[purplesnowflake]

Hi. Unsure where to put this but I need some advice from any parents.
My daughter, who is 8, is unhappy at school. She does n't want to go.I have been to school this morning to try and find out what the underlying cause could be. She is naturally quiet and tends to keep things to herself. We can't seem to put a finger on it but I was wondering about whether having a wobbly mum is affecting her and is the cause.
I am undiagnosed but am having more wobbly days and days where I can't do stuff I used to do. This weekend my legs could nt get down to the beach with her and her dad to search for fossils. I use a stick when I have to walk distances now, including walking her to the bus stop etc. There are days when I need help putting socks on and walking dogs etc. There have been a couple of times when she has come home and I'm in hospital because of stuff. Maybe because I'm having more bad days she worries about this.
She never mentions me feeling lousy and just seems to accept this is how I am.
If this is affecting her how do I deal with it to help her?
Thank you

 

[kiaratrak]

Hi

I have experience from the other side. Having been brought up from the age of 4ish onwards with a disabled mother who did seem to get progressively worse.

I can honestly say that i came to know no different as so just accepted it all as normal. Im sure your child will be the same - as long as they have a loving mummy or daddy thats all that matters to children.

There were a few occasions when some kids used to say things to me at school - most were kind things - it was often a topic of conversation. But sometimes kids can be cruel or ask too many questions leaving you feeling a bit overwhelmed. And of course other kids will be naturally curious....

I hope you manage to get to the bottom of it - give lots of cuddles and reassurance, talk to the school and eventually it will either sort itself out or the truth will out as they say.

In any case kids are quite resistant and do tend to bounce through emotional things and you are probably more worried than they are!

I hope you get to the bottom of it, as a parent myself now, i can appreciate this must be very difficult for you.... Lots and Lots of Love

Kiara

 

[purplesnowflake]

Thank you for your message. It helped.
I also spoke to her on the way home from school and she reckons my wobbliness is just me and she's lived with it for 8 years and can live with it for millions of trillions of years. ( Not sure I can though). She seems to see it as normal so I guess it's not this that's bothering her.
As you say she'll bounce back and it is most probably me worring more than she is.

Thanks again.

 

[LolaLola]

Dear Purple Snowflake, My children are older now, but they were never embarrassed by me. They did have some bad times when I suddenly vanished into hospital in a hurry. That can be difficult.
My Children were not very happy at School. For my Daughter when she was 8, she developed a total hatred of the school Dining Room, she could not even eat sandwiches in there. It really made her feel ill, so we had to meet her each lunchtime so she could eat in the car and go for a quick stretch. It sounds little to us but was a big problem to her.
x Lola

 

[Lis]

Hi Purple snowflake
Hope by now you've sorted out your daughter's reasons for not wanting to go to school. As both parent and teacher I know that there are lots of reasons why children suddenly become unhappy and it definitely needs talking about. It is just as likely to be something at school and nothing at all to do with your illness. It's amazing the little changes at school or things that happen during the day which can affect children and even the teachers miss it. It's probably worth another chat with her teacher and find out what they've been doing at school recently which may have upset her.

Hope she's o.k by now - at this age they do tend to bounce back pretty quickly.

Lis

 

[Katharine]

Hi there,

I can't help much here. My kids seem to think me being however I am is just normal. Of course they might be helped by their step mother telling them that there's nothing wrong with me and that lupus is NOT a serious disease! (I missed the episode where she qualified as a doc.... anyway).

When I was eight I also suddenly developed a severe hatred of school. I remember the severe hatred. I remember crying at the gates and really not wanting to go but I honestly haven't a clue why. I can't remember the 'reason' if there was one.

I have had a bit of trouble with my kids recently (they hate their step mother) and it took quite a while to get my eldest to talk about it frankly (without making up stories) and the youngest to come out of his shell and not change subject every time I tried talking about it. They seem to have come through it and can now laugh at her. They have also become very close as brothers and protect each other in a way they would never have done before.

