Can you drive?

[halfpintfl]

;) Hi guys, it's me again. I need to know something, cause the not-knowing is putting me into depression. I have always been very independant, I used to be a viviting Hospice nurse etc. I kind of feel like within the next few months, that I am going to go into remission, or at leastI am feeling better. The trouble is, my worring hubby knows that lupus fog means forgetting, and he won't let me near the car. I believe we all know what it feels like to lose our
independance ( I just want to die) To put a little lightness on the subject, I need to buy some new bra's. excuse me to the men, anyway, I can't even go do that. He says he will drive me, and I know that he will, but ladies know how many you have to try on b/4 you find the right one, and I told him that. he says that he will just walk around and wait, right-----for an hour?I guess my final and most very importand question is; how many of you still drive, and did you have to stop for a while? Please help me, I have been crying over thins in the bathroom and he doesn't even know, I am tired of bringing it up. Guys, this is really important to me. Thanks
to all my friends.:worried: :(

[birdie]

I have foggy moments like we all do, but have to say that I do drive myself about locally. If we are doing any long drivng then my poor hubby does all the driving he won't let me take the wehel at all. As he knows if I do any driving I won't be fit for nothing else that day. It all depends on how you feel and if you feel you can drive, I don't think there is nay right or wrong way.

[jude mack]

Hello Halfpint

I still drive around town, although I have gotten lost a couple of times.:eek: I don't drive on the highway anymore as my legs hurt after a bit, and the brain fog doesn't help. Maybe you could take hubby out for a spin, just so he can see that your okay to drive. Good luck to you.

Hugs Jude:)

[angie1]

I drive all the time too! I have my own car and I would never give it up. I know what you mean when you need to do your shopping on your own. My husband never comes with me when I'm shopping for clothes. He knows better. You're right, sometimes we need to be there for awhile. Do you have a cell phone where you can keep in touch with him and let him know that you're okay? That might do the trick. Good luck!

Angie

[sheila t]

Sadly due to my Forgetfulness and getting very confused at times. (lupus Fog) I gave up driving. Two years ago. :( I spoke to my Rheum at the time, about this and asked him what he thought. He said that it was up to me, but he did feel, also due to me being on morphine for the pain, and how bad my memory, I maybe not alert enough. I agreed...I missed it at first, but not now. I got a disabled bus pass...Which is free where I live and I bus it almost everywhere. I also have high mobilty DLA which helps me pay for taxi's, to and from hospital / doctors appointments etc...I really think it depends on person to person, but I no longer felt comfortable driving. I used to worry I would cause a accident.

Hugs Sheila xxx

[confused1]

I have intervals where I have to give up driving. I'm in one now. My balance is just enough off that motion around me is confusing. My husband also worries about me driving because when too many things happen at once, it's very difficult for me to respond quickly and appropriately. Rain. Windshield wipers. Radio. More than one person to drop off. Traffic. Just too much.So I try not to drive when it's raining/snowing. And long distance is out of the question. It would just put me away.

It's horrible to give up independence. My husband is wonderful and patient, but sometiems we want to just "shop" and that's not the way men work. It's also hard to give up the ability to meet friends out for coffee or get to my exercise class. I do tend to get very down when I can't drive.

Sunny

[lazylegs]

Hi Halfpint,

I didn't drive for 2 years. It really put a crimp in my style. My husband hates shopping so I hated to ask him to take me. When I did he would say I had 15 minutes. Between that and being so exhausted I quit shopping and did it all online.

The neuro finally cleared me to drive but only during the day in town. Just being able to drive myself to my appointments is liberating. On really bad brain fog days I don't attempt it though. I wouldn't want to be the cause of an accident.

Take care,
Lazylegs

[Jenkay]

I understand where you are at. I haven't been able to drive 50% or more of the time since last September and have 3 small children who need to get places. My husband does everything and he does take me to where I need to go when I can't (due to heavy fog but also rare migraines where I pass out a lot, this has happened a couple of times while driving and I get of the road ASAP). The loss of independence is overwhelming especially when we all use to be so active. I use to go shopping all day sometimes with my girls but I can't make it more than a couple hours anymore so I only go when I'm feeling really well or have hubby take me for what I need. Funny, I don't need as much as I use to.

