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My lupus really kicked of about six months after my second child was born, the time when they were small was incredibly hard. (They are now 15 and 12)

The guilt is a really difficult thing I think, partly we are predisposed to feel guilt where our kids are concerned even without an illness that can complete knock us for six.

I wasn't diagnosed for several years, I think the most usefull advise that I could have been given if I had been when the kids were really little would have been to be nicer to myself, and less demanding on me, oh and that kids really are quite resiliant.

If you have friends/family let them help out with the kids and any other stuff, (housework, shopping), cooking) If you haven't maybe look at organisations or support groups that you could tap into.

It's really ok to cut corners to make life easier, especially with housework and stuff, I know that with littles stuff to do is just neverending, but some stuff can be sidelined, I guess I mean prioritise and don't be hard on yourself for not getting everything done.

Take oppourtunities to get some rest, a good video that you can curl up with the kids, or I remember finding giving them jigsaws or puzzles to do on the floor while I laid on the sofa, providing I was giving them some feedback by way of chatting they would be occupied for a little while and I got a bit of rest.

In my experience life did get easier as they got a bit older, in many ways, certainly less exhausting although you get a new set of challenges! Definately easier when they were both at school!

You have to take care of you in order to take care of them, and if things are really difficult for you then please ask for help. How well is your lupus controlled, I hope that you have a good team of docs behind you,

Best wishes for bright days ahead. xxx
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