Preparing for the idea of labor

[songbird]

Hi friends,
This really isn't related to lupus, but...

I am scared to death of labor. Petrified. I hate needles and I don't want to do anything that would increase risk to my baby, so I will avoid an epidural if I can stand to do so. But, I just don't know how I will handle the pain. I have tried watching lots of labor and delivery shows on TV. Have actually seen epidurals given, C-sections and vaginal deliveries on TV since I was 9 or 10 (Mom's a nurse and thought it a good idea). Right now, though, watching just scares me more.

I know reading books helped me get less scared by lupus--does anybody have some to recommend? Any other ideas about what I can do?

Thanks in advance!

Songbird

[alobreto]

Hi, Songbird! ;)
You are definitely NOT alone in being frightened about a new experience that is known to be very, very hard work. :afraid:

I can tell you from experience, though, that the TRULY difficult trial is the next 18 years after labor ends! :love: Labor is actually the EASY part.

As you approach this new experience, try to keep in mind that in the scheme of things the time that you labor is really very short and the reward at the end is worth every minute of it!

Something that has proven helpful to many is attending prepared childbirth classes with your baby's daddy or a trusted friend to help be your coach when the time arrives. Just knowing some options that YOU can do during labor to decrease discomfort and also knowing you won't be there alone can help tremendously in setting the stage for a more comfortable labor.

I wish you well!
Angela :flowers:

[Luptyloo]

Hello Songbird! I would say along with Alobreto childbirth classes can help immensley. As I mentioned in another post, I took the Bradley Method with my second child, and found them very helpful, educational, and fun. I took Lamaze with my first child, and did not get as much out of them as far as labor preperation. I had an epidural with my first, and the second was on the bathroom floor, odviously natural!! :o (Home birth was not the plan!! :o ) (I have pics of his birth 2 mins after, still attatched!) Anyway, after having taken both, the Bradley method is more geared to preparing and practicing for "the marathon of life" in my opinion . I would recommend them wholeheartedly, especially for those who want to go natural. Hope that helps!! :hyper: Nikki
PS-I also agree with Alobreto -labor is the easy part!! :wacko:

[Anisah]

Songbird,

All I can say is that it is amazing how quickly we forget about the pain once we hold the baby - and even more, start wanting to go through it all again right away to have another baby! :o It is true. You will probably forget about the pain the second you hold the baby. And within a few months you may desire another baby and sure enough you have already forgotten about that pain. :goodvibes:

take care,
Anisah
:flowers:

[birdie]

if someone was to ask me how painful and what was childbirth like I could not answer them. All I know and remember that it was painful but cannot remember how painful. As someone has suggested go to your antenatal classes and take your partner/hubby with you so that you can both get prepared for the delivery of your child. Some people even write a birth plan out as to what they want, if that is going to help you go for it. That way no one is mistaken as to what you the mother want.

Good luck and hope all goes well for you.

birdie

[neytoynia]

Hi songbird,

I was horrified at giving birth also, after going through a horrible tragedy and loosing virginity and ending up pregnant at the age of 13, I ended up delivering twins at the age of 14. I was scared out of my mind, but it actually went quickly and felt like a bad bout of constipation to me, after the head is through you can call it a wrap. I wish you the best of luck!!

[BARRON]

Dear Songbird,

Obviously as you are a member of this site you suffer from pain of some kind that has no end and no use.

There is pain with childbirth, but it is not unbareable pain and unlike some other pains its does end and there is a reward.

Your body is very clever and is designed to carry and then give birth to a baby. Both times I have given birth I have been totally amazed of the way your body seems to do it for you.

Instead of being scared of giving birth, look forward to an amazing experience with the greatest reward. LIFE.

Perhaps you should post us just as labour starts and we will all mentally help you push! :hyper:

Good luck and don't be scared.

Tracey

[pennylp]

Hi there,

Well I will add my two cents in this one.... we go through the pain of lupus everyday the aches and all the pains.and what do we have to show for it???? more pain.... right?

But when you go through the pain of childbirth what do you have a beautiful wonderful baby... Trust me when that baby is put in your arms all the pain of labor is forgotten....

When I gave birth to Matthew.. The first thing I said to the nurse and my husband was well that wasn't so bad... Lets try for another one...

Besides it can't be that bad or else everyone would have only had one child ... So it will be just fine... Dont worry about it....

Love Penny

[Hatty]

Poor you, don't blame you being scared, it is scary to know you have a date approaching when something so important and so unknown is going to happen! I think childbirth is something that is made more frightening nowadays by all the statistics and scare stories we are surrounded by, when really it is something that has always happened and now is the easiest and safest time to do it ever!

I had my first baby at home with no pain relief at all, and although of course it hurt it was bearable. My best friend was with me, which I strongly recommend for those points when your husband needs a rest and/or you just want a woman there. Do choose carefully, of course: you need someone loving and supportive, but also someone with initiative, non-panicky, and to whom you are not embarrassed to show your bottom and worse! My friends said afterwards that she was relieved that it wasn't so bad: at no point had I said that the pain was too much to bear. I just used breathing and visualising waves coming on and off a beach (my friend and husband had to sit there going 'and the WAVES', for hours, poor things - said they never want to see a beach again!) which sounds new-agey and mad but weirdly enough it worked. I just tried using it to relax when in late pregnancy, especially when tense, and it worked surprisingly well. I am planning another home birth for my next baby, due in February. I am not very good at pain, normally, get quite bogged down by lupus pain, but surprised myself with childbirth.

I think you should trust your body to do what it is designed for, and most of all don't listen to any story or advice that saps your self belief or scares you. You can do it, it doesn't matter how (there are no prizes for not having an epidural, for instance!) and at the end of it all you have a baby. Believe me, you will never feel prouder of yourself than at that moment (right before the one where you think 'now, how about you all go away and I get to sleep!)

BEST of luck, you can do it, I promise!

love

Hatty

[S-J]

Sweetheart,
If it really was so unbearable we would never have more than one child.
It is the not knowing that looms and can overshadow the wonderful outcome.
People are always quick to tell you the bad stories but everyone is different and copes in their own way.
When my first son was born I concentrated on the little cot that lay across the room and that honestly kept me going.
I had an epidurial with my second, only because there was a chance of a 'lupie' problem. I can honestly say I did not feel a thing and yes I was alittle nervous about having it done. They are so clever nowadays that you really don't have to worry.
Of course labour hurts, but I can promise you one thing.... it is worth every minute and something I still treasure 19 years later!!

God bless and try to relax....

love
Sally :flowers: