Does this happen to any of you?

[vickijo]

I have told you that I was home sick Mon and Tues of this week.

My husband actually came home early both days from work.....I know, aww...cause he cares.....no, he came home because he was feeling like I was.....or thought he was.....he was moaning around and telling me how bad he felt.....geesh....

Does anyone elses spouse have "sympathy" pains???
Edited to add:
Of course I also had a grandfather that had cramps once a month right along with my mom....geesh..men??

[Christine UK]

<span style="font-family:Courier New"><span style="font-family:Comic Sans Ms"><span style="font-size:12pt;line-height:100%">
Dont want to offend our lovely men on the board ! style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/biggrin.gif BUT.....well lets just say we women have the common cold...men have flu ! style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/tongue.gif </span></span></span>

[Tom]

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(TeriJ @ Apr 7 2006, 01:53 PM) Quoted post</div><div class='quotemain'>
Most men can't handle pain, as well as women do. It was a study.. Will have to find it. Teri
[/b][/quote]

I do hope you find it Teri, I would be willing to take that challenge. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/mad.gif

[Christine UK]

<span style="font-family:Comic Sans Ms"><span style="font-size:12pt;line-height:100%">
oh blimey.....find it quick ! lol</span></span>

[alobreto]

Tsk! Tsk!

This report is only anecdotal. I mean to say it reports on only a couple of individuals.

While it's possible that the women in this particular blood line may have more of a tendency to select men who experience labor, childbirth, and any number of other ills along with their wives/significant others, it isn't necessarily so that the men in the general population are that way.

I'd like to see the double blind controlled study results, too.
Angela style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/flowers.gif

[BethannUK]

I cant find the pieces of research either, but there is extensive research in the differences between both the way men and women perceieve pain and the response they have to pain. I also believe its why things like Lupus are less common in men- the subjetive problems like pain and fatigue rely on the person reporting them- and men are not going to be comfrotable willingly admitting that they arent as strong or "macho" as they feel they should be.

Women are told (by very silly people|) that the natural pains and problems we experience as our transition into womanhood are something to endure proudly as they make us women. In general, men are not as good at women at understanding their own body, the way it works, what its normal responses are, and as a result have less chances to talk about it. Even when they do understand the anatomy and physiology they dont always nderstand or percieve the emotional connections between body function and mood, needs and communication.

A woman is more likely to ask for help or go for support when she is ill or in pain- she understands that someone will help and that help means she will be able to get back to doing things-
he doesnt like to ask for help because he isnt quite sure that asking for help would take away his appearance of masculinity. To a certain degree, a man will try to manage more independently if something is more severe than a woman will. Men are less likely to ask for extensive post operative analgesia than women are- they dont like the loss of control. Women are more likely to try to talk to their carer about the extent of the therapy and how everyone can work cooperatively to resolve the pain.

According to popular theories, there are more men living with undiagnosed cardiac related pain than women- women understand that pain means you need help, and men dont want to think about what the pain means so they keep it to themselves. You can be "weak" and still meet the societal role of a woman in our society- men dont always see that they could ask for help, admit they are ill, but still be considered "strong". A woman will at least usually tell a friend, who will work on her til she tells someone else and gets help. Men dont say "hey, Charlie, you know, I think I might be having some heart problems...." unless Charlie is a doctor and a friend. A woman will talk to a friend about things like that. Even our rag magazines reinforce that image- we have articles on how to examine our breasts- my husbands most recent mag had an article on how to examine Saskia's (from Big Brother).... ((cough cough)). Its true that men wait longer to get necessary help than women do, and this increases their mortality from things like hypoertension, diabetes, prostate CA, colon cancer. The "embarassing" complaints are too much for many men to bear.

Let me give an example about how our relationships with other people reflect how we discuss and handle pain and illnes- - when my hubby found out I had bought underwear for my mate next door (we are close friends) he had two thoughts- what a humiliating gift for someone to give/how he would feel if one of his friends bought him undies AND- well- one best boiled down to ... "and can I watch?" (yeah, I slapped him Ladies LOL!)

My hubs, and very few other men out there would talk about whether one testicle or the other is bigger or more sore- but we women talk about our boobs that way. Can you see tow men discussing their bowel moevement or pee? We discuss our cramps, fevers, pains, rashes and men run and hide and talk about less threatening things. Thats why mens health issues such as testicular cancer are so difficult to identify, and why men are so much less likely to attend a GP appointment to complain about their pain or to resolve a simple problem. They would rather ignore it and attempt to brave their way through the symptoms than allow someone else to perceive them as weak or out of control, or actually stoop to the level of letting someone know how they feel.

