still standing ... or sitting

[spellbinder]

hi kids,

well its been quite awhile since i've come to chat. joe moved out last saturday, it was all i could do to keep it together.so i get the house and all the furnishings and he gets the bills. seems fair :eek: .

i still can not stop crying, i feel like i'm in a nightmare that i can't wake up from, oh and the real nightmares happen when i'm asleep. i feel like i just can't do this. its not worth it. they say god puts us here for reason, i guess mine is to be lost with no way home.i still have not told my folks about this, can't bear to hear my mother ask me what i did wrong ... i think she loves him more than me sometimes.

the house sure is lonely, the cats are confussed. he does come over 3/4 evenings a week, kinda like how we were living together, and calls me every nite before i go to bed. i wrote him a letter and stuck it in one of his suits pocket, hopefully he will read it, am sure he will.he still won't talk about this situtation, he doesn't alwayslike talking about such things, which is one reason we are in this boat. he said that we never resolved any problems, i said, well if you wouldn't run off to the basement to work maybe we would and this wouldn't have happened. today he is at a seminar at his church on how to get in touch with jesus, wish he would take a seminar on how to in touch with your wife and marriage.this is all so confussing.

i've been losing more weight, down to 102. my eeg came back moderately abnormal, mainly in the tempral(sorry can't spell today)lobes and some in the center, dr. said maybe we will try ivig, woohoo another medication.

i'm sorry i haven't been on the board much lately, i'really only complain and cry these days. my gosh when do your tears ducts dry up??

i'm still hoping he will take this time to figure out what the problem is so we can address it and he will come home ... sad sap that i am, i still do love him completely and want him home.

anyway hope you all are doing well, for all of you that are new .. greetings and salutations. those of you having a rough time of it, i wish you better days ahead take your meds and rest.

take care my lovelies

[LoopyLoo]

((((((((Spellbinder))))))))

You complain & cry all you want to here, you have good reason. This is a horrible situation for you, especially as you are still very much in contact. He obviously still cares for you very much.

I really hope this works out for you Spellbinder but please remember to look after yourself.

Sending you soft tissues to dry your tears :kleenex: and a teddy bear to hug http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/12/12_1_145.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZNxmk121KPGB).

Hugs'n'stuff,

Pam xxx:hug:





http://www.smileycentral.com/sig.jsp?pc=ZSzeb112&pp=ZNxmk121KPGB (http://smiley.smileycentral.com/download/index.jhtml?partner=ZSzeb112_ZNxmk121KPGB&utm_id=7920)

[sue90x]

((((((((((Spellbinder)))))))))) :hugbetter:

what on earth can I possibly say baby?, I'm soo very sorry for you truly I am, you're going through what I consider to be my very worse nightmare, I've thought lots of times what if's, after big rows with my hubby but oh my lord I feel sick for you, you cry scream and shout anything you feel like, wish you were nearer, keep your eyelids as moist as possible, not with the tears, whack a chilled teabag or cucumber slices on when you go to bed tonight, they'll feel ever so slightly better.
But until tonight :kleenex:
love and hugs
Sue xx

[MILLMILL81]

Hi am very sorry,for what you are going throw, all you have to do is make sure that you are taking your med and take care of ypur self. here in puerto rico there is a saying it goes like this,
if you love something, you let it go and if it comes back it was yours allways and if it dosen't it never was.
remember that life is short and you have to live it to its fullest.:)

Mill:)

[neongirl]

Spellbinder;
You are not complaining, you are coping the best way you can in a terrible situation, that takes courage! Know that I am thinking about you and praying for you. As far as your husband going to the seminar, he couldn't be in a more appropriate place........Jesus is available for anyone,let's hope your hubby gets in touch with him and realizes what he is doing is wrong on so many levels. Take care, cry as often as needed, and don't worry about what the folks think.

