I am a rubberband

[peonyprincess]

A week ago, my 84yr old mother-in-law had a terrible accident at home. She had gotten up in the attic to retrieve a must have item. The problem is the attic is not entire finished off and she mis-stepped and ended up falling thru the ceiling of the garage (attic is over the gaage), landed on the car, bounced off of it and then fell to the garage floor. Her injuries were numerous. She received a subdural hematoma, a laceration to her head that required 9 stitches, broken ribs, a broken pelvis in 3 places, an abdominal hematoma, as well as multiple other skin tears, bruises, etc. She has even had to have emergency surgery a couple of days ago.

Since the accident, I have spent every night at the hospital. I have seen a woman you is sharp as a tack and is a very active woman turn into a woman who is scared, weak, and very dependant. I am not totally sure of her future, but I have a vague idea what is going to occur. It wouldn't be so hard to deal with, if my father-in-law was healthy, but he isn't. he has Alzheimers and we are not supposed to address that fact. He becomes very hateful and on the verge of aggressive. He forgets his medication and when I suggest home care to come in and help him with it, he gets nasty. He refuses to tell me if he is eating and what. Sometimes it is just small talk and he is spiteful at not only me, but my children. My husband gets yelled at by his mother, but she acts totally innocent around me.

When I do come home, my house is a mess and I am getting no help. I have asked numerous times, both nice and with yelling involved, no one seems to get it. I am exhausted. I spend half the night up with her, come home clean house, take a nap, run errands, clean house, fix meals, do laundry, referree fights, and then back to the hospital to start everything over. Meanwhile, I know my health is failing. I am on 160mg of lasix which is not working. I have horrible pitting edema, get completely short winded with the slightest movement. My oxygen sats at rest is at best 91%. I do have an appointment tomorrow with my doc and not sure what he is going to do. I feel I need a week in bed to recoupe, but I do not have time right now. I have asked for help from my mother, but she seems to think that taking care of her dog is more important than helping me. ARRGHHHH!!!!!

I hate to ask the all important question.......what next?


Nancy

[acard]

Oh Nancy:hug:
I take it that Hubby is working. You need to hold a family meeting and invite your Mom over and you are going to have to assign chores to everybody even hubby. It will not hurt him to work all day then help out with his parents.

You have 4 wonderful children who can help out around the house. They can vacumm, take out trash, do dishes, fix b-fast, make lunches and your daughter can put togther some simple dinners. Toasted cheese sandwhiches and tomatoe soup. It will not hurt to eat simple for a week or so.

You need to get rest because how are you going to be any help when you are in the hospital because you have been burning the candle at both ends. You need to put your foot down.

You need to ask your Mom for help and tell her why. Explain to her that your CHF could be rearing its ugly head. I am sorry but you need to take of yourself too. I know you love your mil but you can't take the chance of being hospitalized either. Please, Please, Please rest and take care and do what you need to do to get you o2 sats back up and to get those fluids off.

Can your inlaws afford a home healthcare nurse or even better how about insurance? If mil is soooo bad maybe dr can get a home healthcare nurse. Can they get a housekeeper on top of that?

My other thought is can your mom maybe hire a housekeeper for you if she is not willing to help you out?

Bottom line: You need to rest and take care of you:( That my friend is a order:blush:
Please keep us updated on what is going on. I am concerned.
Lots of Love,:love:
Becca

[jude mack]

Nancy I agree, it's time to divy out some of the chores, you can't go on like this. I'm sorry to hear about your gran, that is a terrible thing to happen. You need help and rest fast before you crash. Sending big hugs your way.:grhug:

Hugs Jude:)

[confused1]

Dear Superwoman,

It's time to rest the cape. The stretchy suit is looking a bit frayed as well, and could probably use some rest. To that end, I suggest taking off the cape and lovely stretchy superwoman suit and putting on some nice comfy PJ's and getting some rest.

Seriously, you are working way way too hard. Just look around at the situation and then imagine yourself so sick that you have to be hospitalized. Not good.

I don't know what finances will allow in your situation, but IMHO it's time to consider long term care for your inlaws. Your MIL unfortunately is likely to suffer the consequences of this fall for the rest of her life. She needs care. Your FIL obviously needs someone monitoring his diet and meds (not you).

It sounds to me like time for a family meeting where the realities are put on the table bluntly along side real solutions (in-home nurse, long term care facility, etc). You are carrying this too much alone. You must look out for your own health.

Hugs and hopes for better times,
Sunny

[helloos]

You sound like me !

But as you have told me before, you come first and you need to take care of yourself.

If your mom-n-law is in the hospital, she is getting the care she needs and although you are being wonderful in going there every night, you really don't need to, do you?

Rest assured that she is getting the care and tell her that you are ill right now and cannot go every night.

I agree to divide up the house chores. When stressful things like this happen, I say forget the house. I don't even care anymore. Do the dishes and the bathroom for sanitary reasons, the rest dusting, washing, etc. can all wait. Having a family meeting would be a great idea and to invite your mom.

