A little sensitive subject. Need some girly advice. | Lupus Forums at The Lupus Site
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A little sensitive subject. Need some girly advice.

Discussion in 'Relationships & Lupus' started by mishmash, Jan 7, 2016.

  1. mishmash

    mishmash Registered

    Hello all, hope you are all doing well.
    I've not been on here for a long time just needed some advice.

    My husband and I are undergoing fertility testing as we would love the opportunity to start a family.

    my main question is regarding libido. I am really struggling with this at the moment, and obviously with the family planning it is somewhat important lol. I just can't stand anyone in my space and this includes my husband so have been rejecting him and pushing him away. I feel so sore to touch which also contributes to my feelings.

    I just wondered if these are common things with a lupus flair as I'm not doing to well at the moment. ?
    Does libido suffer during a flair?
    Do you get soreness of the skin?

    Sorry if this is a bit personal to ask on here? I have an appointment with Rheumy tomorrow and didn't know whether appropriate to discuss with him? My gp is not worth the visit. Feeling so low and down at the moment.

    Apologies againof not appropriate or wrong place.

  2. Jessica1

    Jessica1 Moderator

    Hi mishmash
    I would say that you should mention it to your Rheumy if you feel able but it's no surprise that you're struggling in this department. Having this condition and more so if you're flaring often makes just getting out of bed in the morning feel like wading uphill through treacle after being hit by a tuck never mind considering anything else more active! Lupus can affect your mental health either as part of the condition or the effects of having to make such adjustments to your daily life so it's also possible that you might not be feeling on top of the world emotionally as well as physically.

    I'm no expert so have looked on the main site and found this which might be helpful:
    What about my sex life?

    There is no doubt that your appearance and behaviour may change with lupus. You may feel more sensitive to these changes and feel that your partner doesn't understand. It goes without saying that some relationships do end but this is a fact of life and happens even without an illness. You need to be able to communicate what you are feeling, what anxieties you or your partner have and if you can't solve these alone perhaps it is time to seek professional help.

    Lupus can certainly affect your sex life and the closeness of your relationship. There may be psychological and physical reasons for your sex life to become affected. Physically you may be experiencing muscle and joint pains and not feel able or want to move around. Pain can restrict the activity of love making, therefore, it is important to try and find ways to relax muscles and reduce pain. Massage, warm baths and relaxation may help. You may need to try different positions to put less strain on joints. Learn to talk to your partner about what is comfortable for both of you. Take into consideration the time of day you make love. If you experience early morning loss of mobility you might want to restrict your love making to afternoons or evenings. Fatigue as previously mentioned can affect 90% of people with lupus. Therefore, if you are tired you will not enjoy lovemaking. However, talk to your partner and let them know why you don't want to make love. Being close to someone in their arms can also be a loving experience.

    Other problems that may be encountered are:
    Drugs may be painkillers that make you feel drowsy. As with coping with the pain, find time when you have adequate pain relief without feeling drowsy. Some drugs eg beta blockers, can diminish sex drive. It may be possible, on advice from your doctor, to change the brand of drug being used to one which does not have this effect. If this is not possible you should explain to your partner that your medication is responsible for your lack of libido and that you are not just 'cooling off' your relationship! With Raynauds, the circulation of blood being restricted may also cause you to feel pain and uncomfortable during love making. Warm baths and a warm atmosphere can help.

    Dryness — just as some people develop sore eyes and mouth you can also develop a sore and even sometimes ulcerated vagina. Ulcers should not necessarily inhibit lovemaking. Soreness and dryness may be overcome with longer foreplay to increase lubrication or by using lubricants such as KY jelly. If this soreness and dryness persist it may be necessary to seek medical advice. Don't be embarrassed, you will not be the first person to consult your doctor about this problem.

    I think it would be important for you to get your condition under control before planning a baby - maybe by mentioning your plan to start a family to the Rheumy you can introduce the subject for discussion.

    All the best with your appointment.
    Best wishes,
    wolf1 likes this.
  3. mishmash

    mishmash Registered

    Thank you so much for your advice. I really do appreciate it. Will try to mention it tomorrow, although it's a last minute appointment have booked an emergency appointment as struggling so hopefully will have time to discuss this.

    Thank you again xx
  4. MrE

    MrE New Member

    YES! I was sore to the touch upon being diagnosed too. I wouldn't consider it a libido problem though. It's a Lupido (I just made that up) problem. People don't understand how Lupus feels and there are so many symptoms. No one wants to doink when they can barely walk.

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