Rollin', rollin', rollin' ...

[ALWIN]

I'm going to boast. And you're just going to have to put up with it :p

In a fit of denial (or a fit of pure mental - haven't decided yet :bounce: :bounce: :bounce:!!!!) I took up horse riding.

I even returned after my first lesson, which is impressive in my book, because I was left (and I do not exaggerate) positively crippled for six days. Indeed, my gait resembled that of Max Wall.

You see, I had not been warned, but I have since fathomed, that before you go on a wee horsey for the first time you must place a rope with a loop on either end over the toilet (with the seat down). You should then position yourself on the seat, put your feet through the loops (cos they're really stirrups) and proceed to (somehow) get yourself (holding nothing - you should have both fists held out in front of you because they're holding your reins) into a half stand / half squatting position. You then, in as dignified a way as possible, (but trust me on this - there isn't one), sit, and then do a half stand / half squat in sequence ... as if there is a candle in the toilet bowl heating up the seat. And don't you even think of leaning forwards when you do this because you will get really, really done by your instructor if you show signs of even thinking about leaning anywhere. You are an erect pole ... squating and stuff ... like erect poles do.

I imagine, that after mastering this exercise, one should develop muscles in the correct places for doing as your instructor tells you on only your second or third lesson. You must prepare, because she isn't going to tell you to do this once or twice - oh no. She's going to make you do it more than three times AND make you repeat it too. On the same day. Within the same hour.

Can you remember the theme tune for Raw Hide?

Well I never really understood it - but I do now...

Rollin', rollin', rollin' ...
My bottom is swollin' ...
Bawlin', bawlin', bawlin' ..
RAW HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDE!

Anybody got a Sorbo ring? If you could chill it, then wrap it in something fluffy before you lend it to me I'd be awfully grateful ....


With little dignity, but positively swollen with ... pride ...

Alwin

PS I can recommend it. Do you know you get a set of steps so you can climb on if you go somewhere they are used to disabled people?

It's terrific. You've still got to get off of course. I seem to be struggling with that, but give me time. I've only had 3 lessons, but I'm pretty sure the speed (triple lightening) at which I drop off the thing after getting my leg over isn't quite right. Horse always looks a bit shaken anyway ...

[Zoi]

Your post made my day!!! :rotfl:

Horseback riding!!!! Hats off to you!!!! :bow: :thumbs: :cheer2:

That toilet exercise sounds really complicated and nearly impossible to do! I can't even imagine what the real thing would be like!! Glad you enjoyed it though!!!


Zoi

[keebler]

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

Your post made me smile. :)

There is no way I could do that toliet excerise.:lol:

Congrats on horse back riding.:dancing: :yahoo: I am very impressed.

Now I have the theme of "Raw Hide" going threw my head.:p :blink:

Keep those trails rollin Alwin.:wink2:

:flowery:
Lyn

[Marika]

so funny,

but then i thought about all these exercise shows on TV. to show u how to get a tight backside , thigh and stomache...so u could advertise on TV...with a demo ofcourse...no need to buy expensive fitness machines....Alwins sure fire results promised at the end of one week...
but i beg with a demo please...
:wink2::wink2: Marika

[Joandublin]

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Well done you! (I think!) I dont know if I really should be encouraging you or not!! :lol:

As for that darn song! It is rollin, rollin, rollin round my head all night!

Luv n stuff
Joan:rose:

[Raglet]

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha :hehe: :hehe: :p :p :lol: :lol: :lol:

Eloquently put my dear chap - 50 ways to describe a numb bum me thinks.

I am currently on the waiting list for riding for the disabled, but it seems that I have either fallen off the list (which wouldn't surprise me) or it is a very long list. Actually I think so much of the emphasis is on children that old codgers like me don't get much of a look in, which is fair enough really. If I had a young disabled child I would certainly want them to being put first on the list.

Anyway, please keep us posted about progress, or lack of, and I will certainly look at the toilet with new respect next time I pay it a visit

cheers

raglet

[neongirl]

Hats off to you Alwin! The toilet thing sounds treacherous, but worth it if it enables you to ride a horse! I hope the lessons continue well for you and less painfully in the future:lol: Keep rollin rollin rollin:rotfl: :rotfl:

[Katharine]

Hi alwin,
Thanks for a good laugh. I used to train horses and teach people to better deal with them so you really cracked me up. I never thought of the toilet thing!
At least you won't do as a friend of mine did - wear a g-string riding !!
She got blisters :rotfl:
Horses are great, I miss mine greatly even if I still train to help people out,
have fun,
Katharine

[pauline1946]

My last horse back ride ended with a lot of saddle sores, and they
sure were not on the saddle.:wink2:
Ended up having to see a doctor.:(
Good luck to you.

