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Accused of lying

Discussion in 'Relationships & Lupus' started by jlb, Jul 26, 2016.

  1. jlb

    jlb Member

    So my mother and sister decided to plan a vacation to disneyland for me and my kids. They did not ask me about any of the plans. I was not involved in the decision to even make the plans, asked when would be a good time between appointments or work or just life in general. When i have made any comments to my mother about being sick and not feeling up to the trip the only response i received was i have $5000 in this trip thats nonrefundable. I forced myself to walk around and go on rides constantly fighting to take every step. 1st night i got back to the hotel and crashed within a minute. The next day again i forced myself limping and all to try to give my family a vacation they deserved. Around 8 pm the second day my sister and me got into an agrument she accused me of "just pretending", "lying", and being a horrible mother for not sucking it up for my kids. She then threw in my face that i had went to visit my dad last weekend at the lake because i posted a picture of my daughter with him on a boat on my fb and that i went to a concert 4 hours away in april. What she didnt know was my husband drove while i slept (in the afternoon) we ate went and sat in our seats the entire concert (2hrs) and immediately after i went back to the room and went back to sleep and slept the entire way home the next day. The trip to visit my dad my husband again drove the 3 hrs away while i slept both ways, i also stayed inside the trailer while my kids and husband played in the water i went on the boat with my daughter for my dad to meet his friend whos boat broke down becuz he needed someone to drive his boat back to the dock who knew how to drive it (hes had the boat since i was 7.) I also took naps in the trailer between visiting.
    Ive never pretended to be completely incappable. I didnt complain about the pain or anything else during the vacation. But supposedly ut was all my fault that we couldnt plan a longer trip.
    I told my sister i was sick and that i had told them i had a lot of appointments in july and didnt have a choice in taking anymore time off work. And this is the conversation that started the arguement.
    I told her im not faking the pain i was in after all the walking, or being tired, that i fake being ok not the opposite. I told her i hadnt even complained the entire trip about anything. She said im not sick. I said screw this and asked for a key to the hotel. She was saying all of this in front of my kids. I walked away and called my husband just broken completely crying. Anytime i talk to my mom she changes the subject. My sister has never attempted to understand. While i was on the phone hiding in a corner at disneyland crying my sister came up and started yelling at me even more about how i was an ungrateful b****.
    Ive decided to cut them out of my life for the time being. I cant deal with the stress, and i dont feel as though i should try to continue to force closed minded people to accept and acknowledge that i dont have to look sick to be sick. They dont want to research anything or go to the doctor with me. Am i wrong in feeling like i should only have supportive people around me. Id rather be alone than have to convince someone im sick. Is that wrong?
    Emagama likes this.
  2. x_claire_x

    x_claire_x Moderator

    Of course it is not wrong to want to feel supported within your own family... I am saddened that they don't know who you are more...then they would at least attempt to understand a little at least !
    I have had to take a step back from one of my sister's as she still thinks I 'just have Raynauds' , not sure if she is being dense, disinterested or ignoring what she doesn't wish to know....but whatever it is, I have neither the time or the energy to keep feeling so disappointed and sad around her. It has definitely been better since I reserved my energies for those who show so much more care of me.
    Glad you have us around you, I can completely picture what you have been experiencing. Sounds as if your husband is being hugely supportive, thank goodness !

    Take care and use your energies on those who deserve it, and the rest in looking after you :0))
  3. jlb

    jlb Member

    My husband is amazingly supportive. He will admit he doesnt understand but he tries. He has went to appointments with me and says its different because he sees me everyday we work at the same place too so it helps i think in him seeing im not out running marathons and then coming home and saying i dont feel good.
  4. keebler

    keebler Moderator

    Hugs jib.:grouphug:

    I agree use your energy on the people that understand. Avoid that stressful time spending with your sister and mother.
    Your husband sounds very supportive. Even my husband doesn't understand it fully. That's why this board is so good to come to and let it all out. Everyone understands what we are saying and feeling.
    Take care,
    jlb likes this.
  5. jlb

    jlb Member

    Thank you!

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