College Love Blues | Lupus Forums at The Lupus Site
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College Love Blues

Discussion in 'Relationships & Lupus' started by gracie-may, Jan 23, 2018.

  1. gracie-may

    gracie-may New Member

    Hi, I'm seventeen and I've never been in a real relationship before. I'm going to college next year and I'm concerned about the Lupus + Guy debacle. I understand that it's important to offer full disclosure on the subject but I'm concerned about their response.
    Being sick, I can't do a lot of things that most people can. I have extreme sun sensitivity meaning I can't be in the sun for more than ten minutes maximum. I have a secondary condition that prohibits how active I can be / what I can do. Etc. I feel like guys will see this and just take off because it's so limiting.
    Do you mind sharing some of your experiences with partners? Like how to tell them or how to approach the subject? I can't imagine that most college guys would be interested in being in that kind of situation but I'm not really a casual kind of girl.
    OMG, PLEASE HELP! :oops::sick:
  2. debatat

    debatat Moderator

    Hi, I met my husband before lupus. However I would not tell anyone straight away I have lupus, friend or otherwise, I would only tell someone when they were obviously going to be important and can be discreet. If they needed to know. Not sure if that helps?
  3. x_claire_x

    x_claire_x Moderator

    Hiya.. I am the same as Deb, but I also know of many that have come on here because they want the best advice to help their girlfriend/boyfriend with their disease...and they want to understand it more fully without keep questioning their partner. Most of those have met somebody with Lupus...and the hardest thing is often the communication between the two of them......... I would take it one step at a time on a need to know basis... it could be an overwhelming immediate disclosure for both of you; wait until you feel comfortable with it, it is your private business. And try and relax about it !!!!:thumbsup:
  4. Gisele Zeitler

    Gisele Zeitler New Member

    Hi Gracie-May,

    I hope you've been in college for a while and have decided on ways to tell the most important people you've met, and also decided on who is worthy to receive the information.

    Hope you get an email about this post that will bring you back here -- and also, hope you haven't stayed away because you weren't happy with the responses. None of us are experts here, just people with lupus, or caring for someone with it, who are willing to share.

    I can't identify with your situation entirely because when i was in college i wasn't diagnosed yet. However, i did continue my studies post-grad, and did go after full-blown SLE. At one point i went into a flareup during very important testing and final projects time, and had to stop and take a leave of absence. They said in the office that they were happy to give someone with my grades a leave, because it showed them i would be back! Turned out not to be so. I wanted to go back for two years, but each time wasn't better yet! I finally decided i had only wanted that Masters for my ego, that I wasn't actually going to practice that profession, and that my ego wasn't worth all the money and time and stress that it would take to finish. Sometimes the disease just beats you down!

    As for telling a boyfriend about your illness -- has anything along that path happened yet? If you have experiences, both good and bad, they would be helpful to many other people who read these posts, I'm sure!

    My only comment is that i was diagnosed after my second marriage took place, and my husband loved me so much that for him it was something we had to face together! He never gave up on me, was supportive and helpful, and wasn't even repulsed by the great changes in my appearance! Was that because we had had enough time together to be deeply committed, to already have that bond? I can't say! On the one hand I'd like to advise, wait until you have that bond with someone! On the other, would that person say, 'why did you keep me in the dark about this important part of you?' Would they feel they had been lied to? Would it impair building a relationship on trust, if you begin by withholding? But then on the other, again, how many as-yet uncommitted boys/men would gleefully enter a relationship bound to be fraught with difficulties when love and commitment haven't entered the picture yet? It's a difficult question, one i don't feel qualified to answer. It might be a case by case decision!

    Hope you're doing well both physically and with all your other endeavors!

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