[Sage Hen]

Alwin,

I just got such a kick from your funny post! Thanks, so much for the laughter..Have fun with the horse.:rotfl:

Sage Hen

[nicky00]

That was just sooooooooooo funny:rotfl:

I have forgotten how much I wanted to horseride.

You have inspired me to give it a try,

Either that or I buy a candle:rotfl:

Nicky

[ALWIN]

Nooooo! :eek:

To eveybody out there ... do not try the candle & toilet & loops thing!

I imagine it will really, really, really, really, really hurt.

I do reckon, if you could master it, horse riding muscles would result, but it is probably a lot safer to just go and have some lessons!

I had another yesterday, & have realised that the toilet just isn't wide enough. And there are other difficulties - keeping a candle alight within a functioning toilet bowl being one. :rotfl: Could probably fashion something out of plasticine come to think of it ...

Anyway - suggestions for an item wide enough, that can be safey positioned above the ground, that will allow effective exercises for the purpose under discussion, would be gratefully received. I can't see me progressing very quickly on 1 hour a week on the real thing, and I'm desperate to get so I can try to do a little jump. It would make my year, it really would.

Apparently I need to stretch my groins, then all will be well. :ashamed:

Learning how to do the splits is out. I would never achieve it and would only be able to try when the house was empty because of the blood curdling screams that would certainly result. House empty / nobody to get me back up again. Not wise methinx.

After yesterday's lesson, which involved learning how to weave in and out of some posts, whilst ... walking, the horse did a right number on me.

I had coaxed and encouraged and squeezed like a little good 'un, but the horse was not in the mood for exercise. In fact, I caught a glimse of him going past a mirror on the wall whilst I was trying to make him walk a little faster, and he actually had his eyes shut! It's no good for your pride, you know.

When I got off, his owner came in & jumped on. And I do mean 'jumped on'. From the ground, she jumped on ... scarey lady. Do you know what? He just took off like a rocket. And to rub aslt into the wound, whilst he pranced around as if he'd been that lively all day, he proceeded to look straight at me. All the way round the indoor school he was staring right at me. Like a ballerina in a spin keeping her eyes focussed on the same spot.

In fact, like ... nar-nar-ne-nar-nar ... ever feel you've beeen had?

I think he is a bogey-faced-traitor.

There was a really lively looking one pawing to get out of his stable when we went to collect this horse to tack up, but the instructor just laughed at me when I asked if I could try him. So that's my second goal.

1. Learn how to do a little jump.
2. Aim to get a go on the wild and impatient looking beast.
2. b) Keep my eyes open whilst on it.
2. c) Survive with my neck and all the sticky out bits intact.

Somebody mentioned a friend going riding whilst wearing a g-string. Now I've done some stupid things in my life, but I don't think I've done anything to myself that has ever caused as much pain as the blisters she received.

I'll bet it is not a mistake she is ever likely to repeat ... :ashamed:

This summer anybody who has fancied a go and thinks they are too old, too unfit, too disabled - go and ask to go out on a walk on horseback in a group (perhaps with friends or family) at a local riding school. They will tell you if it is feasible or not.

If you are in a state like me afterwards it doesn't matter. If you want to do it again there is no law stating how regularly you go. If I struggle to recover I will drop my time down to once a month or something.

It makes you feel alive. Like the young chap who did the ghyll kamikazi (?spelling) thing.

Alwin x

[neongirl]

Way to hang in there Alwin:lol: I imagine the horse shaped his act up because he knoew what that other gal, the "horse jumper" was capable of if he didn't:hehe: . Seriously, having been a farm girl in my childhood, that horse was telling you he didn't think you were the boss of him, he thinks he is the boss of you:lol:He was seriously messing with you:wink2: Be kind but, ride him a little firmer and with more assertiveness/authority. Look him right in the eyes before you mount him so he knows you mean business:p . I enjoy reading about your adventures, it brightens my day considerably:)