of really cute nighties you can wear after your bath and they are relatively cheap. I purchased several long ones and it makes me feel better about myself to have something pretty to wear in the evenings (after my bath).

It's difficult to see your body change like this but I think that acceptance is very important. You can't fight the changes the steroids cause but you can realize that you are beautiful regardless of the scales (don't get on them). Look at Oprah. She's beautiful at any size and so can we be.

Pamper yourself. Be good to yourself. The comments are hurtful. I hope he comes around but just remember that you are the same beautiful person.

Hugs.

Julie

[jjoyl]

HI Zamsci :wave:

there is a post on page 1 named appearence changes by tazzytnt take a look!
as for your hubby, he loves you talk to him tell him your pains are preventing you from more activity than the kids on a daily bases! print out some things for him to read about lupus fatigue and pain, or as the others have said have him go to your next doc appointment with you so he can hear for himself that more activity may not be a good thing, our bodies are already worn-out from fighting lupus then add on toddlers, too much could force a lupus flair and then your med doses may go up and the fight gets even harder, with the weight. one thing i read about lupus is that we are supposed to sleep more than the avarage bear and relax our pains away not beat them away on a stair master, i dont know about you or the other lupies but the more activity i do besides the kids and house work the worse i feel.

:wiggle: YOUR FRIEND jamie joy /MrsKwiK :coffee:
e-mail jjoyl@comcast.net , if you would like!

[hobomelody]

[FONT=Impact][COLOR=purple] :wiggle: Hi Zamsci,
Some people have a hard time and don't understand. I'm lucky my husband does but my mother keeps making comments about me not doing enough and being lasy. I don't have chlidren but I do have 3 dogs who are like kids so they keep me hopping and I work 12 hours days. You might want to seek counsling with him so he can start facing the facts. Lets face it before you found out what it was you where hurting and tiered alot if anything now you are doing better because with the meds you don't hurt like you did. If he loves you he will love you no matter what. Lets face it for better or worse was what is in the marrige vow. Hope everything works out for you. God bless and good luck

[confused1]

This is a tough morning and I'm not feeling diplomatic or ...... can't think of the words but they mean understanding and giving the other person the benefit of the doubt. I am angry this morning. I gained 40 lbs taking prednisone and neurontin and eating my way through pain and despair. My husband was good. The world around me was lousy. People looked at me as if I was some sort of disgusting pervert. "Oh, Sunny, well I would never have recognized you ..... you just look so......different......oh my."

Well, #$%^ them. $#&* them all.

Tell your husband that if he loves you, he will stick with you "for better and for worse" and that if he can't do that without being mean then he's the south end of a donkey going north.

I have lost 30 pounds over the past 6 months. Not easy. The "buffalo hump" on my neck from prednisone hasn't shrunk one bit. But, surprise-surprise-surprise -- people from my "past" are suddenly being sweet and caring when I run into them in public. They have missed me, want to have coffee with me, would loooooooove to see me soon. Well, %^&# them. They didn't want to have coffee with me when I was fat, why would I want to have coffee with them now that I've lost weight?

Sorry for the screed. We're all trying as hard as we can to survive this disease that takes our best and leaves us with pain and despair and fear of the future. Those around us should hug our soft, pillowy bodies and offer to bring us another doughnut!!! If they don't, then #$%^ them.

If this is too rude, please will some moderator take it away and put it in the hopelessly-rude-post-graveyard.

Sunny

[ladyjane]

I too had a similar problem with a thoughtless hubby who made me feel worse about myself, alhough in retrospect if the roles were reversed then I am sure I would not have been sooo unthoughtful. I now have for the last five years lived by the rule that life is too short for worrying about how others see us, ie fat thin pretty etc, as long as I am feeling fine about me that is all that I worry about. The way I look at it is when you die people at funerals never say wow she was a lovely thin person do they? No they say how nice a person you were etc so if people dont like what they see etc then tell them to turn round and look ellsewhere (or maybe even the mirror) or wear darker sunglasses.

There is a joke that goes something like' Hey yeah I might be big but at least I can lose my weight, you're ugly but you cant lose your face can you'

Keep smiling :lol:

[rwb200]

I can tell you from first hand experience that he does not understand, it is very hard to understand. There is no way another person can understand or know just how it feels to have something like Lupus.
It took me a very very long time to understand just what my wife felt like and when i did finally get some idea it struck me like a ton of bricks.
I knew she had pain but did not understand what the pain was or how it effected her.
I knew she had to take meds and they each had there own set of side effects but did not understand just what the side effects would do.
I read book after book and talked to person after person and I never did really understand until the day that she and i was having a conversation about how she felt that day. She told me that she " felt Good that day but feeling good did not mean she had no pain it meant the pain was less that day. That for her there was no such thing as a day without pain "
Suddenly them words just hit home it was like getting hit by a car it hit so hard.
I had never understood this and how could i not understand it ?
I had never realised this and how sad that fact was. It was not said to be mean it was not said harshly it was just a matter of fact statment.
For so long I had struggled to try to understand and all of the sudden here it was and it was probably one of the saddess things I have ever heard.
No day with out pain and good day the ones we all look forward to still had pain.