Anyway, you are not alone and I hope that your fog lifts as it often does so you can go get those bras. Ha, it takes me hours to find the right fit

[sapphirrasmagick]

I drive sometimes here in town, but only when it's pretty quiet (no heavy traffic) and I'm just going a short distance, and I already know how to get there.
If I need to go out of town for an appt. or shopping or whatnot, or somewhere I've never been before, or anywhere that requires me to go faster than 35 mph, my mom drives me.
I'm perfectly fine with that, because honestly, I find driving very stressful even when I feel fine, and now that I'm taking Neurontin, I just don't feel very comfortable behind the wheel.
I'd hate to cause an accident, too.

[denalirat]

I am currently okay to drive and do appreciate having a little bit of my freedom back, but I spent probably 14 of the last 20 months not driving due to seizures. I was really frustrated at first -- it felt like a complete loss of freedom and I hated having to ask my friends for rides or having to explain to people why I didn't drive even though I had a car. When I'm here at home (in a more suburban community), I really hate not driving because the bus system is not sufficient. It stops around 6 pm and doesn't even cover the whole town. But back where I used to live (in a bigger city), I didn't mind driving and actually really enjoyed taking the bus everywhere. It gave me time to relax my mind, listen to music, and read while I took the bus. Kinda like my "down time" every single day :)

Anyway...I don't know what is appropriate for your situation, but I just wanted to give my two cents and say that while it can be frustrating...sometimes it can actually be really great (depending on what your public transportation situation looks like).

[acard]

These last 14 months have been my worse regarding my health. I have had to stop driving for several reasons. Medicines, syncope and so on. I absolutely hate it. I do shop on-line or hubby takes me and he is not fun to shop with.:(

I agree that you should take hubby for a test drive so you can show him.

If not shop on-line:hehe: It can be fun and at least you won't be exhausted-Who am I fooling there is nothing better than shopping at a mall.

Good Luck,
Becca

[GOOD2BALIVE]

HI JUST RELPYING TO YOUR PROBLEM ABOUT DRIVING, WELL I THANKFULLY HAVE BEEN ABLE TO DRIVE TILL NOW, ITS BEEN ALMOST A WEEK AND A HALF THAT I HAVEN'T DRIVEN AT ALL, I'VE BEEN GETTING PANIC ATTACKS, I DON'T KNOW WHY, MY DR SAYS THAT IT'S CAUSE ALOT OF STRESS WHICH I SO HAVE ALOT OF, BUT IT HAD BEEN ALMOST A YEAR THAT U HAD'NT HAD THOSE NASTY PANIC ATTACKS, I UNDERSTAND YOUR FRUSTATION BUT ITS BETTER TO BE MAD AND NOT DRIVE THAN MAD AND DRIVE, MAD MEANING FOGGY...

JUST HAVE PATIENCE AND YOU'LL SEE THINGS WILL WORK OUT, SOMETIMES ITS A GOOD THING TO HAVE YOUR HUBBY DRIVE YOU AROUND, YOU CAN BUY ALOT MORE STUFF, IF HE'S THE ONE HOLDING THE CASH OF COURSE..

[GOOD2BALIVE]

HI JUST RELPYING TO YOUR PROBLEM ABOUT DRIVING, WELL I THANKFULLY HAVE BEEN ABLE TO DRIVE TILL NOW, ITS BEEN ALMOST A WEEK AND A HALF THAT I HAVEN'T DRIVEN AT ALL, I'VE BEEN GETTING PANIC ATTACKS, I DON'T KNOW WHY, MY DR SAYS THAT IT'S CAUSE ALOT OF STRESS WHICH I SO HAVE ALOT OF, BUT IT HAD BEEN ALMOST A YEAR THAT U HAD'NT HAD THOSE NASTY PANIC ATTACKS, I UNDERSTAND YOUR FRUSTATION BUT ITS BETTER TO BE MAD AND NOT DRIVE THAN MAD AND DRIVE, MAD MEANING FOGGY...

