[hayleymiles]

Hi
I'm Hayley, I'm 26 and I have a 7 month old baby. I have epilepsy, have tested positive for antiphospholipid antibodies a few times and SLE. My maternoty leave is up in a month or so and I'm really not sure about going back to work. My husband really doesn't want me to but I feel so bad about not contributing when he already has to do so much for me when I'm having my bad days.
Pros: worked really hard to get diploma just before leaving, would like to have my own money, NEED more money, would get me out of the house.
Cons: work is 15 miles away and can't drive due to epilepsy, for 3 days work would only earn what husband does in a day, stressful job working at solicitors, nursery costs £40 a day, would obviously miss baby like crazy.
Can anyone offer any advice? Also not sure on benefits etc that I may be entitled to?
Thank you!!

 

[onetay]

Hayley,
Here are some things to look at also. How would you get to work everyday? Is your sitter coming to you or do have to drop off the baby? You have to take away your travel costs and the time that it would take you to take your child to the sitter if it is a drop off center. All of this will wear on your body and time that would be spent on you, your husband, and of course the baby. If you have bad days now what happens when you add the extra stuff into this mix?

You can just as easily find something closer and for a few hours a day. If you have a neighbor maybe you can do babysitting exchanges. You watch their child for a few hours a day and they do the same for you. This way there is no money out of either of you pockets.

I know I did not help any just added more unanswered question to the stack you have. I just think that you should have all the factors in the picture, it does not help to see only half of it when thinking of a big change like this.

 

[Lily]

Hi Hayley and :welcome: sorry for what brings you here though.

The question of returning to work is a hard one and only you know how you might cope with it and how your health is at the moment. It's true that with the extra stress and added running around that it may affect you adversely.

I am just wondering what medications if any you are on? Lots of people do work and it's for that reason that this site is not really indicative of the 'normal' situation with Lupus. The ones who are out working are on a good med regime, their disease under excellent control and are busy with their lives. They don't have the time or inclination to visit really.

If everything that can be done is being done med wise with you then you will have to weigh the work situation up very carefully. If there is room for improvement treatment wise then you may well be able to feel a lot better than you currently are and work would not be quite so much the obstacle it seems now.

Some things to ponder, we will try and help you as far as some knowledge and making sure you have optimal medical care if we can

love
Lily

 

[Joandublin]

Hi Hayley

I take it from your reference to '£40' that you live in the UK? You asked if anyone knew what benefits you might be entitled to.

Here is a site which may help you to find out if you are entitled to any benefits should you decide not go to back to work

http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/MoneyTaxAndBenefits/BenefitsTaxCreditsAndOtherSupport/index.htm

There is also a separate Forum here on the message boards called UK Disability Benefits and you might like to look through some of the posts there for advice or information.

Best of luck with your decision! Its a hard one to make.

Take care
Joan:rose:

 

[hayleymiles]

Thank You

Thank you so much everyone for your replies, they're all very helpful and made me think of things I hadn't thought of already! I've also just found out that an offer my mum made on a house quite far away from me has been accepted so that's another consideration....
I'm currently taking clopidigrel, hydroxychloroquine, statins, co-codamol and lamotrigine. They did give me a short course of steriods just after I had the baby as my joints were so bad but haven't been on them since.
I just fell asleep and my daughter fell off the sofa where she was next to me. I feel absolutely terrible and cried for at least half an hour. At first I thought that just proves I'm not cut out to be looking after her and should let someone else take care of her, then I thought maybe it just shows how tired I am already without adding work to the equation.
Sorry again for such a long post :blush:

 

[Lily]

((((Hayley))))) don't be too hard on yourself. Us Mums are good at that you know, but none of us are perfect :hug:

How much Hydroxychloroquine do you take daily? Have you been on it long?

Sorry for the questions, it just helps us to help you.

love
Lily

 

[keebler]

Hi Hayley,

First of all welcome to the lupus site.

Second here are some gentle hugs for you.:hug::hug:

You have a lot of things to consider about if you go to work or not. I have always been a stay at home mom. For my husband and 3 kids it was the best decision we made.

Taking care of a 7 month old baby is a lot of work. Although it one of the best jobs ever you will have.

Love & hugs,
Lyn

 

[hayleymiles]

Thanks

I'm taking 200mg of Plaquenil twice a day. I've been on it since last November, started taking it once a day then upped it to two once I'd stopped the steriods. xx

 

[Maia]

I went back to work after having my baby (and I was feeling good still at that point). Then I started really suffering and kept on working despite being very ill. In retrospect, I wish I had not gone back to work as I think the stress and all the viral and bacterial germs dear daughter brought home from daycare contributed to my downward spiral. We were both sick with something new nearly every month and sometimes more often than that!

I'll never know what the "right" decision was, you just make the decision that's best for you at the time and then adjust as necessary.

I've exchanged "horrible mom stories" with many other mothers, and every mother you'll meet who is honest will have numerous stories of children falling and/or injuring themselves that they feel they should have prevented. It certainly doesn't mean you aren't qualified... everyone has been there lupus or not!

 

[Lily]

Hi Hayley,

You might still have a bit more benefit from the Plaquenil as the months go by. It is a slow acting drug and some of us found we had to be on it for a up to 9 months at 400mg before we saw the full benefit of it. I hope that is the case for you and things improve a bit more :hug:

love
Lily

 

[hayleymiles]

Thanks again everybody. I have an appointment at St Thomas' (my lupus clinic in London) tomorrow. It's actually the pregnancy clinic rather than the normal one but I'm hoping the doctor won't mind listening to all my recent goings on - feel like I'm going downhill a bit......
Take care everyone

 

[lazylegs]

Good luck with your appointment tomorrow Hayley.

Take care,
Lazylegs