Research very clearly proves that all in all women in our western societies are more comfortable with- and therefor more comfortable with problems with- our bodies and their functions. We have to remember that the societal role for a man is that he will be strong, a little boy sometimes, but macho and masculine- we as women will be chatty, talk to each other about embarassing thigns, and that our responses to pain grow right out of those roles. Women are still seen as natural nurses, mothers and nurturers.

Men who spend a lot of time with women, or who are naturally less "macho" (although not less masculine) will be better about talking about their bodies and their functions. Maybe his sympathy pains are the way he is trying to connect with you, because he doesnt understand what is happening, but wants to understand? Maybe his love and closeness to you are making him "feel" the pains physcially because he emotionally feels them, but h doesnt know how to try to communicate that to you?

I hope this makes sense and helps... we need to help men understand that its ok to takl about their bodies, what it does to them, and how they need to manage themselves. If they cant find a place to talk with someone here, its not *our* fault!!!

Love you Tom!!! and our other lovely blokes out there style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif Of course, since this was a womans ramble, what are the odds Tom even got his far in the post??? LOL!! j/k- it seemed too good not to put that shot in. ((hugs))

[Bouchie11982]

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(TeriJ @ Apr 7 2006, 04:53 PM) Quoted post</div><div class='quotemain'>
Most men can't handle pain, as well as women do. It was a study.. Will have to find it. Teri
[/b][/quote]
LOL they must have studied my father. he is the WORST patient EVER! he bitches and complains and moans and grains...it's like suck it up. you just have a cold! i've gone through 10x's worse then hehas and you've never see me bitch and complain! yea, i'd love to read that study as well and show my mother because she feels the same as i do LOL

[Nutty]

My physiotherapist in the hosptial stated that women have better endurance for internal (organ) pain. Men have a better endurance for pain in the outer extremities (limbs). I don't have a copy of the research either.

Nutty

[sue90x]

If it were down to men to keep the world populated we'd be all but extinct!, theres NO man I know or have heard of that could endure such pain, I once heard one say about the birth of his son that she (his poor wife)didn't feel ANY pain because she had gas! and when she finally?!!! pushed (after five hours of breech labour) he flew out! style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/hissy1.gif style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/hissy1.gif , My mouth opened recalling B-R-E-AT-H-E deeply! and I just gazed in admiration at my poor friend and her adorable much desreved little bundle of joy oh and purely by 'accident' you undertand? spilt HOT coffee down him (laminated floor)
Suex

[Lily]

Well I must have some unusual men in my life then style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/tongue.gif

My father had a heart attack and after being persuaded over the phone by a woman friend rang the ambulance. He answered the door and they said where's the patient! You are looking at him he said style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/tongue.gif he spent a month in hospital and was very ill.

My husband has had major heart surgery and coped admirably well with what must have been pretty awful pain. He also has Rheumatoid Arthritis so has some inkling of what its like to live with a chronic illness.

My son had a very large hernia which he said was uncomfortable (just a little). When he saw the surgeon they had him in and repairing it ASAP because it was quite a bad hernia.

Mind you all these men in my life are not very good at conveying they would like a little tender loving care when they have a cold or a feeling chronically ill from flu or something. They tend to moan and groan a little at those things, and my son hates the site of blood. Ironic his sister is becoming a nurse style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif

So I'm not sure how this sort of thing comes about but I dont think you can generalise when it comes to an individuals experience of things. Its like when someone says to us you look so great.............yes but do they know how we feel on the inside? People have their own way of dealing with things and I'll admit a lot of men tend to sit on some health problems as mentioned in previous posts and delay seeking help. Its part of their make up but to generalise and pass judgement on pain tolerance is a whole nother ballgame I think. Its such an individual thing.

love
Lily

[AmandaB]

Aaahhh yes - the pain question!

As some of you may be aware, I dislocated both knees, tearing the tendons as I fell and had the tendons removed from my right index finger - all at the end of March. I am almost 'back on my feet' with the knee situation and then have to have my finger operated on twice to replace the missing tendons. In addition, I am waiting to hear back about my 'shrinking lung syndrome' and how it is to be treated.

Anyways, since this, my boyfriend has started his UVB treatment for his psioriosis and has suffered severe sunburn and sunstroke on several occasions. i have dutifully been smearing him with moisturisor and 'running' about getting him water, running his bath etc.