JUST HAVE PATIENCE AND YOU'LL SEE THINGS WILL WORK OUT, SOMETIMES ITS A GOOD THING TO HAVE YOUR HUBBY DRIVE YOU AROUND, YOU CAN BUY ALOT MORE STUFF, IF HE'S THE ONE HOLDING THE CASH OF COURSE..
GOT A LITTLE CRAZY WITH THE MAD PART, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN,

[Joandublin]

Hi Halfpint

I was really sorry to read how distressing all this is for you:hugbetter:

First of all, its great that you are starting to feel so much better and are considering driving again. Of course its possible! I guess the problems are probably more to do with your husbands concerns rather than your ability.

The point I am trying to make is do YOU feel capable and able to drive? If so, I am quite sure that you would not be making this decision unless you were very sure.

I wonder if there could be a compromise reached? Would you consider getting a few driving trips with a licensed instructor? If all goes well this may ease your husbands concerns and perhaps also give you the confidence to get back behind the wheel. If you havent driven for a long time it can be real scary getting back behind that wheel for the first time and if you have the security of a professional instructor by your side it could make all the difference.

I look forward to reading your post titled 'Woo Hoo - Driving again!'

Much love
Joan:rose:

[LolaLola]

Dear Halfpint,
I do drive a little locally. I probably shouldn't! I have never asked as I may not like the answer.
I do live somewhere quite quiet, no Motorways.
Can't imagine anything worse than Hubby stalking about while you shop.
I can't do all the trying on stuff so buy from catalogues. Found one type of bra that is okay and have always bought the same.
x Lola

[Raglet]

it's YOUR decision, not your husbands, whether or not you drive.

How do YOU feel about driving ? Because at the end of the day that is what matters.

Honestly, I would go batty if I had to rely on someone driving me everywhere, I would rather get a bus or a taxi to do my shopping. Sometimes it is nice to go out together, but I have to have my own life too.

I have times where I don't drive, and frankly when I am not well enough to drive I find driving very scarey as I just can't cope with all those cars coming at me. I feel like I am riding a huge out of control metal cow when I am like that, just awful. I get half price taxi's (disability), so it is very easy to grab a taxi instead if I need to.

but, to put it bluntly, don't let hubby boss you around, however well meaning. There is a fine line between concern and control, and only you can judge what is going on here.

anyway, i hope you forgive me my blunt talk, this is just one of those issues that really push my buttons!

cheers

raglet

[peonyprincess]

I can drive, I think that sometimes my fmaily wishes that I wouldn't. I sometimes forget where are going. I have driven out to the cable business and paid my waterbill there and have taken my cable bill to the bank, and have taken my deposit tp the water dep. Luckily they all k now me and they get things straightened out.

My other problem is parking. I can park with no difficulty at say Walmart, HyVee, etc. When I attempt to parallel park. that is another problem ll together. I have no problem missing the cars, however, I am unable to judge distance anymore and always hit the curb, Of course the kids and my hubby get a charge out of it.

Oh well.....I am sorry that yo have been reduced toi what you have. It is just another freedom that our disease takes from us.


Nancy

[SoCalEric]

I live in Southern California, it's impossible to do anything without a car! My job as a photographer has me on the road all day, going from one assignment to the other, usually a good 50 miles a day. I've been through chemo treatments twice and some pretty bad flares and only once, a few years ago, did I feel the need to notify my employer and see my Doc. because I was having troubles (the ole brain fog, I'd forget where I was and what I was doing, but never a driving problem where I felt I was in danger or a danger to others). Because I'm on the road so much I have had accidents, but never my fault (nasty one last year, woman on cell phone turned in front of me, I hit her head on, I HATE people talking on cell phones!).
IMO it's your choice. How do you feel, do you feel comfortable driving. It's nice your husband wants to protect you, but if you feel capable then you should be allowed to do it.

Eric

[helloos]

I've been away for a bit and just read your post and wanted to send a hug your way.

I still drive. Sometimes I cannot do the long drives though and get foggy and dizzy.

I would just have hubby drive you and meet you back in an hour so you don't feel like you are rushing.

It is better to be safe but at the same time I can understand how you feel like you are losing your independency. It must really stink. But I guess I would just remind myself it is temporay and for your safety. A car accident would set things back a bit.

