A trip wid frnds who don't really understand....

[SueC]

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I went on a trip this sunday to another district which is abt 3 or 4 hrs ride from my place. Before getting to the place, I was already tired on the car.
when I got to the place, I was not in the mood to hv fun or even smile at all. So, I went along with my frnds on the trip and didn't talk or smile much. My frnds thought I was troubled by sth. I was just tired. I didn't know how to tell them since only one of them knows tht I hv SLE and she doesn't even know the seriousness of it. It's not tht I didn't tell her. I've told her many times, but I don't think she really belives me. Coz' it shows in her eyes tht she thinks I'm just making them up so dat I could stay in ease. Sometimes when we go out n abt n, when I ask her if my face got dark by rashes, she looks at me with tht face like I'm overly sensitive on my looks! I've had enough of it lately in shopping trips so I didn't want tht anymore from anybody so I didn't talk to anybody how I felt tired.
Another thing was, the trip started quite early in the morning so I had to get up quite a bit early. I wasn't sure I would be able to wake up so I didn't sleep the night bfore at all. I sat n waited for the sun to come up. N then I prepared things n went to the meeting place. So, I was feeling a bit dizzy n short of patience too.
I didn't talk much on the trip n sat around a lot. The worst of all is dat it was a bd party+trip so, it looked like I didn't care abt the bd girl at all. She got pissed. I don't know how to tell her tht I was really tired n wasn't really in the mood to smile n hv fun like them. More like, I couldn't hv fun. I was tired n angry for nth the whole time n all I wanted to do was sleep in bed at home.
Tht trip really sucked! I don't know how to make up to the bd girl anymore. She must be thinking I'm rude or I don't care abt her or sth. I did tell her tht I didn't hv any sleep the night bfore. She said it's ok but didn't seem like so. And other frnds say they understand but their looks show tht they don't. Darn! style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/sad.gif Wht am I supposed to do now??style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/crying.gif

It really suck to hv lupus. I HATE it! Why do we hv to go throu all this??

Sometimes, it just seems hard to keep on pushing urself to b optimistic abt things...


Sue
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[helloos]

Hi there !!

I read your post and think "wow it sounds like me"

I understand how you feel and you are right it stinks and that our friends just don't understand.

I think what did it for you was that you had no sleep the night before ! When I don't get a good nights rest, the fatigue and pain is much worse the next day. The car drive alone makes you tired even though you are sitting.

Maybe these people need to know how hard of a time you are having and maybe telling them would help? It is just a suggestion. Maybe if this girl knew that you had Lupus and understood the severity of it, she would be more understanding.

Maybe slip a card in the mail with some brief explanation.

Or just forget about it.

My hubby said lets go for a 6 hour drive and stay 2 days somewhere....the thought of the ride for 6 hours made me sick, thinking how can I be in the car for 6 hours and then arrive and stay for 2 days when that trip will ruin it? I didn't quite respond that way but said is their somewhere a little closer that we can go to and have more time there? So I know how you feel about the ride.
Maybe next time, you can get together closer?

Try not to let it get you down. You can only do what you can do. It is not your fault. Brush it off and enjoy the rest of your day.

Hugs to you !

[Ms.Louise]

Bless your heart, I know just how you feel.
My well meaning daughter decided what I
needed was a vacation. So, we planned a four
day trip. The three hour drive did me in too
and left me speechless. After just two days we
were on the way home. Which was the high light of the trip.
I'm just greatful she understood.
I think my next trip will be camping in my own back yard.

Sincerely, Louise

[lazylegs]

Anticipation always causes me to have a hard time sleeping. It doesn't matter if it is something I am looking forward to or not. Any sleep is better than none though. With no sleep I am in much worse shape.

You can't expect your friends to understand if they don't know. Personally I would let it go. However since it is bothering you I would take the birthday girl out for ice cream and tell her about your lupus and why you were so out of it that day. Of course she really won't understand what you were going through but she will know you weren't intentionally trying to ruin the outing. Keep the explanation simple then go on to friendly chatter.

A 3 to 4 hour ride with activity once you get there, then a ride home would be out of the question for me. You may need to learn to scale back some of the activities you attempt. You want to be able to enjoy yourself, not dread going places. Yes you will miss out on some of the fun but you will feel so much better in the long run.

Take care,
Lazylegs

[SueC]

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hi paula

yes, mayb it's the no-sleep tht caused such awkwardness on the trip.
I did apologize v well to my frnd n I don't think I could do more than tht. I don't wanna go on telling abt lupus to everybody. Somehow, I feel like I'm not really comfortable with dat.
Once when I was attending tuition, when I said I'm sick n tht I can't get out into sun, ppl in the tuition made a face like "Oh,right! Like her skin is so precious." One of them asked me wht disease I hv, I answered "SLE" n she said "I've never heard of it". I got a bit angry n instantly answered bck "Yea, I thought so. Tht's why I didn't tell anybody." Whom does she think she is? A doctor?
Since then, I didn't want to explain abt it to ppl. Bcoz' I know, most ppl would give ignorant remarks or mean expressions, knowingly or unknowingly. Tht's why I dont' wanna explain abt it to my frnds or anybody new anymore.

I guess, I shd just forget abt it...

Thnks so much for ur reply n suggestions.


hi Louise

I'm glad to hear tht ur daughter understands wht u're goin throu. N it's also a good idea to camp in ur back yard. I wish u the best of luck for tht.

I guess, next time I shd choose some place nearer to my home. thnks for the reply.


hi lazylegs

thnk u for ur advice. next time, I'll try to b careful on things tht I do to hv fun so dat I won't end up feeling bad for ruining the event for everybody. I really wish I hadn't went on to tht trip with my frnds but I did. I did comtemplated if I shd go or not but at last, I decided to give myself lil fun. I didn't think things would end up disasterous like dat. If I knew, I wouldn't hv gone. I must hv looked like a bad person to them. But I did apologize good to them so I wish it'd b ok by now. If it's not ok, well then there's nth more I can do. I'll just hv to forget abt tht n learn to b careful next time. (or mayb make sure there is no next time like dat!)


with lots of luv,
Sue
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