Time to take that step back and rest for yourself.

Hope you feel better - if I lived near you, I would come help you out !

But I can only send hugs to you and can understand the stress of it all.

Are those hospital lights hurting you?

[goats]

stop doing the laundry, when they have no clean clothes they will learn how.
stop doing the dishes let them wash them or they can buy paper plates.
can you contact a social worker at the hospital for long term care for both in laws. it will be a long term affair

if you health gets worse you will be in the hospital with you mother in law

I don't say these things to be mean, but I have been there and ended up over sick for three years after eighteen months of being super women caring for the family .the farm and pallitive care for my mom at home .
I lost myself and to this day I don't know if I found myself.
I would do some of it over again. specially mom, but with a lot more help.

dinners can be made easier by the family. if they want to eat
I know it is hard to let the house and family go and fend for themselves.but someday they will be out in the real world anyway,they just won't be leaving the mess in your house.
and realise that when you collaspe so will everything else

please take care of yourself and listen to the doctor.

[LolaLola]

Sweetheart, You know really that this can't continue. Please get any help you can.
x Lola

[LoopyLoo]

((((((((((Nancy))))))))))

I can't give you any better advice than you've already had. All I can do is reinforce what others have said.

This is a train wreck waiting to happen for you & you need to stop it now.

You can't afford to get sick, even a woman that was 100% healthy would have trouble coping with what you are going through.

Can you not 'share' the visiting to at least give you a night off. If my Grandad is in hospital (I'm his carer) then Hubby will go alone a couple of times so I can have a night off.

You are such a strength to others on the board....this time you need to listen to what your friends are saying. Everyone here cares about you.

Please take very good care of you :hugbetter:

Love,

Pam xxx

[Sleaps2much]

Just wanted to add a few hugs along the way (((((((((((((Nancy)))))))))))

Take care of you

Sleaps

[flutterbye]

((((((Nancy))))))))

I am sorry to hear of your Mother-in-Laws accident, and the immense pressure that you are under.

A rubberband can only be stretched so much before it snaps.

I agree with others suggestions, and that you simply cannot continue this way.

It must feel overwhelming at the moment, perhaps if you break things down a little, and definately divide up some of these things. It is too much for one person to do under any circumstances.

I wish and hope for things to become easier for you xxx

[Weese]

Nancy, I am so sorry about your mother in law. Is your husband an only child? If not then someone needs to start helping out, especially with your father in law.

You need to take time to rest each day even if the clothes and dishes are dirty. I find when they want a bowl of cereal they will wash a bowl! You know the nursing staff at the hospital will take care of your mother in law. Make contact with the charge nurses so they will keep you updated if you have to go home to rest. If the census is low they may let you rest there as well.

I really feel for you as it seems when one thing goes wrong everything goes wrong. I have been there and I really cant tell you any one thing to fix this. Time will pass and you will wonder how you did it and hope it never happens again :( . Just try to take care of yourself, the cleaning will wait. Lisa

[peonyprincess]

Thank you everyone who has responded. It is always nice to know that so many different people care. I did NOT stay at the hospital Sunday, Monday or tonight. I didn't even go in the last two nights as things here have been hectic enough.

As for the nurses at this hospital..............I am not overly impressed with many of them. I had to argue with one of them that they needed to remove an IV that had caused my mil's arm to become red and nasty looking. You have to keep on top of them to turn her every two hours or it won't get done. They would allow her to have ice chips, but kept them out of her reach. When they decided to put her on a liquid diet, they set the tray down on the table and left. She could not reach it, let alone feed herself. Her speech became very slurred and thick. They told me this was normal.............wrong. This woman prior to the accident and immediately following surgery was as sharp as a tack and extremely active, now she reminded you of a nursing home patient. I tried to be polite and when that was getting me no where, I got a little firm, and when they poo pooed me off, I got irrate. Finally I got a CT of the head ordered since there had been no follow up on her subdural hematoma. Evidently they found something because the did an MRI today as well. They finally sent someone in to help her with her meals, and after much insistance, they finally changed her morphine settings on her PCA pump. I am sure they think that I am a royal you know what, I do not care. Now we await results from the tests.

I did see my doc today about all my water retention in my legs. He was rather impressed since I have been on 160mg of Lasix for some time now. So, for the next week, I am going to up my Lasix to 240mg a day as well as up my Potassium. I am to take my blood pressure and right it down and let him know how that is doing as well. Of course we did the wonderful labs, chest xrays and all. I go back next week to see how we are doing, I am not holding my breath.

My dd Brit, who has been having problems as well went to her doc today and was found that one leg is shorter than the other. Now if that wasn't enough, we have also found that Brit has a 45 degree curve in her spin which means Scoliosis......yippee....what a day.

We ended this wonderful day be going and seeing my youngest dd perform at her chorus assembly, very relaxing. And now, the house is quiet. shhhhhh


Nancy