Try to pamper yourself, you deserve it.

Hope you feel better.

[raggedyann1]

halfpint,

Do you have CNS involvement with your lupus or just the regular brain fog. I drive myself locally but not very far but that is due to the pain in my metatarsul joints. I hate asking my husband to take me bra shopping. If you want to go along with your husbands request what about calling a girlfriend to take you shopping. I have a few friends who love to take me out shopping. It is good to have eye to eye contact with other females.
I do most of my shopping online as I can only handle so many trips in a week.

If you feel like you could be driving discuss it with your rheumatologist. I would hope if the doctor says its fine your husband would feel more confident with it. It was terribly difficult for me in the beginning. I have grown accustomed to it over time. I have to be in a wheelchair so it wouldn't do me much good to drive without someone on the other end to push my wheelchair.

Take care,
Karen

[Edith]

Hi Becca,

Sorry to hear about your difficulties. I have trouble driving too but have not had to give it up yet. When I was really flaring, before I was diagnosed and on no meds I really felt like I shouldn't be driving. But everyone else didn't think I was sick so I just kept on doing it. I got in a minor fender bender. I was pretty upset.

My continuing problem is that I have pain in my achilles tendon area which makes stop and go traffic a real problem. I don't have the strength to hold the brake pedal down all the time if there is a lot of it. So I try to avoid rush hours if possible. And I also avoid the freeway because I get that feeling like everything is happening too fast and I will make a mistake at too high a speed to recover. So I stay on the surface roads.

So it sounds like a lot of us have issues with driving. It's not fair and I hope you can find a solution for your issues. Take care.

[Douglas]

Great thread! Thank God I can still drive and ride my motorcycle but can see the time coming when I will have to give it up. My left knee and right hip are the biggest problems. My old sport coupe has a clutch pedal but the motorcycle is the only style I can ride, a cruiser with forward foot controls. I can't even sit on a sport bike or a touring bike or most wee scooters because of my hip. This also means I cannot ride a horse but I was never much committed to that despite living in the West.
So yes I can still drive. And I love it.
Douglas+

[Michelle D.]

Yes, it is frustrating and I know how you feel. I had to stop driving almost 5 years ago due to blance problems, dizziness, peripheral & depth perception problems, brain fog and seizures.
I live in the country so there is no bus or taxi, so I rely on my dear husband, who has been very good about it all. I know what you mean though it is a loss of freedom and I hate to ask him too much. I have learned to consolidate my trips as much as I can. Online shopping, home delivery and catalogues are good.
I was angry and frustrated for sure and it took a bit of time for me to think that I just had to do the best I could considering the situation.... and I do feel quite a bit better now about it all. Yes, there are still times I think I wish I could just go myself or I'll just try and go myself. But I've accepted it now.... although I won't ever lose hope that things could change.
I just found for me that the frustration was taking over what happy time I had with my husband and daughter and I may not be able to control a lot of things but this wasn't going to get the best of me.

I'm sorry this has happened to you, it's a hard one but I hope you may be able to get back to driving and have some sense that you're not alone, others understand.

Michelle

[rwb200]

Hello
My wife drives as much as she wants to drive.
She restricts herself on it more then anything else doing it.

Since she retired a few years ago if she does not want to get out she does not have to. So if it is snowing, raining or if she just does not feel like driving she doesn't. When she wants to she does.

She had one period of several months that she was not able to drive but she also was not able to walk so she couldn't even get to the car without help let alone drive.
When she got where she could walk and get in and out of a chair without trouble we went to the parking lot of a local school one week end.
These are nice size parking lots and on week ends are empty so she was able to drive about as much as she wanted till she felt more comfortable behind the wheel again.

She knows better then I do if she feels good enough to get out and drive. When she does it is fine and when she doesn't we work with that and make it work.

She likes to go shopping with me at times but we have found ways of making it easier.
We will take a early nap and then go to the supper walmart at midnight on friday. It is alot less crowded and she can look all she wants and I just look at what I want.
We set a place where we will meet when we are both done like the video area and who ever gets done first will just go there and wait for the other.