I don't know what to say.

[Shelleyshells]

Hello Everyone!

I haven't posted or answered any posts in a long time. I come on almost everyday and read the posts and the answers and don't have anything to add or say.

I am extremely depressed and feel like I have nothing to offer. I am under a lot of stress at home and spend hours and hours in my room away from it all.

My husband is supportive and I am lucky to have him in my life.

My friends and family keep bringing me articles about how this special juice or special supplement will cure or eliminate most of my symptoms.

I am having a lot of stomach problems now that my GI doc says could be autoimmune. I've had the wonderful colonoscopy, sigmoidoscopy and xrays. Humiliating and painful. Has anyone had the experience of drugs not working for you? I was given the maximum amount and it never hit me. My doctor said that they gave me so much that he would be out for three days. It didn't do a thing for me...not even drowsy.

Anyway, I wanted to let you know that I am here. My heart breaks when I read your posts and I pray for you all. I just don't what to say to encourage anyone anymore.

with much love,
Shelley

[sue mac]

Hi Shelley,

Just wanted to send you lots of (((((hugs))))) and chocolate...

style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/hugbetter.gif style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/hugbetter.gif style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/hugbetter.gif


style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/flowers.gif Sue.

[Joandublin]

Hi Shelley
You poor thing. Dont give up. It is so frustrating when 'well meaning' people keep telling you what you need to do to cure yourself! I know exactly how that feels. If one other person tells me about another miracle cure or miracle diet I will ****** well strangle them.
When you are down or depressed the most important thing is to keep communication open. Sitting in your room for hours on end is not a great idea. If you really cannot tolerate much face to face contact right now, stay posting on the boards. The kind of support you can get from people who understand EXACTLY what you are going through is really important for you right now.

Does your husband know how depressed you feel? I think you should also go back to your GP and tell him how you feel. It is hard to admit that we are depressed especially if you are a person who usually copes well with things but it is his job to understand what you are going through and to do whatever he can to help the situation.
The kind of tests you had to go through are awful and humiliating but try and put them out of your head for now. Close that chapter and dont dwell on them.
Sending you lots of love and support from Ireland
Luv n stuff
Joan

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[pnutts]

Hi Shelley,
Sorry things are the way they are for you. I'm not sure of your story, but I went through some depression early on in dx.
It's best to keep talking about it. I know someone here will be able to relate to you in some way or another.
Your family friends sound like they are just trying help and maybe don't really understand all your going through.

soft hugs(((({){){){)


Cath

[alobreto]

Hi, Shelley! style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/wink.gif
It can be awful to be depressed. You can feel like you've fallen into a black pit from which you can't extricate yourself. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/sad.gif

You don't say if you're on an antidepressant med, but if you are it's time for either a dose increase or a change to something else. If you aren't on an antidepressant, then you really need to be. If rheumy won't prescribe one, then get a referral to a psychiatrist. It doesn't mean you're crazy. Just need some help with sad mood.

Also, it sounds like you are in urgent need of a referral to a pain specialist doctor to help get your uncomfortable symptoms under control. Pain specialists can give you options and choices and they're up to date on alternatives for managing all kinds of symptoms. And they aren't just for folks at death's door, either, as some docs believe. They are for people who need help with symptoms.

I hope you're able to get those referrals and get started toward a better quality of life.
Angela style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/flowers.gif

[stefanie]

Hi Shelley style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/hugbetter.gif

we all go through this sometimes and it's ok, it's ok to feel sad and it's ok to cry just try not to let it last a lifetime. I've had so many wonderful loving friends bring me all sorts of miracle cures and I too became depressed when none worked, but the truth is unfourtunaly there is no miracle cure, there are things we can do to improve the quality of life for ourselves, and as for having meds that don't work i've been there too, at the first while i was taking such high doses of different things and they didn't seem to do anything but slowly and pressing on i found a combo or cocktail of drugs that have made me more comfy.

