Lost it at hairdressers

[cinderashes]

Hi all... Just thought I would log on and say hi... and get it off my chest - I had a bit of a cry today at the hairdressers which was embarrassing and I ended up feeling like such a wimp... my hairdresser is my husbands best friends daughter and she is so lovely but as she was washing my hair the tears just started welling up and i couldn't get a grip. of course she noticed and asked me to tell her what was wrong, i tried to explain about lupus but not sure she really understood as i made it sound much less serious than it is and she never heard of it before. i went to the hairdresser to try and make myself feel a bit better!

Just lately i keep having these overwhelming moments when i just cannot control the tears, and whatever or wherever I am I have to just weep. it only lasts for a few minutes and then i kind of get a handle on it and deep breath, find a tissue and carry on. Luckily so far i've not been at work teaching when it's happened or in a place where I cannot excuse myself and nip to the loo...

Not sure it's connected to lupus as I've had this before usually just before my period (this is coming at a different time of the month) Anyone else had anything similar?

Anyway aside from that i'm a bit frustrated as my rheumy sent me an appt for Nov which was a bit unexpected but then rang when i was out. i keep trying to ring back but cannot get through using the relay system for deaf people (think it is a problem with the hospital switchboard) and by the time my hubby gets home from work the office is closed anyway! i will get my mum to ring on Monday but it's annoying cos I wanna find out NOW! (thats just my impatience coming out now)

Also hope you are all well, sending you smiles
Cinders X

[mandy_au]

Hiya Cinders,

I hear ya! I have been feeling similar a lot lately, I think because I was only dxd a couple of months ago (with MCTD), so there's some through coming to terms with it, but I have also been flairing a lot and after a few or more days of constant pain & fatigue ... even being a positively minded person in general, I break down easily, it can all be overwhelming at times.
From what I've read depression is another symptom of Lupus, but if you don't mind my saying, it may have been due to having your hair washed in a relaxing atmosphere ... it sounds funny perhaps, but a few years ago I gave a now ex boyfriend a head and face massage and he cried big time (and he's not usually a crier) ... the massage had released a lot of built up tension

It looks like you did get to help yourself feel better ... just not in the way you expected

Good luck with your Rheume, and sending ya big comfort hugs,
Take special care,
Mandy

[justdoing]

Hi Cinderashes,

Lately I have been the exact same way. Mainly at night I just start and seems like I can't control it. Sometimes at work I feel it coming and gotta leave and get it together. But I say I should get an Oscar because I keep it togehter very well and hid :lol:

Take Care

[Joandublin]

Hi again Cinders:)

First of all....loads of hugs :hugbetter: :hugbetter: :hugbetter:.....

I can see from your recent posts that you are feeling progressively more and more 'down' and I think you are right to be concerned about this. I know you still dont have a 'definite' diagnosis despite being on Plaq for 5 years but did you know that depression is a very REAL part of Lupus? Here is a link which explains it

http://www.lupus.org/education/brochures/depress07.html

Whether you are depressed as a physical manifestation of Lupus or whether you are having a reactive depression because of your chronic symptoms makes no difference to my mind. You may very well need some treatment to help you at the moment because depression rarely just vanishes by itself and it almost certainly gets worse before it gets better:hugbetter:

I know how frustrated you must be with the hospital at this point - given your communication difficulties - so I am wishing that Monday comes really quick for you by the way;)

In the meantime, keep posting. As you already know, there are many members here who can understand what you are going through and are very willing to lend their support to others.

Take care and let us know what the hospital says

Luv n stuff
Joan:rose:

[sunflowergirl2]

:(Cinders, sorry that you are feeling so badly! I was diagnosed with lupus 11 yrs ago, RA 1 yr ago. I still have trouble comprehending and accepting this disease. I've been on anti-depressants for a long time. Have weaned off a few times, but now realize I really need them. Support is so important,too! I don't have much support from family or friends, but this site has been a life saver for me! Have made some wonderful friends here, they understand what you're going thru. Join us in chat sometime. Take care! Cathy

[cinderashes]

hi everyone

Thanks so much for all your replies, this place is fab and it makes a real difference knowing i can come here and find others going through the same thing.

