Intimate questions

[Tazzytnt]

Hi
I am in a new relationship and this is the first time I have been in a serious relationship in years and the one before this there was no sex (we were both in church). So I have a lot of questions, first I have been lucky that my libido is very high so even with my meds I have no problems as far as wanting sex. But how can I make things easier on my body I make sure to take some meds before hand but any other advise would help. Also what is the best way to help my boyfriend understand the magnitude of what's going on. He is really great but I fear that if I my health really begins to go crazy he will be taken by surprise. Since we don't live together he doesn't see the day in and day out pain. He sees me at my best mostly or at least when I am feeling better. And of course being with someone helps me feel better emotionally so I have been feeling a little better. So any input would be great thanks
Tazzytnt:)

[Teken Melocotoff]

Hi
I am in a new relationship and this is the first time I have been in a serious relationship in years and the one before this there was no sex (we were both in church). So I have a lot of questions, first I have been lucky that my libido is very high so even with my meds I have no problems as far as wanting sex. But how can I make things easier on my body I make sure to take some meds before hand but any other advise would help. Also what is the best way to help my boyfriend understand the magnitude of what's going on. He is really great but I fear that if I my health really begins to go crazy he will be taken by surprise. Since we don't live together he doesn't see the day in and day out pain. He sees me at my best mostly or at least when I am feeling better. And of course being with someone helps me feel better emotionally so I have been feeling a little better. So any input would be great thanks
Tazzytnt:)

Hi. I myself dont have lupus, but my significant other does. Lupus does affect your intimate relations, and its hard for men who dont understand how it all works to cope.

For instance, your libido is high, but there will be times that your libido will be low, and you might feel otherwise fine or ok. Dryness is also an issue. You will need to communicate to your significant other very clearly that sometimes, your body just wont cooperate, but that you still find him attractive. And if lupus itself wasnt bad enough, a lot of the medication also affects the body in ways that hampers a relationship.

To be honest, i really didnt understand what was going on till i decided to educate myself more about the disease and how it affects relationships. I know it sounds dumb, but being told was one thing, but seeing that other people are going through the same clarifies that you as women arent trying to pull an "i have a headache" routine and we dont feel as failures as men.
Again, that was just me.

[balla]

Hi tazzy. So happy you have found a person to share time with but i think the best idea is to be honest from the start.My daughter is 20 and due to her illness she gets real tired (not lupus but b12,raynauds etc) and she started new relationship all was well at first and she tried to do her best but then it hit her not having enough sleep etc. He din't know of her illness so thought she had gone off him and was making excuses untill we sat down and told him this isn't the case she has been pushing herself to make you think she is ok. So please hun start with tell him about your bad days and that it isn't anything he has done or not done whan your ill.I don't know if you have sjogrens but i have problems with sexual relationship and being so dry my skin wrips and unable to have my husband near me that can also cause trouble in long term relationships not just new...You want to but can't it's so sore took my husband a long time to realise it wasn't him.My daughter although as not got sjogrens is now going through same problems bleeding and wriping when having sex with partner.You real need to be honest and tell him of your illness.

GOOD LUCK IN YOUR NEW RELATIONSHIP.SUE

[Tazzytnt]

thanks he knows all about my illness I just haven't had any really bad days yet. He is going to go to my support group with me next month. I think that when there is a bad day he will be happy just to spend time or just hold me. I have had some soreness but i think that is do to the amount of sex we have had :wink2: Beyond the physical we get along really well and we can talk about everything. We both grew up in a drug addict poor household, so we can relate to each other. I know I am falling for him I just want to get as much input as possible thank you so much

[rwb200]

Hello
As far as what would help it is very hard to answer this. Since it is dificult to go into much depth on this subject and keep it for all ages and all people.
Given this I would say the best thing you can do is speak to your Doctor or Doctors. Tell them what problems you are having and see what they recommend.

As far as the other the best thing you can do is set down and explain things to your friend. Do not hold back details and be as honest as possible.
This may still not completely prepare them for some cases but it can sure make the majority easier to understand.
For the really bad times I fear that no amount of education or experience can fully prepare you for these times.

I pray that no one ever has to see the worst of times. Or at least what I have seen and consider the worst of times. For these there is nothing that helps except for Love and Faith. They will get a person through these times. But they can not be prepared for.