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tink
11-18-2005, 03:47 AM
style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/wub.gif Having bad day ,just been to mother inlaws ,had to clean kitchen ,boy was it bad ,it was a health hasserd my daughter was with me she done the bathroom .
but now i am hurting and flaring again and my tummy is hurting again like tummy cramps again so fed up .
she has a cat poor old thing and the litter was full i don,t think she is cleaning it
i have just had another row with my hubby about it all ,she needs help and no one is listening to me .
on top of that i feel so guilty not helping as much as i should ,i hate myself tonight . style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/crying.gif
surley i can do this i tell myself its just a couple of days a week ,. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/shrug.gif
but i feel so ill after wards,
she needs a home help .
but she says she doesen,t want strangers in the house .
on top of it all shes telling me to go back too work ,she says it will be good for me .
why don,t people understand style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/aww.gif you look well therefore your not ill .
its all in your head oh my god i wish it was .
i am trying so hard and i just can,t do this .
my son is 27 and i can,t get him to move out and my daughter has just moved back in again because of splitting up with boyfriend and can,t afford flat on her own.
I feel like running away .
its my 50th next year and i thought this was soposed to be our time ,mine and my hubbys
you know all i want is for them to be settled and happy and not giving me so much work .I love them too bits .
but how much longer do I have have too take this, if i was not ill it would be fine .
I put a face on as i call it, because theres allways a girl friend in or someone else ,and i hide how i feel .
so there fore i end up on here moaning in the middle of the night when i should be in bed .
i have been trying for the last year too sort them all out but no one is listing too me.
I feel so exasted i end up screaming at my hubby and he doesent deserve that .
sometime i wish people could see it . style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/cool.gif i hate myself for not being strong enough tink
my daughter is going on about Noni juice i should try it it will help ,i know she means well but i worry its just going to be another allergic reacthion .
and we had another furneral today not close friend more a father of a friend of my husbands ,so I opted out ,and did not go because we know about furnels and stress .but now i feel so guilty .
why can,t i get my life back on track tink.

Knitter
11-18-2005, 01:35 PM
Hi tink

I?m so sorry you are having such a hard time. It is always difficult to make people understand that we really are ill - you know the whole "butyoudon?tlooksick" thing.

I was wandering about two things. You say you "put a face" and "hide how you feel" because of visiting girl friends and such. Maby you should just quit doing that. You are sick, they should understand, what do you gain by hiding it?

The other thing is you feeling guilty about opting out of a funeral and thing like that. You don?t need to feel guilty, you are responsible for yourself and your health, and illness forces us to make some tough choices. I know it is easier said than done, but we can try.

Hugs

Knitter

tink
11-18-2005, 01:51 PM
style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/Thanx.gif I needed that today feeling a bit more sensable this afternoon but still sore .
i keep losing it again
its tirdness and pain i know ,need to see g p will do so .
You know i love having my kids here really its just all the extra work because even though they know i am ill they are too busy with there own lives too help me and i have asked .
maybe you are right i should stop hiding it i find it so embarrissing.
lets face it none of us want to be this way .
its the unexpected ness of this illness i find the worse to deal with right now .
you never know what its going to do next .
and i am one of these people who like to try and prevent things from happing if possible ,do you know what i mean ??.
you think i feel not bad today so I will go and do this .then afterwards its awfull pain and tiredness .
style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/wub.gif style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/flowers.gif tink