[Weese]

Spellbinder, I am so sorry for all the sadness and stress you must be experiencing right now. ((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))). I understand the feelings you are talking about including not wanting to go on. 18 years ago my first husband called me from work to tell me he wouldnt be coming home again. I had some odd feelings about his overtime, acting distant at times, etc... but i was in it for the long haul.

He found a co-worker to be with in his yugo in the parking lot! :eek: . I was sooooooo ashamed. Dont know why i was but at the time i just was. I had quit my job, was in college, and had a three year old.

I felt ashamed to tell my parents as i am the youngest kid that always does the right thing. I called them that night. They were great, dad changed the lock the next morning! :rotfl: . It was a hard first year. It gets easier each month but I wasnt sick then.

I can not tell you how sorry I am for you to go through all this with Lupus. Please go talk with your doctor about everything. If you are not already on an antidepressant you may need one for a while. I know i did, and stayed on them for the next 4 years following.

please dont give up. i have found everytime a door closed in my life another opened. Sometimes it could have opened a little sooner though! :) .

Thinking of you, Lisa

[AmandaB]

Hi SpellBinder,

I read your first post last week and wasn't sure what to say to comfort you. After reading this I'm still not sure but one thing I do know - if you ever need to talk, you have many friends here.

Take care
:worried:
Amanda

[helloos]

Hi Spellbinder.....

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v307/melstep/Graphics/Hugs%20-%20Thoughts%20-%20Prayers/Praying4You1234.jpg

[spellbinder]

mornin kids,

thanks again for the support, seems i've been saying that alot. you are all so wonderful.

i got an email from my mother in-law who wrote very kind words, you know, we still love teri, you are always welcome here, etc., etc..
and then she said, "i feel bad for both you going thru this" ... well i actually giggled thinking ... why should you feel bad for joe, he did this and is getting what he wants. i'm the one who was left, i'm the one in pain, and your son did it to me. not a very nice thing to say but i did think it. i did respond and thanked her but i told her exactly what happen, joe just told them the WE separated, i told WE did nothing HE left. i think my dark side is raising it evil head,:eek:

mill - i liked your little saying, here in the states it goes like this ..
if you love someone let them go and if they love you they will return... if they don't, hunt them down and shoot them!

sue - your right this is MY worst nightmare coming true, and i can't seem to wake up from it ... but unfortunately i do wake up every morning to relive my nightmare.

joe came over yesterday, we spent a few hours together, some of it rehashing the situation, he still can only come up with he just wants to live alone, and wants to be friends ... gad, i feel like i'm in high school. i also found it odd when he said he would do it all over again(get married and all), now why would someone want to it all over again if they wanted to leave?? very strange, he says he does still love me, and wants to take care of me and spend time with me, just wants to live alone ... god this is sooo sureal. he actually told me that he found a lady at church who has a company that sends people over to run errands and to come over and chat ... a paid companion as it were. i feel like a pound puppy. he didn't understand why i would feel that way ... man is so obtuce.

anyway i'm babbling again ...thanks for reading a day in the life of teri.

take care and be well

[LoopyLoo]

Spellbinder,

Whenever you've shared so much time & given so much to someone they become part of you & that never goes away. Whether it's a good or bad situation it makes us the people we are.

Here's a thought & please tell me if I'm wrong here. From what you've said it seems that he still needs to be around you & needed by you.

Is there any way you can be a bit more 'dismissive' around him. I know it will be hard but it might make him realise what he's losing. It really sounds like you guys had a good marraige & he's totally mixed up (male menopause or something).

I truly hope this all works out for you :hug:

Lots'a'luv,

Pam xxx

[sue90x]

Hi there,
I'm with Pam here, try a bit of reverse psychology, when he next wants to come over you're already doing something,anything if you've got friends male or female start dropping their names into convos and I know its so very hard but try to keep laughing when hes around, maybe even suggest hes got the right idea, and we're all oh so young for so long these days, basically lie to him until you get the result you so much want, my gut is churning putting myself in your place, mail me anytime
love and hugs
Sue xx