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When do you drop the 'illness' bomb?

Discussion in 'Relationships & Lupus' started by RebeccaLee, Aug 25, 2016.

  1. RebeccaLee

    RebeccaLee New Member

    Hey guys,

    So I'm new to the whole being diagnosed thing and I am struggling in terms of my health (I can't remember the last time I felt OK). But despite that I am a very sociable outgoing young girl who is still wanting to go out and meet guys (and possibly even go on dates).

    My issue is that I tend not to drink (due to medication and the feeling I'm left with days after asif I've repeatedly been beaten up), I can't do a lot of high impact sports things that used to be fun to do, I'm on quite a strict diet due to my weight gain with the pred etc etc.

    At what point of getting to know somebody do you tell them about your illness? Do I leave it and tell them later down the line feeling like I've fooled them into a person that doesn't exist? Do I drop it ASAP and put it out there? Like how do you bring up the fact you have this illness that is and will affect you for the rest of your life? How could I ever expect any sane individual to CHOSE to live with this when they don't have too...

    Any advise would be great as this seems to be the thing I'm struggling with the most - the social side of being a 19 year old girl whoWAS very outgoing, confident and up for a laugh.
    MrE likes this.
  2. lazylegs

    lazylegs Moderator

    Hello and welcome Rebecca,

    Someone you are just dating casually doesn't need to know unless it comes up. Once you begin to date someone steadily I think it would be wise to broach the subject. Yes it may scare some guys away but then they weren't meant for you anyway. There are guys out there willing to love you Lupus and all.

    Take care,
    Em19 and William Lewis Martin like this.
  3. cfgv5

    cfgv5 New Member

    Hi Rebecca & lazylegs

    I was diagnosed about 3 years ago & just started dating again. I am having the same concerns! I saw you posted this in August & was wondering if you have any new insight?

    Lazylegs - how is the best way to approach it? have mild lupus and ITP. Fatigue has the biggest effect on my daily life. Other than that, I am fortunate to live a relatively normal life. Do I bring it up casually when I'm taking my meds in front of him sometime or do I actually sit down and have a conversation about it?
  4. lazylegs

    lazylegs Moderator

    Knowing me I would stress about sitting down and having a conversation. I would rather work it into a conversation. It would be very easy to mention it when asked how you are. Instead of saying okay or fine it is easy to say Lupus is causing some issues. The first mention of Lupus may not trigger a conversation. It may take a few times before they ask questions. Keep your explanation simple at first. You can always explain more in depth as the relationship progresses.

    Take care,
  5. MrE

    MrE New Member

    Fortunately I don't have to go through with this. You'll scare some guys off. You won't scare off the right guy.
    I'd say tell him after 5 dates.

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