Cancelled my wedding

[MariaK]

I know it's stupid, but I have been hiding from the boards. There has been so much going on over the last few months I don't know where to start.

Anyway, instead of a happy christmas I have had a miserable one. Instead of arranging my wedding I have been phoning people cancelling things. We thought over a period of a few months that things were not right, but things came to a head over christmas as both sets of parents failed to meet each other (again). We both felt we were not being supported in our relationship. I also felt that he wasn't ready for it, and this he openly admitted.

My illness has hung over our relationship like a cloud. The uncertainty it places on your feelings, body image and confidence is unbelievable. I don't know whether he is with me through guilt, or I with him through fear of what may happen if I left. I only work part time now, so the prospect of setting up on my own (and my physical capacity to do so) is somewhat limited.

My illness is progressing at a rate that frightens me. I now have Disability Employment Advisors helping out the work situation, but they seem limited in what they can do in terms of keeping me in my speciality.

So with this uncertainty, relationship uncertainty and lack of parental support I feel so deflated. I think the wedding cancellation was the right thing to do for this time, but I feel now I have nothing to look forward to.

I honestly feel like running away from everyone. I don't know what to do.

[Sodasmom]

Maria,
I'm so sorry that you have had to go through all of this. It takes a great deal of courage to do what you did and it sounds like you are a strong person. I know the feeling of wondering whether you are with someone out of a fear of being alone with Lupus and it is a hard thing to face...I don't know about your situation other than what you posted, but it sounds like you are following your instincts and that usually is the right path to take for anyone.

I hope that things get better for you soon, and please use this board to help vent your worries...there are so many on here to support you.

Take Care,
Cori

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[Graciella]

Hi there, sounds like things are scary right now, I hope things get better for you. I know I have a tendency to hide too, and I`m doing it right now, but sometimes I don`t like to see or talk to anyone. I hope your relationship works out for you, but you sound like a strong person so good luck, and God bless. Graciella style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/biggrin.gif

[jude mack]

Hi Maria

I'm sorry to hear about the wedding and the lack of support your getting from family, no wonder
you feel like running away. The fact that your disease is progressing is alarming and stressful
enough without having the stress of work, and unsupportive parents, I sure hope things start
looking up for you soon, keep posting, we are here to listen and help when we can.

Take Care
Jude
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[hazel595]

<span style="font-size:14pt;line-height:100%">Hi Maria, I am so sorry to hear that you have been under such pressure over the last few months and I think it is a very brave step that you have taken in cancelling the wedding. You have to be completely sure about the way you feel about each other and of course feeling as if you didn't have the support of either your parents or the parents of the man you hoped to marry and to be honest it sounds as if your fiance wasn't a very big support to you either so you have done the right thing.

Working and coping with Lupus are stressful at the best of times ....I hope you find some support soon and I totally understand about the hiding away. I think it's something a lot of Lupus patients do when the Lupus is active, I know because I do it myself, I won't answer the door, phone, emails and anything else where I feel I have to be seen or heard. I usually end up staying in bed but thankfully my Lupus is under control and those times don't happen very often now.

As for feeling that you have nothing to look forward to and wanting to run away and hide those feelings can happen when Lupus is flaring and with all the stress you have had it could be flaring right now. I think that if you have a good GP go and see him/her and talk about the way you feel failing that ring your rheumies secretary up and ask if you can have an appointment to see them.

Things will get and feel better, honest, even if you don't feel like that at the moment. There will be a light at the end of the tunnel.

hugs xxxxhazel</span>

[alobreto]

Hi, Maria! style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/wink.gif
I'd like to start off by saying that you are very brave, and also very wise to summon the fortitude to cancel your wedding in light of the information that became available to you. It can be extremely difficult and distressing to have such a public airing of a private matter. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/afraid.gif

You are to be commended! It must be a very painful time right now. I can't blame you for feeling like you want to run away. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/crying.gif

I'm sorry that your symptoms have worsened! With the stress you've been under and continue to experience, it really should come as no surprise. Has the doctor recommended anything, such as a round of pred or an increased dose if you're on it daily? If you've not consulted the doc with this, you really should! You deserve some help and hope!

