all alone...

[MDkidneythief]

so it has been over a year since I've had a boyfriend. Its really hard to meet people when you feel like c*#p everyday! I'm 20 years old, this should be a time of have fun and making friends....and boyfriends. Instead I'm suck in my apartment and I spend all my energy on school. Will I ever find someone who can handle the fact that I'm Ill??? most guys when I tell them get kind of freaked out..."you have 5 chronic illnesses????" And they look at me like I'm crazy for letting my health get so bad....LIKE ITS MY FALUT!!!! style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/hissy1.gif ugh...as of now I don't think I meet someone for along time. I'm good-looking, funny, nice, and somewhat intelligent yet no one seems to want to take on me AND my illnesses... style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/crying.gif

[jude mack]

Hi WWUMDW style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/hugbetter.gif

I know it is lonely at your age to not have a boyfriend, but you will meet someone one day who
will accept you as you are. I went through this when I was young too. When I met my husband
I told him I was ill, at the time I didn't know I had lupus, I was just ill, he just said that's okay I'm
not perfect either, we have been married 18 years. It will get better for you sweety, it just may take
some time, remember the guy who accepts you as you are without freaking is going to be a great
one. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Take Care
Jude style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/flowers.gif

[alobreto]

I think it's a mistake to start out a relationship with ANYONE by providing personal health information. Of course they'll be scared off and they have no investment of caring to lose if you do so before any relationship has been established.

The only thing people you meet need to know is your limitations in regard to carrying on a friendship or romance. You can say that you tire easily and must pace every activity and that you hope they won't be hurt if you aren't always up to going out or doing things on a particular day or evening. If they ask why you can say you have a health problem and that is how it affects you. You don't have to say you have 5 chronic diseases or even name any of them!

You could say you have joint problems that prevent you from working out. No need to get specific.

Build the relationships first. They likely won't be sharing their personal health histories with you until they feel comfortable enough to provide personal information. You are NOT being deceptive at all! You are allowing feelings to develop as they may and allowing more emotional intimacy as time goes on.
Angela style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/flowers.gif

PS If pain is a persistent problem, get a referral to a pain specialist. If it's depression, antidepressants can help immeasurably.

[helloos]

Hello there. I agree with Angela.....no need to tell anyone that off the bat.

Just date and go out when you can and have fun. If things get more serious as time goes on....you can give some explanation without great details and see the reaction, then maybe if really serious, more explanation.

I would give someone the chance to know you, not the disease. If that person is a special person and loves you, the disease will not matter. It is not a death sentence, so don't let it be.

Enjoy your life, you are young and date, date, date and let them spoil you !!!

[music]

Good Advice. I'll remember this if anyone ever asks me out! style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/aww.gif Music

[Clare.T]

Maybe you have the same problem as many healthy young people these days, all depending what those around you are doing for ' fun ' and what other opportunities there are for meeting a wide selection of people, and what the surrounding social structure is.

Only, if you are ill your choices for branching out are so limited - many activities that might interest you where you stand a good chance of meeting a soul mate, won't be feasible.

It is very hard not to have the same full options as everybody else.

If you are studying hard it's the same as working full time. If you are away from home there's not the comfort of familiar surroundings.

As far as I can see, many young people these days are leading appalling lives of hopeless waste, destroying themselves with drink and drugs and promiscuity. The student population has always tended to be this way as people sow their wild oats. If that's the prevailing way of having fun, any sensible self respecting young person will have a hard time. Or their leisure pursuits tend to be outdoors and very active which doesn't suit everybody

Being different for whatever reason has always been very, very hard. Part of maturing is accepting that whatever makes you different - let's call it special - is part of you. It's also accepting one's limitations . The risk is that isolation encourages poor choices out of desperation and loneliness.

If a person wants to be a party animal or would like to be a surfer but can't, dwelling on what's not possible is a sure fire recipe for unhappiness. Unhappiness is not attractive. Focus on what you do have going for you, then you can move forward and grow and surmount the disadvanatges
No " normal" person is happy about everything all the time.

There's a very good reason why so many young professionals use online dating even though there aren't the visible signs that can attract but can be too important. The written word reveals so much about a person's character.
Of course there are terrible dangers, but when you think about it not more than in real life when it is the outward appearances that might be the only attraction with no inner base at all. In some ways online contacts are far safer.

I know this isn't the glamour and romance that you maybe have in mind, but whatever the magazines would like us to think, most people aren't leading lives of constant fun.

