Shud i beleive him???

[*tEsSaBeAr15*]

:wacko: okay me and my ex dated fer 2 years!! we broke up nov.9 ,04 and got bak together in may of 05 and alot of stuff happend between that time n stuff was sad n thur was drama...Wen july came around everything was goin down hill wit our relationship so he dumpd me :shrug: !!! of course i was heart broken becuz he was my first luv and everything!!! in august me n him weere tlakin about gettin bak together and then we dint talk fer a week and the day we started talkin again i told him about me being diagnosed wit Lupus and he told me his feelings fer me changed and dat i need to move on and find sunmone new and that me n him r better off jus friends ... a few days of cryin n thinkin i put 2 in 2 together n thought da reason his feelings fer me changed was becuz i had a disease n cant get rid of it !! :hissy: i calld him up n we were talkin n i said i hada ask him a question n so i askd him if da reason his feelins fer me changed is becuz i have lupus n got mad and said its not becuz of that and it has nuttin to do wit the fact that i have a disease!!i wanna beleive him but its jus soo hard !!!! :tantrum:

[fly-by]

((((((((((((((TESSA))))))))))))))) :love:

First off, I didn't get a chance to :welcome: you to the site. I'm glad you found us :thumbs:

This is a very tough question to answer....but here is my opinion. Sweetie, you are only 15 years old. You have the whole rest of your life to live. Do you really want to tie yourself down to one guy?

Hun, most mature men have trouble dealing with the emotional and physical complications a chronic disease like lupus can cause...even after being devoted in marriage to their wives for years. I can't imagine what panic it would cause to a teenage boy. I think maybe you should take things slow with him and try the friendship aspect of a relationship so he can see what effects lupus has on you...you might lose the boyfriend that you had in him, but then again he might be better as a friend! Whatever you decide, remember you have lots of time and lots of living to do....and you've already invested 2 years in this relationship.

Take care of you. And don't grow up too fast!

With love,

[rwb200]

Hello
It is very hard to say just what his reasons are for doing this.
At the age he is at he probably doesn't know for sure what his reasons are either.

Young men can be very scatter brained and at times do things that have no real reason to them.
They may make since to them at that time but to most people they make no since at all.

At any rate at this time I would say you are just as well off not getting into anything real serious with him anyway.
You are at a stage where you need to devote time to you. Having fun and enjoying this time as of your life as much as possible.

I know it can be very hard to deal with stuff like this right now but believe me in twenty years it wont matter a bit unless you are looking back and saying boy I'm glad I didn't get stuck with that one.
The rest will just be memories both good and bad that will hardly ever come to mind and when they do it will just be a fleeting thought.

[alobreto]

Hi, Tessa! ;)
I don't think your question is "should I believe HIM," but rather "will some people be disinterested in me because of my illness."

The answer to that question is YES and you are much better off not getting involved with people who aren't really interested in YOU for WHATEVER REASON.

I know when your hormones kick in and rage at puberty that emotions can run very high. Both you AND your friend are in the middle of that process. Both you AND your friend will have new feelings that are hard to understand until things even out and your body chemistry settles down.

It can seem like the moment you're living RIGHT NOW is the only moment you'll have and the only moment that counts. Shortsightedness is one of the cardinal symptoms of raging hormones.

As the others have said, there will be MANY more moments in your life and MANY more people. Some will be interested and some will not. Better to know which category they're in before you invest your heart fully.
Regards,
Angela :flowers:

[jude mack]

Hi Tezza :huh:

Hey sweetie you have a very long life ahead of you, I know first loves
are hard to deal with. I agree with the rest, I think it is time to move
on, you have so much to look forward to, and there will be many other
realationships in your life. As said in twenty years you will look back
and wonder what you saw in this guy. You can be friends with him and
go out and enjoy life with people who are intrested in you for who you
are.
Take care of yourself
Jude :flowers:

[gretchenb5]

Hey Tezza,

No matter what your age, it's always hard going through a breakup and wondering "is he telling the truth" and "did I do something wrong?" Keep in mind how wishy-washy he's been over the last several months. Whether or not the lupus diagnosis has impacted his decision to want to "just be friends," he's let you know loud and clear since November that he's been having his own issues with this relationship.

It doesn't really matter whether your lupus has had an impact on that or not. Like everybody has said, you're going to meet a lot of people, unfortunately, who don't want to be around you because of your lupus. He may be one of them, or he may just be young and have no idea what he wants. Either way, for right now, he's telling you that he's not ready to be in this relationship for whatever reason.

Believe him. You deserve better than someone who doesn't want to be with you. You can try to be friends if you really want, but I think you'd be better off just moving on and looking for people to be in your life who WANT to be there, and will stick around and support you.

Good luck, and remember that we will be here to support you, too.

gretchen :flowers:

[tandarat]

Tessa,

First breakups are always the hardest. Not that they get easier, but you start to know what to expect. You'll be very depressed, sometimes for quite awhile, but you will get over it.

It really doesn't matter why he left you. Maybe it was lupus, but it could be any reason. My first breakup happened because I would not sleep with the guy. I was 13 and knew I wasn't ready. He couldn't deal, so he found someone who would sleep with him. I blamed myself for a long time, but in reality it was HIS fault. I got over it, and survived.

Having a chronic disease at such a young age is difficult, I'm sure. The good news is that you will know who your friends truly are, and you will also find strength that you didn't know you had, and gain strength you never would if you were healthy. Take the time you need to grieve, and don't blame your disease or your body for something that was bound to happen. Just think....you are only 15, and had already broken up and reconciled what...three times? Can you imagine going through your whole life like that? As much as you feel for him, you were not meant for each other. You will find other guys who you will fall in love with, and hopefully will find one special enough to stay with forever.

Michelle

[bluecarliepup]

Hi Tessa,

Firstly I dont think we have met I'm Sam, Hi.

Id believe you ex but instead of wanting him back id give him some space you could end up loosing a very good friend. At 15 I'd be more concerned about getting things sorted in my life to help my illness (at any age id advise this) and getting stressed out isnt a good way to be. I'm 31 and have only been married for 2 years i was dxd just after i got married and my husband god love him has stood my me and is fantastic but i know people on the site who have been married longer than i've been alive and there marrage doesn't survive Lupus.

I can understand you being miffed as you said he was you first true love i'm so very lucky I married my first love, we met when I was 17 at totally the wrong place and wrong time, we got together 5 years later, so a saying we have in scotland is true "what's for you wont go by you" basically it means if it ment to be then it will be and no amount of dodging or forsing something will stop or make it happen.

You never know you two could be the best friend either of you ever had, that is the very foundation you need for a great relationship.

Take Care and remember you kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince

love sam
xxxx