Try to be kind to yourself. You are in the process of grief over the loss of a dream, and it is just as real and just as painful as a death!

I wish you well as you seek to find your footing again. I know you will!
Angela style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/flowers.gif

[jarsofclay]

Hi Maria,

I am sorry you are going through such a tough period. I think we all feel like running away from time to time. Sounds like you are a very strong person though.. espcially being able to hand such adversity while dealing with such a complicated disease.

I hope you find some supportive people to lean on and help you through this. That too much of burden to carry by yourself. Maybe just coming here and talking can help you a little. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif

Keep hanging on and here hoping for better things style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif in your future.

Take care,

Anne

[lullrich76]

Hi Maria,

I am really sorry for what you have gone through. You did do the right thing with cancelling the wedding. I wish I had been as courageous as you were with mine.

Being under that kind of stress is not good for you at all. I have been there, done that, and wouldn't wish that kind of stress on anyone. You will get through it and you probably already have a sort of relief.

I am one who tends to hold my emotions inside which makes my stress that much more because I don't let it go. Once I let it out, I always feel so much better.

Good luck and I hope you start feeling better soon.

[JenniferS]

<span style="font-family:Comic Sans Ms">Hi Maria

I am new to this whole Lupus thing, but boy I sure understand how you feel. I have a b-friend of 3 1/2 years. And I was recently diagnosed ( less than a month ago)with Lupus/UCTD plus I have nasty migranes monthly, and I don't think he quite understands it all. Men are loving and supportive, but I think sometimes as women we feel like we start to become burdens on them. But somedays we really feel like that because of what we are going through. Well, I am here to tell you that we are NOT. If this man truly loves you, he will stand by your side through it all. Maybe both of you need a little more time. I know this whole health, disease issue has set us, my b-friend and I, back a bit. And that is ok. I think it took a lot of power and inner courage to call off the wedding. Your inner voice was telling you something was wrong, wasn't it?
Well, I know that with time and your courage, which you already have, you will get back on track! Be good to yourself, slow down, and relax a bit.

A side note about that running away part, I think we all need a Lupus Island, where we can all run away too. That seems to be a common theme around here. There are so many days where I would love to lock myself up in a fancy Hotel room, away from everyone and order room service all day long.

My thoughts and best wishes are with you,
Sleepy in Seattle
a.k.a. Jenna</span>
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[peonyprincess]

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(((((Maria)))))

I am so sorry to hear about what you are going thru. Lupus is a very unforgiving disease and yes you and he were both strong to realize that with everything that life throws you, you can control somethings. It is very difficult to enter into marriage under "normal" circumstances. Throw in MIA parents and and autoimmune disease and the stakes go much higher. Take this time to get yourself in order mentally and physically and assess what you really want. While doing this, keep thelines of communication open between you and yours. While you might not be marriage material for each other, you may have a very good friend that understands your highs and lows. Then there is always the possiblity that he cannot handle everything that life has thrown your way and you may have to let him go, only time will tell. One never truly knows just where life will take you. Regardless, you will become a much better person and stronger than you ever thought. Good luck and I will say a prayer for you.

Nancy

[Deborah Rumbles]

style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/foryou.gif Hi Maria, just wanted to say that I was sorry to hear about the tough time you have had,and agree with everyone else, YOU are very brave and coping with Lupus is hard enough without all the extra stress added on top.It is perfectly normal to want to hide away, I am guilty of not answering phone/door/invites when suffering too.Take care of you and the best of luck in dealing with all the hassel. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/clover.gif

[Vida]

style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/hugbetter.gif hi maria style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/hugbetter.gif

just to let you know that i echo all the things said in previous posts to you and you are in my thoughts at this tough time. there will be light at the end of the tunnel although you might not see it yet style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/hugbetter.gif

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