Hang in there

Clare

[lesleyc]

it will be ok
i met my husband when i was already sick and had big oozing sores on my knees and chest. he didn't mind any of my weirdness at all! it took it as a challenge.
the right person just hasn't come along yet.
hang in there!

lesley style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/bigsmile.gif

[MDkidneythief]

thank you all for your support. I really just need to relax. I think I take life to seriously! and I'm sure I'll find someone it will just take time. I just hoipe it happens sooner then later style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/rotfl.gif but for now I have my baby rats to keep me company and maybe someday Ill find a good match for me! style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/goodvibes.gif

[Wallypop]

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(WWUMDW @ Jan 11 2006, 12:58 AM) Quoted post</div><div class='quotemain'>
thank you all for your support. I really just need to relax. I think I take life to seriously! and I'm sure I'll find someone it will just take time. I just hoipe it happens sooner then later style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/rotfl.gif but for now I have my baby rats to keep me company and maybe someday Ill find a good match for me! style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/goodvibes.gif
[/b][/quote]

Hmmm... you may not find somebody - somebody may find you!

Whether it's Lupus, emotional baggage, disfunctional family/future in-laws, eye color, or a big wart on the end of your nose -- what you really want from life is somebody who loves you and who realizes that you includes all the stuff you have.

I know I'm running some risk here of sounding unsympathetic or not understanding (I'm not the one with Lupus, my love is) but I think sometimes "we" give Lupus more power than it deserves. I simply mean that no one part of us should become our identity -- Lupus may have a lot of power of your body, but it does not make you who you are.

My advice?

Be who you are!

[barefut]

Hello WWU...

First, I want to say that I agree with Alobreto 100%. Nobody needs to know your health issues right off the bat, and I agree with how Angela suggested that you handle the issue. She's a wise woman.

Second, as a WWU alumni, I remember how depressing and monotinous and painfully cold the weather can be up there this time of year and I also lived alone for a time. You're taking me back........It's also a huge letdown to go back to school after the holidays having just been home with your warm, cozy family.

I say go out and pamper yourself! If you can afford it, (I was always broke!) get a massage, a manicure, a haircut or new color, a new outfit....anything that could give you an instant and gratifying boost to the old self-esteem, and be just a little different. Although it sounds like your self-esteem is just fine.

In another post you mentioned your love of art and in this post you mentioned that you need to relax. Are there any social gatherings you could attend in the art dept? A class you could take just for fun and to maybe meet someone with your same interests?

What about a room mate? Is there anybody you know that you would consider having for a roomie? I just worry about you feeling isolated and getting depressed....Depression can creep up on you easily and without you even realizing it sometimes.

Don't study too hard! Go out and have some fun too, though it's sometimes hard to find...

Thinking of you,
Barefut style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/wub.gif

[MDkidneythief]

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(barefut @ Jan 12 2006, 09:57 PM) Quoted post</div><div class='quotemain'>
Hello WWU...

First, I want to say that I agree with Alobreto 100%. Nobody needs to know your health issues right off the bat, and I agree with how Angela suggested that you handle the issue. She's a wise woman.

Second, as a WWU alumni, I remember how depressing and monotinous and painfully cold the weather can be up there this time of year and I also lived alone for a time. You're taking me back........It's also a huge letdown to go back to school after the holidays having just been home with your warm, cozy family.

I say go out and pamper yourself! If you can afford it, (I was always broke!) get a massage, a manicure, a haircut or new color, a new outfit....anything that could give you an instant and gratifying boost to the old self-esteem, and be just a little different. Although it sounds like your self-esteem is just fine.

In another post you mentioned your love of art and in this post you mentioned that you need to relax. Are there any social gatherings you could attend in the art dept? A class you could take just for fun and to maybe meet someone with your same interests?

What about a room mate? Is there anybody you know that you would consider having for a roomie? I just worry about you feeling isolated and getting depressed....Depression can creep up on you easily and without you even realizing it sometimes.

Don't study too hard! Go out and have some fun too, though it's sometimes hard to find...

Thinking of you,
Barefut style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/wub.gif
[/b][/quote]



Ahhh the wonders of roomates *rolls her eyes* don't get me started. I would rather live alone style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/hissy1.gif ....one of my roomates the other day had the odasity to say to another of my roomates that she thought she might have lupus!!!!!! SHE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT IT IS!!! AHHHHH...yeah..I greatly dislike her and she is the messyest person I've ever met and she freaks out when I don't clean when I'm sick, talk about hipacrite! oh well next year I'll live alone. which will be a lot less stressful I think. because then my friends will finally come visit me! (they don't come over anymore because they dont like my roomates, ironic huh???)...sorry I just had to rant...and kick and scream! haha but I'll be better when I move out...but thats not for a year ugh. but when I do style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/woohoo.gif