The other day, feeling a bit rubbish, I asked if he would assist my with the exercises the Physio gave me. The reaction I got left me rather peeved - to put it politely. He commented that he didn't feel well and felt like I was asking to be babysat and why couldn't I manage on my own?!

Simple answer to this was - reach your own back with the poxy moisturisor, run your own bath, wash your own clothes, make your own dinner, etc!

I know his skin is uncomfortable but at least it's not continous - and he gets a great tan at the end of it! If he can't even do one little thing for me that just involved keeping an eye on what I was doing, he can forget getting any sympathy from me!

Anyway, he's since apologised - all back to normal

Amanda

[pamsline]

Hi Vickie,
My husband is doing the same thing. He thinks he's loopy too. He compares all of his aches and pains to mine.
I agree that he does have some kind of arthritis in his hands and I know it's painful to him. But he goes OOFFFFFFFFFF when it hurts. I mean he gets EVERYBODY'S ATTENTION! You would have thought he just took a bullet or something. LOL. He asks me to make him an appointment to see the dr, but everytime, he makes me cancel it. There's always something that comes up. I'm trying my best to be understanding for him since he at least tries to be understanding for me. But I blew up the other day, and let him have it. Now, neither of us are talking about pain anymore to each other. That's not really what I wanted. I just want the whole dramatic scene to lighten up. My son is the same way. It drives me nuts! Hope your situation gets better. I don't really recommend blowing up. But things HAVE been much quieter around here.
Take care,
Pam

[rwb200]

Sympathy Pains NO.
But stress, worry, concern all mental conditions can cause extereme pain.
As far as most women being able to handle pain better then Men.
You got right there.
Many men I know are big babys. ( Yes this is being admitted to by a man )
Most men are not nearly as strong as most women, I have heard that alot of this is because women deal with stress better then men.
Not sure but I will say this.
I have watched my wife with Lupus for years, I have watched her have problems that made me hurt just seeing it. ( Is this sympathy pains or extreme concern )
She has handled more and went on then I think I could. She is far stronger and far tougher then I am.
She has a strength that is just unreal to me, I admire it.

Many of you probably have just as much strength. To handle all you do and go on as well as you do is admirable. I do not have the problems so I can not say how well I would do. I can say I admire anyone who can take the problems and push on and have some sort of normalcy in life despite it all.

you have a strength that is like steel forged in the hottest fire. Many have not had this and are not as strong, you deal with things everyday that makes the normal run of the mill problems seem small.
This has slowly temperd your strength to a level that is far above most.
style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/goodvibes.gif

[barefut]

Let me complain about my husband complaining.

When he feels bad he'll whine about it and when I offer him good suggestions on how to help himself feel better, he poo-poo's them.

Have a headache? Lie down, use heat or cold, take a relaxing shower or bath, take a pain reliever.....Nope, he doesn't need any of that sissy stuff. He just wants to complain!!!!!!!!!!!!

He burns his candle at both ends, on 4-5 hours sleep, and one meal a day, for weeks, working 8-10 hours a day and then partying until midnight every night and then wonders why he hits a brick wall and is tired and aches like the flu.

I say, "Well, try eating better and getting some sleep for a change. Take an ibuprofen and lie down" He says, "I dont have time for a nap and ibuprofen will kill you." (This from a guy who smokes 2 packs a day, drinks 2 pots of coffee a day, eats once a day and sleeps 5 hours a day.....IBUPROFEN is what's gonna kill him)

AAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH! style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/hissy1.gif style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/tantrum.gif

That feels better. Thanks for allowing me the vent. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/foryou.gif

[barefut]

Now, Let me reply to you Rwb200,

What a sweet, kind, understanding person you are! And what a lucky woman your wife is to have you.

I have been "in the process" of a divorce for years and it is my dream that when it is all over with, to someday meet a man with these fine qualities that you posess.

It means the world to have someone there to take care of you when you're feeling bad physically or emotionally or both, and it means even more when you've never had it.

Your post brings tears to my eyes.

Bless you! You give me hope. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/crying.gif style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/cloud9.gif

style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/wub.gif Barefut

[ImGisele]

[font=Tahoma][size=7][color=#6600CC]
The morning after I gave birth to our 5th child by cesarean section, my husband passed a kidney stone...
style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/wub.gif Been there kiddo, every single time I get sick, I avoid talking about it because my husband gets "sicker". I don't want to have to take care of him while I feel bad.

Good Luck style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/clover.gif I am Gisele