I can't tell you just what will get through for him or what will make him understand but I can say that no matter what he has been told it is very hard to understand this thing and when he does it will hit him as well.
You may never know that since he may not show it but it will.

[Deborah Rumbles]

:thumbs: Hiya hope you are feeling that you can be overweight and still be beautiful,there are a lot of thin people that are not beautiful inside and I am also overweight and sometimes this bothers me, it's drug induced and also SLE inflammation of the kidneys,but my husband is my best friend and he has never said that I am fat,even if I know it.
I have put on 5 stone in the last 4 years.Nobody is perfect in the world and after having children womens bodies do change,Maybe he should stuff a tangerine up his nostril and see how giving birth feels.....(Or if you had a caeserian it's a major op) that takes so much out of your body as well as cutting through stomach muscles that can never repair.

I think he sounds like he really needs educated on lupus and how it effects us.Maybe he should make an appointment with his GP and find out exactly how it effects you. My husband is a life saver and is very clued up infact more than most medical employees, he always knows when I feel like sh*!

He also tells our family and friends who sometimes act like their is nothing wrong with me,or that the fact I've not been in hospital for a month makes me better.I WISH,I am sure he is just confused and not meaning to be hurtful, be honest tell him it hurts when he mentions your weight, it is not as if we can't see it ourselves.

And after all being a mum takes a lot of time for your body to adjust.I feel your husband needs to re- adjust the way he thinks and understand more about lupus and how it effects us daily..Children are very demanding but worth the trouble I have 2 boys aged 14 and 12, it does get better.Although when mine were 1 and 3 I felt like it was never getting easier.Believe in yourself and reassure yourself that you are a beautiful woman.Take care. : :hugbetter:

[kinnikinnik]

i can really relate to the weight gain problems!
i was sick a lot during adolesence -- joint pain, severe mono, hypothyroid, bronchitis, pneumonia, depression -- but the most i ever weighed was 170 (pounds) which was okay for me because i'm tall -- 5'11" -- with quite a large frame.
so i'll start at age 20 -- i weighed 170.
after 1st kid -- age 21 -- 190.
after 2nd kid -- age 24 -- 200.
felt real sick again -- docs said it's "all in my head" -- ages 25-26 -- yo-yo'd wildly between 200 and 230.
got better -- age 27 -- got back down to 190.
felt real sick again -- age 28 -- thyroid again -- back up to 210.
got better -- back down to 200.
felt real sick again -- age 29 -- autoimmune problems -- 230.
age 30 -- 240.
age 31 -- 250.
age 32 -- 260.
now -- at age 33 -- my weight is 270.
i weigh 100 pounds more than i did at age 20.
i weigh more than i did at the maximum of my 1st pregnancy -- 212.
i weigh more than the maximum of my 2nd pregnancy -- 238.
i've been off prednisone for almost 2 years now -- but my weight is still out of control.
now i look like a big, puffy balloon -- i don't even recognize myself anymore.
thyroid tests come back within normal range -- even my ana tests come back within normal range now -- so the docs say the lupus is in remission -- so why don't i feel any better?
doctors tell me eat less -- i don't eat much most times -- i rarely feel that i have any appetite.
doctors tell me exercise more -- how?! -- when i'm so exhausted, in pain, and woozy-dizzy all the time -- i do walk for 15-30 minutes every day (on a treadmill at home when i'm feeling too sick to go out) -- then i'm usually wiped out for the rest of the day -- and when i push myself to do any more -- i just get even worse.

this is so not cool :tantrum:

okay...i'm done venting...

[Stephie_Anne]

i was very worried about gaining weight when i was put on prednisolone, the doctor told me if you keep to your orginal diet you will be okay and u wont gain weight but of course i did, b/c if i didnt eat when the steriods were growling from inside my stomache id be sick, so when i did gain weight i stopped taking my medication which was a very bad idea i had a huge flare up and was in servere amounts of pain.
i learned the hard way now iam on 2mg of pred and i have lost 3 stone,

never stop taking your meds, you can always loose weight after.

good luck all love to you all x

Stephie x style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/wub.gif