Have you tried any anti-depressants they are great for depression, pain, sleeping so many things and there are such a variety of them there are ones that are bound to work for you with minamal side effects.

please talk to your doc and see what you can do, we love you and want to know what's going on, we are a cyber family here all in the same boat your in so you are important to us too.

take care sweetie style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/flowers.gif

[macfamily53]

Dear Shelly

I am so sorry to hear you are feeling this way,but how sweet of you to post best wishes for all of us. You are going through what always of us in here at one time or another have gone through with depression and people trying to give you miracle cures grrrrrrr. That is nice of them to try to be helpful but if they were miracle cures i think we would be the first to know about it. I have been where you are with the depression hun trust me big time and it is no fun but in admitting is the first big step the second one is feeling you can go your gp and ask for help. It is difficult i know. It is okay to help you sleep or just give you a boost to feel better. We have to deal wiht a diseases everyday the rest of our life. It is not easy wiht pains and fatigue or whatever each person has to deal with. Teri is right when you feel like posting you will and nothing wrong with you not. There is no doubt you care a great deal about everyone in here and thank you for that and we care about you a great deal to. So i hope and pray you feel beter real soon. I am so glad you have such a wonderful husband i do believe it makes a difference.

Tammy
style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/hugbetter.gif style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/hugbetter.gif Hang in there and come back when you feel like it

[Shelleyshells]

Thank you so much for all of your loving replies. I am on anti-depressants, but you are right, they definitely need to be adjusted.

I just really don't have any interest in anything anymore. I work a part-time job and then I spend the rest of the day in bed.

I do get upset very easily. I don't cry...but I become very agitated and on the edge of not being in control.

My doctor wants me to check into a "behavioral health center" and I don't want to. He thinks that it would help me to cope.

Anyway, another reason that I feel so bad for posting is that my life is easy compared to most of you. It makes me angry with myself.

I do have lupus, ibs, sjorgren's and depression for those that don't know.
Thanks again!
love,
Shelley

[Tom]

Shelley, style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/hugbetter.gif

Please keep pushing to find answers and get the help you need. I'm sure others have experienced what you're going through so don't give up on posting. We're here for you, always remember that. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/wub.gif

[dawnholmes]

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Tom @ Feb 25 2006, 09:06 PM) Quoted post</div><div class='quotemain'>
Shelley, style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/hugbetter.gif

Please keep pushing to find answers and get the help you need. I'm sure others have experienced what you're going through so don't give up on posting. We're here for you, always remember that. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/wub.gif
[/b][/quote]



hi shelley
i do know how you fell i've had the something done to me , i should find out on the 3rd april what they have found out if anything, hope you feel better soon take care
dawn

[lazylegs]

Hi Shelley,
Don't worry about not being as sick as someone else. We are all here just to help each other out. The others around us can only stand so much. This is the perfect place to vent. Maybe we can all help you take an interest in life again. Good luck on sorting out the meds.

My hopes are with you,
Lazylegs

[JACQUE]

Hi Shelley,

I to don't post much but i read the board every day.
It makes me feel so much better knowing that their are people out there,
that understand and knows what we luppies are going thru. Just keep reading and post whenever you feel like it. Just know we are here, if you need us.

[meg4340]

Shelley,
Sorry that you are so down right now. Don't beat yourself up. Having to deal with a chronic illness is a life-changing (literally) experience. I know that I went through a "grieving" stage where I felt like I was never going to feel better and life would never be the same. You have lost a part of yourself and your new quest is to find a way to adjust to your new life with chronic illness. It is tough...this is a great place to get help and support....So many have been where you are today and KNOW that it WILL get better. Please post, cry...all you want and continue to have your meds adjusted...you will find a happier place! style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/cloud9.gif style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/flowers.gif style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/hugbetter.gif

[SusieBB]

I'm so glad that you're reaching out...that is definitely the first step for support. This forum is full of absolutely wonderful people going through what you're going through. Yes, there are different aspects of lupus, but we understand. I hope that you can get to a doc that can help with all of this and find some answers for you as well. Sending lots of hugs your way!!

Love -- SusieBB

[RoseanneMcLean]

When I saw your post I got hit by deja vu - I felt exactly the same when I was first diagnosed, and had the same responses from people.
I had just started at Uni and was doing really well when the wolf hit, and it felt like a death blow. I felt scared, hopeless, lonely and frustrated - not to mention the pain, tiredness and depression that came with the symptoms. I sat for hours by the window of my halls looking out at the people I could no longer be like, crying my heart out.
I can't say what brought me out of it, and I can't say the feeling left forever, but it did happen. I had to find reserves of strength in myself and others that otherwise I would never have needed. I am sure that you have this strength too, and though you may not feel it is there, and cannot find the strength to search, you will find it. I pray with all my heart that your strength will find you soon - and until then, we are all here to share the burden.

Bless you,

RM.