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How can I be a more supportive boyfriend?

Discussion in 'Relationships & Lupus' started by PD35, May 8, 2017.

  1. PD35

    PD35 New Member

    Hello,
    I'm new to the forms here, because I was looking for adive and have been trying everywhere I can to get information. My girlfriend and I are in college as nursing students, she has a padsion for ER, and I have one for ICU. We started dating in Noverber of last year, and those first months were great because I could confidently say that i had found someone whom I could love, and who would love me in refurn. She was diagnosed with Lupus back when she was 17 or 18. Before then she lived a very active lifestyle, so the fatigue really affected her both physically and mentally. She had it under control last year, but in January, that all changed. We don't know what set it off, but she became more and more fatigued. She would seem to run out of spoons before she ever got out of her first class, and it was pure willpower that kept her moving. I have tried to envourage her to rest, and tried to be spontaneous when I can and not be to much of a planner (which is really hard for me, but I'm getting better) due to how she has been feeling. One thing that I try to do for both of us is go over to her dorm and say goodnight to her and have prayer (we are Christians) with her before she goes to bed. I try and keep that interaction, even if it's the only time we see each other outside class. Recently, she suggested limiting that(me coming over for goodnight) down to once or twice a week because of how fatigued she is right before she goes to bed. My struggle is that she will still be with all her friends when I go to say goodnight to her, and I know she won't actually go to sleep or rest for a while afterwards. I feel like I've given alot, and I know she struggles, and I'm trying to work with her, but it feels like, sometimes, I get put on the backburner at times. I want her to have friends and to have fun, but I also need my girlfriend.

    I guess I'm asking, how can I be the best I can for this woman? Is there any tips people can give me for what works in your relationship that brings you closer together with your girlfriend or spouse?

    I know this was long, I apologize.
     
  2. debatat

    debatat Moderator

    Sometimes the only thing you can do is sit back and let her set the pace, which can be difficult. When lupus patients feel fatigued it can be overwhelming and plans often get broken, and last minute changes have to be made. Being flexible is a good quality.

    Maybe you could talk to your girl friend and tell her how you feel. Remember that you both need time to spend with each other and friends.
     
  3. LLLin

    LLLin New Member

    I suppose one of the things that you could do is always remember that she may not be able to be out for too long or continue an activity for a long period without rest. When you plan for outings always keep that in mind. If she is someone who is very active, do always check with her if she needs to rest. My boyfriend will sometimes stop me from wall climbing too many routes when he know the routes I have done are relatively hard.

    Depending on whether she has photosensitivity, you may not want to arrange for activities which requires her to be under the hot sun for long hours.

    With you showing her that you care, she would be more open to inform you if she do not feel like doing certain things.
     

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