I need advices...plz help....

[AF1]

[b][color=#3366FF]
Hi.
I hv been w/t my gf 4 almost 8 yrs....but she recently been diagnosed as SLE. However, only her family n I know about this, but recently she told me she wants 2 inform my parents. As u guys know, I disagree w/t this b/c i know once my parents know this then we wont able 2 b together. So, what shoud i do? I really love her and I even plan 2 get married w/t her next yr. So, should i tell my parents about this or not? Plz....i'm confusing rite now....

[sue mac]

Hi and welcome,

It's good to see you are supporting your girlfriend through this difficult time,

but with that said , and please don't think I am being rude or nasty, who are you planning to marry,your girlfriend or your parents?.
I don't know how old you are,if you are living at home or what but ,you must put you and your girlfriend first.
If you truly love her does it matter what your parents say ?It's not as though sle is a contagious disease.

what difference would it make to your parents... its you at the end of the day who will be there for her...
has your parents said anything to you regarding your relationship with your girlfriend.. do they approve..
is it the sle your worried about or the fact that its a girl your parents dont approve of..
like I said its your life and only you can decide what you want to do. your girl will be there for you, and you for your girl..,. that all that matters...

Sorry to be so blunt......

style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/flowers.gif Sue.

[BethannUK]

I guess I am wondering- why would your parents think your girlfriend is unsuitable? SLE doesn't make her less a person- and there are all kinds of things that happen to a person during their lifetime that changes their physical condition... maybe they are worried about your maturity and ability to deal with a partner who may sometimes need more help than average? Is it that maybe you are afraid and don't competely understand SLE? Do you really understand what SLE is and what it means?

I think being open and honest is the best policy- it prevents resentment. But, as has already been said- who is marrying the girl, you or your parents? Maybe you could speak to your parents in advance and let them know your fears and your beliefs. Sound them out a little?

All in all, you have to follow your heart. Your parents chose who they would marry, and I'm sure there were those in their family who raised objections and who didn't want to see them together. You might ask them about that. If you don't follow your heart, there is always regret.

You need perhaps to think about what living with SLE means for you both. Are you really mature enough? Are you ready for the kind of committment that marriage is, even when both partners are completely well?

I would worry about your readiness if you are feeling this way about your parents response. I think a person who was more sure in themselves would be less fearful about their parents response, and would be preparing on how to explain the situation to them rather than anticipating a probelm and giving them the power to make such a significant decision in your life. YOu know, you might have your folks totally wrong and they might be very supportive.

Whatever happens, good luck- and I would encourage you to be honest. And, sorry for being blunt, but if you are man enough to get married, you should be man enough to stand up to your parents and tell them, not ask them, about your girlfriend.

[jude mack]

<span style="color:#993399">Hi There

I agree with Sue, your parents will find out eventually anyway. No time like the presant to tell them. Her illness shouldn't be a big secret from either of your families. I'm sure there could be fall out from your parents, and even hers, but as said it is your life... I think you should tell your parents, and I hope things work out for you. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/clover.gif

Take Care
Jude style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/flowers.gif </span>

[alobreto]

Take a deep breath. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/hugbetter.gif It doesn't sound to me like you are rejecting your love interest. I truly understand what Teri means about hubby, though. I'd be angry, too, but being married is a commitment unlike dating and a higher level of acceptance, caring, and flexibility is expected.

You don't give your age, but even if you are fully physically grown in stature and in years, it sounds like you are dependent on Mom and Dad. Inexperience can lead to bad decisions that can affect the rest of your life. If you are inexperienced in living independently of your parents you will not be able to make a valid decision on whether or not to enter a lifelong relationship with another person without leaning on an outside source for emotional validation or even financial responsibilities.

It would be good for you to live on your own before you decide to marry anyone.

If you ARE living independently of your parents, WHY on EARTH would you CARE what they have to say about your love interest? And are you motivated to continue seeing someone as a form of defiance BECAUSE you want to keep them interested in your love life?

Just some questions to ask yourself. I wish you well!
Angela style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/flowers.gif

[AF1]

Hi you all.
Thanks for ur advices. After reading all your replies, I fell that maybe I'm still not mature enough even thought I'm 27 already. Starting right now, I gatta think about marriage more seriously. As all you said, marriage is a committment not just "I do" that simple. But I do love her no matter what. And in order to have a good marriage and make my girlfriend happy for the rest of her life, I gatta be independent and learn to make a mature and "Right" decision. Anyway, I know what am I ganna do rite now. The 1st thing I gatta do rite now is be honest to my family. I gatta go tell them about my girlfreind's disease and let them know what am I thinking and what am I gatta do afterward. Again, thinks you all...i'm appreciated. Wish you all the best. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif

[BethannUK]

If you are that willing to look at yourself, accept that you need to grow and change, and be willing to face things even if they are scary and difficult, I think you are a lot closer to being in the place you need to be than you realise.

It took a lot of courage to ask what you did, and even more to be willing to listen to people and openly accept some very tough and blunt advice.

I am impressed, and I think your girlfriend has the makings of a good partner in you. You will never stop needing to learn and grow- being willing to ask for- and accept- directions is such a good willingness to have!!!

Good luck and please let us know how things go. Maybe your girlfriend can visit here too, and find some support. PLease keep visiting yourself!

[alobreto]

Hello, again, AF1! style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/wink.gif
I just had to write again because I, too, think it's quite impressive that you are so willing to examine yourself in order to make good decisions. That, in itself, shows a lot of maturity.

I wish you the best as you move forward!
Angela style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/flowers.gif

[sue mac]

Hi Af1,

I too am impressed and I wish you, and your girlfriend all the very best.

style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/flowers.gif Sue.

[AF1]

Hi you all.
I still have 1 more midterm next wk and after that I'll go home for spring break. I'll inform my parents at that period. Well, wish me good luck and of course I'll let you know what's going on here. I guess, I'm gonna come back w/t some good news lol...thanks you all....'


Wish you the best.... style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/biggrin.gif


Btw, my name is Alex... style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/wavey.gif