Need to let off steam!!

[RachelSut]

Need to let off steam!!

Since my diagnosis most of my friends have railed round and been fantastically supportive so I can?t really complain. BUT!! Two friends, who have both had their fair share of c*#p in the past and who I tried my best to be there for, just don?t give a d*#n. I?ve not had a single phone call in 6 months except an odd one for them to moan on about their problems. How are you? doesn?t seem to be question they know! I?m sick of it ?cos it gets me so wound up and thinking maybe I should make more effort and try and be normal despite my debilitating condition, which then get me cross with myself for thinking like that!! I know friends like that aren?t worth it but it?s just so upsetting when you think you know someone and then when you need them to be there for you they're not!!
Just had to let off steam as I guess many of you have been in similar situations!! Fell better now!

style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/hissy1.gif style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/hissy1.gif

[pauline1946]

you'll find more people like that as the years go on.
try to just let it go. NO you don't have to try to be more
normal.

What's normal for you is'nt normal for someone else
just do the best you can do, but do it for yourself.
in the end that's all that matter's.

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[alobreto]

Yes, unfortunately there are many people who cannot see past their own importance. I agree that it's best to be thankful you found out before it was a critical need. Some people simply do not know how to be a friend and you're better off knowing who in your circle belongs in that group.
Angela style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/flowers.gif

PS It is disappointing, though, and it does make you angry!

[busylizzie]

I've had the same problem recently with one of my closest friends - or so I thought! style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/sad.gif We used to share everything - all our good and bad times and we've been friends for years but since I've been ill she's hardly been in touch. I emailed her a few times and she does reply but she never rings and if I don't email, I don't hear from her so I've decided to give up now. There's only so much we can do and maybe these people aren't really our friends after all. It is upsetting and I feel hurt too but I guess we have to come to terms with it somehow.

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[Paulin46]

Maintaining friendships takes a lot of energy. Might as well use on those who are worthy of our time.

I don't mean to sound uncaring, but there are those who add to our life and those who take away. I don't have too much to give away anymore........... style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/sad.gif

[peonyprincess]

I kicked one friend to the curn because she got jealous, yes I said jealous of my situation. She had the nerve to get mad at me and ask in a screaming tone, "why does it always have to be about you?". Hmmmm, I guess I am the one deathy ill (at the itme I was in ICU extremely sick). I guess I am the one with Lupus, HTN, CHF, COPD, Cancer (cervical), etc, etc, etc. If you feel that I am getting more than my fair share of attention, by all means let me give you my disease and tell me how fun it is to be the center of attention. I think a walk in our shoes would stop a lot of bi*ching!!!!!


Nancy

[RachelSut]

Thanks to you all!! style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/Thanx.gif

It?s just upsetting when you see people?s true colours especially at times you really need them!!

I am lucky I?m not physically too ill at the moment ?mostly extreme fatigue and joint pain-but emotionally it can be so hard-I keep crying style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/sad.gif when I listen to what my contemporaries are up to, simple stuff that?s impossible for me at the moment- then kick myself for letting it all get to me but I guess you just can?t be strong and positive all the time.

Rachel style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/unsure.gif

[helloos]

Hi Rachel.

I read your post and it could me saying that. I have three really best friends. One is in a great mess herself and I have talked with her over and over hour after hour, to help her with her problems, which I don't mind the least of bit because I want to try to help her and be there for her. But, she has not asked me once, how have your been, is everything under control, what is the latest development? Nothing. Nothing at all. It is just ignored.

My other friend who has two children and works full time and is very busy with her life, same thing. She had a few surgeries, I was there 100% for her, anything happened, I'm there. Always. She never even calls me now. It is me that has to call her. When I do, she is quiet and doesn't say too much. She never ever says "how are you feeling, what is going on?". It is ignored.

My other friend who has a pretty rough life at the moment, she will ask every now and then, but I don't tell her too much because she thinks I am dying. Very dramatic friend and she heard that a neighbor died of Lupus and immediately thought of calling me at 10:00 at night to tell me this, so I couldn't sleep. Not her intention, her intention is good, but don't tell her too much because -she thinks I am dying.

So I can totally relate to what you are saying. If I don't pick up the phone and call, we would not keep in touch. But when they need something - I am there, no matter how sick, no matter what, and I don't think I could ever change that part of me either. Oh well.

At least you have us!