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The vortex of insanity!
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I can't find it on youtube, it's called "Don't do it" by Little Charlie and the Nightcats, lyrics crack me up:

Well I was under the weather and I wasn't getting better
So I went to get a physical check
And when I went to the doc, it was a heck of a shock
He said "boy you are a miserable wreck"
He said "your liver's all swollen and your stomach's got a hole in it
From drinking too much for too long
And there's a good indication of some bad circulation
'Cause your blood pressure's almost gone!
And you got no reflexes in your solerplexis
When I tap you on the top of your knee."
He said, "your pulse ain't steady
And your lungs gettin' ready
To collapse every time that you breathe
And at the rate you're goin' all the tests are showin that
Boy, you'll never live to get old
But I came up with a plan to make you healthy again
And son, you better do what you're told"

And then he told me
"If you dig it, don't do it
And if you like it better leave it alone
And if it's too much fun, that oughta cue you son
You've prob'ly done somethin' thats wrong
And I'm surprised at you and all the things you do, boy
'Cause that ain't what your body is for"
And if you think it's bad so far wait till after this guitar
'Cause the doctor said a whole lot more!
[Guitar solo]

He told me "Cut out your booze and quit them drugs you been usin'
And don't be smokin no cigarettes
And you know lovin' a stranger, nowadays boy, man
It's just like playin' russian roulette.
And get that grease out your diet, better boil it don't fry it
And don't you eat no more barbeque.
I wouldn't tell you no lie, take this rule and apply
Now, son, listen to what you better do."

That's when he told me
"If you dig it, don't do it
And if you like it, better leave it alone
And if it's too much fun, that oughta cue you son
That you've prob'ly done somethin' thats wrong.
And if it's too good to ya, well don't let it fool ya
You're playin' in the danger zone"
And I kept waitin' and waitin' for the man to finish
But the sucker just went on and onnnn

And then he told me "Cut out all sweets and don't be crampin' your feet
In them pointy toed Italian shoes"
And he said, "Boy, lookie here, you gonna damage your ears
Playin' that loud rockin rhythm and blues
And if a rabbit don't eat it, buddy, you don't need it
That's the rule on your new menu
You better get you a pen, I ain't gonna say it again,
'Cause there's a whole lot more that you need to do!
You need to lose some weight, you need to stand up straight,
Boy, your posture is a terrible disgrace
You need to suck in your gut, you need to tuck in your butt,
You need to clear them zits up off of your face."

And then he told me
"If you dig it, don't do it
And if you like it, better leave it alone
And if it's too much fun, that oughta cue you, son
You prolly done somethin that's wrong
And if it's too good to ya don't let it fool ya
You're playin in the danger zone"
And I kept waitin and waitin for the man to finish
But the sucker just went onnnn and onnnn and onnnn and onnn
 

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Brilliant applesauce!
 

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Excellent, good laugh that :hehe:
 
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