I think the only thing at the end of the day is lots of love and patience and getting them to talk about it rather than keep it inside. It often takes a while but I'm sure you'll get there. Sometimes kids have trouble expressing 'why' if it is a blatantly asked question and it takes time to get to those questions in the right way. Other kids (this was like my eldest son) will say yes to a 'suggestion' of why because he thinks that what you want to hear - very dangerous that.

that was an awful ramble but hopefully you'll get what I mean
Katharine

 

[purplesnowflake]

Hi. Thanks for replies . She seems happier at school this week so hopefully whatever it was has sorted itself out. We'll see...
Her teacher was very defensive when I went in and said there were no problems and she was "attention seeking"by saying she was unhappy. It was an odd meeting and left feeling like I have n't got a clue what is going on but as long as my daughter is happier I guess that's all that matters.

Thanks again.

 

[onetay]

I would say since she is 8 it is more that she don't understand what is going on. I would try to put it as easy terms as possible and just talk with her. I don't think it is your walking with help, it is more like she don't understand. You could ask if it is something to do with you, but if you do and she opens up don't shut down. Something is bothering her, it could be as simple as other kids scaring her about what is going on with you. If that is the case than the best thing is to keep her as informed as possible at a level she can understand. I am afraid to say but my policy is honesty at all costs, unfortunely, and with children I find it to be very important so other children don't have a chance to get them all upset. Well i hope you the best of luck and remember it is only advice not the answer we offer you.
tammy

 

[greenhaggis]

Purplesnowflake,

My thoughts are with you over the problem with your daughter!

From past experience of problems with a son at primary school and no luck with Teacher I would suggest that you go direct to the Head Teacher to voice your concerns, especially if your daughter is still showing signs of stress. Not to stir things up for the Teacher but to help your daughter. Sometimes Teachers do not have the time to get involved, but the Head Teacher will HAVE too address the issue.

The first couple of weeks back at school can effect them for a number of reasons!

Just remember that your childs feelings are more important than the Teachers (not saying most Teachers are not great by the way) and closure to problems small or large need to happen.

Does the school not have a dedicated person that deals with insecurities of children and those on the other side of the spectrum behavoural problems?


I do hope things stay settled!

Lesley

 

[Jmaca]

Hi, I am a teacher and I also run parenting courses. Girls around the ages of 7-9 often have social ups and downs with each other around 8. I taught a Montessori classroom of kids that age for 9 years (mixed age class of 7,8, and 9 year olds). I learned that this is a VERY intense age for friendships between girls, and that many girls go through some anxious times about it. It's pretty normal, and they nearly always work it all out as the year goes by and they mature a bit more. But its peak year is definitely 8!

 

[nicky00]

The only good thing I can think of is to try and make sure she understands that its ok to tell you how she is really feeling and not what she thinks you want to hear.

So if she has concerns or fears that are hard for her to express ( and they do come up : things you never noticed) Then she will feel a sense of relief in being able to be open and share that with you.

 

[purplesnowflake]

Hi. Just to give you and update. I had parent's evening last night and her form teacher seems to think there was a clash between my daughter and another teacher. Luckily she is not in his class anymore. My daughter is definately happier with this new teacher. A new boy has also joined the school and they have become 'best' friends. He seems to have helped too.
Thank you again for all replies.
Hope you all ok.

 

[kcmmem]

my mom

Hi. My mother never had an autoimmune disorder, but she did have some physical handicapps. It bothered me some when i was a kid because she could not play with me or get down on the floor with me. The older I got though, she was there for me in all of the other ways and looking back, she was always there even if she couldn't do all of the things that I wanted her to. I know now that she did her best and seeing that she was present in my life, I appreciate all of the things that she DID do with and for me. It will all be alright. Sometimes we come to understand more the older we get. She will always know that you were there and that is what counts.

 

[AmyMTx]

i went through this with my daughters after i had my lupus crisis..they are generally quiet and they were always worried about me maybe it would help if she could see the school counselor..or just try to sit her down and talk to her about her feelings..you would be surprised that she would open up