well its finally over

[Crystaleta]

well i don't know if some you guys remember me, I was the girl with the boyfriend that didn't treat her well. a couple nights ago, we got into a huge fight and he left (he slept in his car), came home the next day and acted like everything was great and even invited me to go to see a movie. so since he acted like everything was great so did I. that night in bed I decided to bring up what happened and he got so mad at me and said he needed time to think about things and he would let me know on Saturday. Well Saturday is his college graduation and his office christmas party. I am NOT going to either. These last few days he has been acting so sweet to me and I thought everything was going to be okay so i mentioned us celebrating on Saturday night and he said, "wait, I thought we were going to talk about things". I got upset cause I felt his actions were telling me everything was going to be okay but apparantely that was not the case. He said he would let me know the next day (yesterday)instead of making me wait until Sat. So yesterday morning came and he never said anything so I asked him and he said he needed more time. Well I told him it was not fair to make me wait so he said," Okay, I don't think we could be happy and I think we should break up." Of course I was devistated even though i should have known. He came home for lunch yesterday and was acting like everything was normal again. I told him that I felt confused by what he says and what he does and he got mad at me and left. Then last night he didn't even bother to tell me he was going out last night and never answered his phone. He said we would talk more tonight. I fell so lost right now! I know things were not working out but I was trying to come up with new ideas that would make us both happy. It's like I want to be with him still, but then I don't. I live in his house, am on his insurance and don't work cause we were going to wait until I was better (have lupus nephritis and not doing too well). I am completely dependent on him. Could that be why I still want to be with him? I still love him, but I hate being on the bottom of his priority list. What should i do? What do I say tonight?
Sorry for the long post but as you can probably tell, i'm a confused mess! Please help with any suggestions! I would appreciate it!.

[helloos]

Hmmmm... this I am afraid must come from you and no one else. You are the only one that can decide if you want to stay with him or not. You say you are dependent on him and yes, that can alter your decision. If you weren't with him, where would you go? Would you have a place to live and help? Are there other options for you besides him?

I think the best thing is to talk. But,it seems as if he is getting both worlds or being stuck between the two. It is not right for him to act childish in the manner he is acting such as leaving without telling you and playing mind games. It seems whatever realistic conversation you have, it is not going to be that way with him.

Sometimes things become habbit in a relationship or the need of the other. I would say if you can separate your needs and say you were better and felt great, etc. would you choose to be with him? I think that would give you your answer. Pros and cons.

I wish I could be of more help, but you need to decide what is best for you and you alone. It may be a difficult decision and cause a lot of pain, but I think you thinking thoroughy and seeing what your options are along with talking to him are a good start.

Good luck, I know it is hard for you.

[barefut]

I'm so sorry you are in such a tough situation right now. I does sound like he is playing games with you...pretending all is well right after a big fight....saying we'll talk then walking, not talking.....

Would the two of you be open to counseling? Is that something you could mention to him?

I agree with Paula that you should dig deep and maybe actually write out a list of pros and cons of the relationship, taking into consideration your dependency on him.

Also, is there a friend or relative you could stay with for awhile? A change of scenery and some time apart for some breathing room might bring a new perspective.

Another thing that might help is to write a letter to him. Writing gives you time to think about all the things you want to say and allows you to say them uninterrupted. If you DO write a letter though, write it then put it away for a day and then go back and read it again to see if you want to change anything or add anything. That helps make it less emotional too.

Good luck to you. I feel for you. BE STRONG!!!

Love,
Barefut

[Crystaleta]

thank you both for the resposes. here's a little update on what happened. we talked about our future together, talked about what each of wanted and then decided to take it one day at a time. so i guess we're back together but i don't know how to feel about it. today is his graduation and i really do not want to be there!! i don't feel up to pretending everything is okay so i told him i wasn't feeling well and if ifelt up to it i would try to go. that is a compleete lie. i just don't want to go! so i'm not. i think today is a good day to write that letter and sit and think about us.
so i guess that is where we are as of right now. i'm glad i have somewhere to post my thoughts and feelings!

[helloos]

I hope that things go well today for you.

I know it is a hard situation you are in.

Good luck.

[alobreto]

Hi, Crystaleta! style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/wink.gif
It can be so tough to be in an unstable relationship! style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/sad.gif It puts you on a kind of very bad mental roller coaster ride. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/afraid.gif

It's unfortunate that you feel so dependent on him. It sounds like he may be taking some advantage of that.

Since you are still together, it might be a good time right now to investigate options you have in the way of living independently. If you can't work, get started on your disability income options, which would be Social Security in the USA. www.socialsecurity.gov (http://www.socialsecurity.gov)

Call your local Department of Human Services to see if you'd qualify for state assistance with housing, food, utilities, and so forth.

Call the Crisis/Suicide Hotline listed in the Blue Pages of the phone book. Ask for options for assistance that might apply in your circumstance if you were to live by yourself.

Call the closest County Hospital and talk to a Social Worker there about other options that might be available that the others were not aware of.

Call Catholic Charities. They offer many kinds of help: medicines, childcare, clothing, food, counselling... the list goes on and you don't have to be Catholic to qualify for services.

If you're a religious person, call your leader and ask what help you could get there.

When you find that you DO in fact have options, you'll be able I think to make a more realistic evaluation of whether or not this is the ONE for YOU.

I wish you well in your new job as personal independence coordinator! style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/wink.gif
Angela style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/flowers.gif