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Help a guy out

Discussion in 'Relationships & Lupus' started by Ron3503, Sep 25, 2014.

  1. Ron3503

    Ron3503 Junior Member

    Hi, my name is Ronnie. I am 22 years old, and I do not have lupus, but I am in love with my girlfriend who happens to have SLE. We have been dating for almost four years now, and I fell in love with her not even knowing she had lupus at the time, she says it is a mild case. I know she is on some meds for it but I'm honestly not sure what she is taking, I believe it is the basic meds, no ointment or anything like that. She has been very stressed with school and work, and I would like to help her lose some of that. She gets about 8-9 hours of sleep a day, and has started swimming to get some exercise in. Is there any advice for something to help with her stress? I wasn't sure if maybe a hot tea or some sort of drink or food. I give her a massage every day to help with the sore joints and she likes that. I would just like to surprise her with something to take the stress away. Also I would like any advice on bringing any intimacy back into our lives because even though we do not have sex(waiting for marriage), she has not wanted to make out or anything for about a month. Not really like her honestly. I plan on marrying her within a year, and I honestly love her. So I just want help so I can help her. I know I'll never understand what it feels like to have lupus, I just want to do the best u can for her, and understand the love of my life better. Thank you for your time, and your words.
    MrE likes this.
  2. x_claire_x

    x_claire_x Moderator

    Hi Ronnie... how lovely you seem.... Mild Lupus just means that she has not got any organ involvement ie kidney, heart etc.....and it sounds as if her Lupus if well controlled at the moment. Her sleep pattern is normal if not less than a lot of young people and she is exercising and looking after herself best she can.

    Have you had a chat with her about the intimacy issue? It is an important thing in a relationship and worth you having a chat with her.....sometimes it is the intimacy of talking that can create more physical intimacy....with understanding and love.
    There is no magic cure to Lupus so sadly no foodstuffs, apart from eating and drinking healthily, as we all should anyway, will make a difference.

    I am wondering if you have ever heard of the spoon theory... it is a good way to try and understand the energy probs of somebody with a chronic disease going on
    it also explains how it feels to have to plan to the tiniest detail of each day and where you are going to expend your energies.

    Of course you can't live inside her skin and totally understand but the fact you are trying so hard will mean so much.... glad you have found us...hope we can help support the pair of you.

    Welcome to site
  3. Ron3503

    Ron3503 Junior Member

    Thank you. I just read the spoon theory. That was very sad... We have tried talking about it, she just gets upset when I bring it up in conversation. But if its because she's out of spoons, I understand.... I suppose I should just be happy with every moment I get with her. Thank you...
  4. x_claire_x

    x_claire_x Moderator

    Hi Ronnie... there is no reason to be too sad..there are many worse things out there and I am incredibly busy in my life as are many others...most Lupus sufferers are out there living their lives and only come on here for advice when hitting a tough patch or on first diagnosis or indeed if there are more complex problems. I have just taken up horseriding again at the great age of 50 and having had Lupus for six years...feel better than I have for take heart. Life expectancy is near normal for a Lupus person as long as it is well managed and indeed last year I lost a friend who was 'healthy' from there are no guarantees in this life ....enjoy your relationship and just take it as it comes......and pop in here whenever you like...Claire
  5. dmarie

    dmarie Registered

    Hi Ronnie- The fact that she works and goes to school is amazing and super stressful. She is only 22 and she is realizing that she cannot keep up with her peers. If you really want to help her, just be there. Eat popcorn and watch movies. Do anything you can to allow her extra rest time. Make sure she keeps her doctor appointments and takes her meds faithfully.
    Good luck.

  6. MrE

    MrE New Member

    You’re a good boyfriend. One thing I wish my wife would do more is rub my fingers. My hands and feet ache 24-7. Get her a spa treatment. Foot massage.

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