I read the article Joan and let my hubby read it as well. I have had depression for many years now, before my docs started talking about lupus, I think it is mainly reactive as I had a really awful few years in the 1990s, lots of trauma and emotional stuff, i also get a touch of SAD which starts to kick in about now as the days get shorter! I am reluctant to go back on the anti depressants and in the past when i've had counselling it has really helped, I find that talking works better for me... of course it is hard to find a counseller who is deaf aware and can sign, but this year i have my wonderful husband and the fact i can tell people I probably have lupus. And of course, I have everyone here! ((((hugs))))

I think you are right Mandy, the fact I was in a nice place having someone else wash my hair and look after me did release tension, my lovely hairdresser even text messaged me later asking how I felt and that i could chat to her anytime.

i'll post to let you know what the hosp said, hopefully my mum can get through and I will make sure i complain about the switchboard cutting me off every time i try to ring on my textphone!

Take care everyone, thank you for your continued support
Love and hugs
cinders

[Joandublin]

Hi Cinders:)

Im glad to know that posting has helped you. It must be so difficult trying to find a counsellor who is deaf aware and can sign also:sad: I am a strong believer in certain therapuetic interventions but if they are of the wrong kind, they can do more harm than good. I hope you can find a counsellor who can help.

Sometimes we all just get overwhelmed with all the stuff we have to deal with and that is very normal. I would just say to keep an eye on it. I really understand your reluctance to go back on anti depressants and I always believe that if we can do without an extra chemical in our bodies, all the better. But sometimes we just cant.

My own daughter has suffered from depression for many years and her doctor and herself began to realise that there was a pattern only two years ago. She now believes that she is most affected during the winter months which leads her to believe that she has SAD. What she and her doctor have decided to do was for her to start taking anti d's in October and work through the winter, weaning off them by about May. For the last two years this plan has served her very well. Apparently people with SAD seem to crash badly around about February and she has avoided this crash for the past two years.

Sometimes people feel that taking anti-depressants has to be a life-long thing. In fact many people take them intermittently and during certain periods of their life. Knowing when you need them and when you dont is a major step towards feeling in control of your depression and being in control of your depression is half the battle.

Your husband sounds like a wonderful support Cinders:)

Remember, the plan is to get through this period and come out smiling. You are the best judge as to how to do that and what feels right for you:)

Take care
Luv n stuff
Joan:rose:

[halfpintfl]

:) Hi Cinders, I am so sorry that you are feeling so low right now and having such a battle with your emotions.but I can relate. I have a standing time and appt. with my hairdresser every week. I have also tried to tell her what lupus is, to no avail. Well, for the last two months, I have had to cancel my time and try to get a new time. So finally two weeks ago, I felt so bad that I had been doing this to her, that I figured I would try to explain what lupus really is sh she would understand. Well I began, and the more that I said, the more I began to loose it, till finally I was crying, and they all were gathered around me and telling me that it wasn't my fault , that I didn;t wish to get sick, etc. This past week I went in with a smile on my face, and everyone of them greeted me with a "Hello" and a smile. But, deep inside me, I still feel that they really don't
understand completely, but that's ok, at least it is a little better. I was verry embarassed at the time, but not any more, I shouldn't have to be. Keep posting, ok?:wink2:

[helloos]

Just a thought - I have a deaf relative and he has translators that help out. They attend his appointments, etc. do you think you have a service that can do this for you at your appointments with the counselors?

I am sorry that you are feeling overwhelmed. I have experienced what you have before. For no reason, the tears come out and drop. I could fill a cup. I think you are going through a lot and need some hugs and chocolates.


http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_2_80.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZN) http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/8/8_8_40.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZN)

[cinderashes]

Hi everyone

Thank you so much for all your messages and hugs and especially the chocolates ;) Paula!

I have finally managed to get in touch with the hospital, my mum rang for me and the person who rang was a lupus specialist nurse, seemed really nice, she was ringing to say my rheumy had asked her to contact me so we can meet up for a chat about lupus. So it seems as if i am going to be able to get some advice about what support is there in this area, and regards conception, etc... best of all she has arranged for me to go in on a day when the clinic is not on, just so that my husband can come with me and interpret into sign language.

I am able to get translators for hospital appts as this is covered by the disability legislation, it can be difficult as there are only 188 registered qualified interpreters for 70,000 deaf people in this country! (My hubby works part time) I do get them for appts, but not for counsellers as this counts as a 'private service' and i would not be able to afford it. I'm trying to find out more about an email counselling service, has anyone heard of such a thing?

In any case i am feeling a little bit brighter, now i know what's going on with the hospital, and it's really only at bedtime i start to get weepy, the rest of the day i actually feel like going out!

Hope you are all smiling today
Cinders X (hugs)