Lupus teenager sweetheart :)Need advice!

[lilsweety89]

<span style="color:#FF99FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;line-height:100%">Hey Everyone! My name is Quai, short for Quaishanna and I have lupus, it took me a while to admit it to myself but I do have it. I got it when I was just about to turn 14 in like 2 months,it was horrible. I had to go on steriods and my body started to change and I started to feel really self concious and have bad mood swings. What makes it even worse is that Im a gemini,which means I already have mood swings,not to mention Im a teenager girl style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/tongue.gif it just adds to it you know. but anyway yeah when I first got on the steriods I gained alot of weight n looks dont really matter to me but they do to other people n people started to talk about me meanly and make up rumours to why I was missing so much school, I think the craziest rumour I heard was that I like had a love child in miami and I was going to find her or sumin style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/tongue.gif style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/ohmy.gif I mean how crazy is that! lol but I had really good friends at the time and i didnt tell them at first but it came out cause one of my freinds opened her big mouth style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/tongue.gif style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/mad.gif (i mean that wit love,big is beautiful) n told them. But now that Im in highschool its alot harder. I cant concentrate and its hard to pass my classes. I try really hard and I was just 5 % away from being on the honour roll which is really cool i never got on that before but i didnt make it style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/sad.gif i was so sad when i didnt. im not one of those smart people so the fact that i got so close made me sad,im really not thats smart. i just wanted to be on the honour roll for the free pizza party style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/bigsmile.gif and since i didnt make it first semister im not gonna try second semister,i worked so hard and i cudnt do it so im giving up. i also get really depressed sometimes acuse people make fun of my cheeks cause there so puffy and my weight. i wasnt fat before lupus but now that i have it the steriods made me gain a huge amount of weight and i have to wear biggers clothes and its jsut nto fun, im not use to it so its hard and im not use to being talked about in a bad way. ive alwys been popular and its hard to hear people talking about me. im not shallow or anything i dont really care about how big or small you are its jsut that in higschool image is really important and other people care.ive always been nice to everyone and it just hurts that im getting made fun of cuz of something thats totally out of my control style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/sad.gif it makes me really sad sometimes. im kida new to the disease and its hard for me to cope with it. my family has been supportive kida but i dont think they know how much sad i get and how it feels, i feel tah they dont really understnad me. and ive always kida been center of attention n i still am but i just feel kida missunderstood. i love them to death but i dont think they totally get what im going through..and i dont wanna talk about it to them cause i feel like im complaining,my sister makes me feel like im complaining and my mom when i talk to them so i just keep it to myself n hide how sad i really am. its kida hard writting this cause i never really told anyone...umm i recently had a friend who i told everything too and we were really close but she got involved in some hardcore drugs and i didnt and now we dont talk much but we still keep in touch were just not as close as we use to be and i dont wana tell my other friends cause i dont wanna complain and i dont think theylll understand...some of my friends dont even know! i dont want everyone to know,im really secretive about it. something thats also hard is that im lonely, sometimes when me and my sister get into fights (it isnt often but when we do its likea world war or sumin) she says well at least i haev a b/f or sumin n that hurts me. no guy wants me cause im fat and look like a freak , i dont think people shud judge u on ur looks but guys do. and thats unfortunate. ummm the mood swings pretty much suck! i lvove my sister but she and ,my mom fight and its really abd and i hae to like seprate them and its really stressful on me and sumtimes i cant do it cause i get too tired style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/sad.gif n its just ...ugh. thees so much more i have to say but this post hasnt even been the clearest thing to read so im gonan stop now.if u read this thanks style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif please comment i would really like that!
Love Quai

p.s. im making my sis dinner now so thats also why im stopping style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif bye!</span></span>

[alobreto]

Hi, again, Quai! style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/wink.gif
Either I'm having de ja vu or I've read this post before! style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/tongue.gif I wish I could recall for certain, but just in case it is a new post, I'll give it my best shot! style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif

First, just like your friends have chosen you and you them, someone of the opposite sex is likely to choose you at the same time you choose him. There is no timetable on this and no valid reason to try to force the issue. It's amazing that once you relax about meeting someone special that you're also relaxed enough to be yourself and allow relationships to develop.

Second, the honor roll is a very worthy goal. The simple fact that you didn't make it this time, doesn't mean that you'll never make it. You said you came close. If that's the case, then you obviously have what it takes to go a bit farther and have your name on that list. Don't sell yourself short on ANY worthy goal by quitting as soon as you almost reach it!

I wish you well!
Angela style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/flowers.gif

[rexo11686]

Well I totally understand what you are going through. I recently got diagnosed in October of 2004 but everything is a new experience when you have lupus. I totally understand about not wanting to share your disease with anyone. It was really hard for me to even admit it to myself. But after I accepted it, i found that everyone was much more understanding and caring. Besides, I think that by coming out and talking about it, you can educate others of what lupus patients go through. A lot of people didn't even know of lupus until i told them what it was all about. When i revealed that i had lupus to others, i found out of a lot of people who knew someone with lupus. I soon began to relate to others through having lupus. Also, just by talking about it it helps out a lot. If you keep it alll inside it just builds up.

Going through all of those physical changes is very difficult. But I think by seeing the physical changes in the mirror everyday, it is just a daily reminder of having lupus. I would always cry when i looked in the mirror because of how much weight i gained and how puffy my cheeks were. But remember that it only makes you stronger. By accepting lupus and all of the side effects, you strive to try to keep yourself healthy and want to be better. You become determined to get a lower dosage and eventually get off all the medications. I thin by just writing on here, you have taken a HUGE step in dealing with everything. But i wish you the best and know that everything will work out.......

[angie1]

Hi Quai,

I'm so sorry to hear about how mean people can be. I'm 41 and I totally remember how horrible it can be as a teenager not to mention one with lupus. I really feel for you. I wasn't diagnosed until my 20's so I can't relate to what you're going through. I know how hard it must be when you have the pressure of being a teen and all the stuff that goes along with that. This site is so great for venting and getting advice. The people are wonderful. You will be really glad you found it. Take care and hang in there. Life does get better and you will not be a teen forever.

Angie style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/foryou.gif

[Graciella]

style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/foryou.gif Welcome Quai, You have come to a graet site, you can vent as much as you like here, we all know what your going through and some of us have been through the same thing, but I agree with the others, there are so many people out there that will love you for you not for what you look like and those are the only ones that are worth anything if you ask me. You sound like a very bright person and you are young and have alot of time to meet someone. I also gained alot of weight when I started the steroids, and had to change sizes in my clothes,(hated that ) but I learned and it took sometime, that this is me now, and I am good inside and if you only judge the outside than your not worth knowing. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/biggrin.gif I hope your feeling better soon and any time you need to talk were always here, and you always have friends on this site. Good Luck and God Bless...Love Graciella