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jm_jazzy
04-08-2006, 03:46 PM
Hi all,

As some you may remember my husband is away in NYC until the start of May. He will have been gone for three months and at seven months pregnant I can't wait for his return. He left only after I told him to go something along the lines of I am not sick just pregnant and I have actually been quite well.

During his abscence I have discovered that 'our' friends are actually his friends and I haven't heard from hardly anyone. Actually the entire time he has been away I have heard from three people other than my family and only one more than once. The others wanted help of some sort. I have phoned a few to see if they were doing anything or text them to catch up and I haven't heard a thing.

In retrospect, my friends disappeared around the time I was sickest. I wasn't any fun anymore I didn't have the energy to go out and sometimes not even to talk on the phone. They said I only talked about my illness. I didn't I just hadn't much to say because I was too sick to do anything. I never really noticed that they stopped calling and just thought that they had move on as friends sometimes do. As hubby and I had lots of other friends it didn't seem such an issue. Last year hubby threw me a birthday party and they didn't show up. I figured I was better off without friends like that, and wasn't overly worried. When I got pregnant I called them to share the news but they weren't that interested.

I am not the easiest person to get along with but I didn't think I was that bad. Although I am sure I will make some new friends in the future, I am a little upset to discover that overall, there is no one there for me. I shouldn't complain because hubby usually is and will be back soon. But it is not really good to have no one else.

Although I have you guys to talk to, I am feeling quite alone and I am not sure I will be able to make the effort required once I have a new baby. I guess I am feeling a little surprised that I don't actually have anyone and it has taken me 2 months to realise. Funny thing is although i am feeling lonely, I am not overly upset by it, just annoyed at myself for not making more of an effort to get to know other people. I had plenty of opportunities it just seemed so draining. I am sure you understand how hard it is to smile and be nice when you are so tired and grumpy you want to scream. The people I work with often comment on how I have changed now I am pregnant. Much nicer, they say. Ummm no, actually I have changed because I am feeling well for once.

Anyway I have you guys which is a great help, it would be nice though to have someone to call up to chat or to have coffee with.

Bye for now.


Jodie style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/wub.gif

zara
04-08-2006, 07:45 PM
I completely understand the lack of a social life. There is just no energy to put into it. People get together because they feel happy and energized by being around others. The cold hard fact is that when we are tired, achy and irritable as a result we have little to offer to these situations. I used to force myself to go out but found out that I was "wet blanket" when I did that. Now I only go out when i'm sure i'll be up for it. Then people are happy to see me and I get the "wow, what have you been up too, haven't seen you in forever" response. I live in a small town so there are regular hang outs where I know I will see familiar people.

There are people who enjoy more quiet activities and the subtleties of life. One of my best friends has a mother who is disabled so she understands. I found a treasure of a person in her but she is moving away in a few months for a career opportunity. It makes me lonely to think about it, so I don't. I know we will keep in touch online and via phone calls and she will visit me when she is in town. Most of my relationships with people are this way now anyway. I work full time and just have no energy at the end of the day to leave the house again for additional activity. Then on weekends I spend my time recouperating.

On the positive side, it sounds like you have people who love you. Dwell on that even if they are not many. Quality over quantity. Take care. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/flowers.gif

alobreto
04-09-2006, 05:53 AM
I have to second what Zara has said! style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif

When we don't feel well, we don't make good company? style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/aww.gif I don't think anyone who feels ill can be the life of the party for very long without collapsing. And what good are friends who don't know you in all your splendour AND with all your imperfections?

Zara is absolutely right! You have people who love and care for you! You are a rich woman! Quality of relationships is MUCH more important than quantity!
Angela style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/flowers.gif

jm_jazzy
04-11-2006, 02:15 PM
Thanks Zara and Angela,

I will remember that quality over quantity! Actually when I really thought about it, the so called 'friends' I have lost were not really the friends I would have kept long term. Lupus or Not. I am sure to find some quieter soles soon and I really am thankful for what I have. Just sometimes lfor all of us it gets a bit much.

Anyway hubby will be back soon and if all goes well a new family is not long now. I do feel very rich.

Thank you for making me realise it.

Bye for now.

Jodie style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/wub.gif