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florie
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Hi all,
I am being blamed for hospice coming in for my mom. First by my mom,she said i called them. Then by my brother who says I thought you were waiting for me to come (thursday) for the decision. He also stated i wanted this for me to help me out.

I am so stressed from all this balony.I told my brother that i can't wait till he comes so we can cry on each other's shoulders. He seemed cold about that, does not show any care or concern for me. No compassion.

I told him that hospice can be voided at any time.
He also said that with my bi polar and stuff i am in other words not handling things .
I miss our other nurse and was comfortable with her. We grew a family friendship. In fact she is coming to visit us tomorrow.

I am at my wits end. I need to see my therapist more frequently and will call her on monday.

I feel so degrated by my family who is all in denial about my mother.And hasn't shown any concern for me. My mom is just so unhappy and unappreaciated of the things i do. Before i went to take a nap today,after cleaning house,washing floors,doing laundry and food shopping, I said to her mom i am going to lie down do you need anything? She said no. But after dinner tonight she said I haven't had a klonipin all day cause you werent around. oooooooooooooooh!!

I am so unhappy. this is tougher than taking care of my kids(4). At least they made me laugh and appreciated me till this day. I have no life for 6yrs or so. I wish that this will all go away because i just can't deal with all the disappointments and frustration. I do hope hospice works out well. The only thing they said is i can't call 911 for emergency,i have to call them. I asked them how long before someone will get here. They said about an hour. I said what if she is turning blue like last time,they said they will guide me till they get here. so i asked our old nurse and she said that i can call 911 if they take to long and tell them i am voiding them. Then later call them back in. Has anyone ever heard of this?

Thanks for listening. Luv, florie
 

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The Other Illinois Tammy
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1,193 Posts
florie,
I am so sorry that things seem to be getting worse. Ok, here is some advise take it for what it is worth. Tell everyone yes it is your fault that you have some help and as for your brother tell him if he really cared any at all he would be helping with your mother. As for the if there is a nurse coming or not they will keep coming because you need the help. If he don't like it then he can become the nurse and you will let the other nurses go. You have to what is best for everyone in your house and since he does not live there he can come visit and spend time with your mom but that unless he is going to do something that helps he can shut up. I am sorry to be short but there just is not time to be polite. The nurse can also keep a better eye on her for things that might be happening that might otherwise be missed thanks to all the stress and fighting going on. I would say maybe you should plan to take a nap when the nurse is there so there is someone to get whatever she needs. You will get some real rest and not have to worry as she has someone to care for here if you do fall asleep. florie, I feel so much for you it is a very hard time right now and like you said before you will know you all you could for her.
 

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Dearest Florie,

I am so sorry, that your family is less than supportive of you.

I feel very very bad for you, friend.

Why isn't the hospice nurse there all the time? I used to do hospice care, and stayed with the patient until family came home from work.

Hon, I don't know how you kept your cool with your brother. You must be a saint. Can your boyfriend, give your brother a good talking to?

You must have some help..The dam is going to break. You should not feel guilty about saving your own health, Florie.

I have found that sometimes..nice..doesn't work. Bi-polar is an illness in and off itself. You need mental and physical rest..period.

Gean mean..save yourself from ending up in the hospital yourself..hon.

I understand..I made my daughter angry today. I wanted her daughter to stay with me overnight, but have had a terrible week. My granddaugher had the stomach flu two days ago..and I was afraid, she is still contagious. I just couldn't chance it..

My daughter didn't say anything to me, but was abrupt with me. I told her I loved her and shrug my shoulders..when I hung up. We simply cannot please everyone..in our lives..Florie.

I pray you get some needed respite soon..friend.

Love,
Sandy
 

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Florie,
Please don't feel bad about hospice. They were there for my dad (lung cancer) and for my aunt (kidney failure) and my grandma (congestive heart failure). In each case, they provided good, compassionate care, which enabled my loved ones to pass at home where they felt most comfortable. I agree with the above post, unless your brother is going to participate and provide care for your mother, it is your house, your rules. This is a very rough thing you are going through, and you are doing right in trying to look after yourself, you are doing your best and that is plenty good enough. (((((((((hugs))))))))))
 

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Hi there florie and I am so sorry your dealing with this. I assume that your mom has cancer and that is why hospice has been called in??? Up here hospice is called in when the person is terminal, not always with cancer but usually.

As for your brother well you and I have talked enough and compared stories and I think you need to put him in his place. How dare he talk down to you when he is not there and has not been. He sure took his good ol' time getting around to coming down didn't he? He really needs to back off!!!

When a parent gets sick the ugly can come out of the children involved. Just like the advice you have given me....you must take time for you too. If you need to chat with your counselor then by all means do that. Anything that helps you and gets you away from the situation for a break can only be good.

I have NEVER heard of not being allowed to call 911 if your family member is on hospice. I would call 911, drop the service and reinstate if need be. I would be curious to know if this is in fact accurate information that you were given??? It just seems so strange to me.

Keep your chin up kiddo and if you need me just reach out...........I will be there for you anytime. Still praying for you and Louise and I hope you can find some quiet time for you.

Hugs and Love being sent to you my friend.:wink2::wink2::wink2:
 

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Florie, I am so sorry you're having to deal with such stupidity. It is so easy for those on the outside to criticise :( Sounds like your brother needs a good 6 month dose of looking after your Mum :mad:

It's not easy having to put your foot down but, at the end of the day, you have to think about your life and your family and making this situation liveable for everyone. If you constantly put others first you'll find your life has passed you by.

It's such a pity that so often siblings seem to find nothing better to do than argue with each other at such times. I'm very lucky with my brother in that we agree easily on everything. We have always been very close.

Of course, I worry about Mum later as I live 1000km away and my brother will soon be moving to Germany leaving Mum alone in Ireland. We have told her she's 100% welcome over here but, in reality, what lady of over 71 is going to look forward to having to learn a new language?

Life is complicated indeed.
hugs :grouphug2:

Katharine
 

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((((( Florie )))))

The others have given you great advice. You have nothing to reproach yourself for, but you do need to take some time for yourself. I hope things improve for you soon.

Take care

Deb
 

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florie
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Discussion Starter #8
Thank you all for the caring support,

I can't wait until my brother gets heres so he can finally come to reality.
I am not as close to him like i was my deceased brother. But i go visit the cemetary and talk to him and dad. I wish they were still here, but now only in memory.
I am so frustrated today with being in this situation. I went shopping for myself since i haven't been updated on new tops and shorts and pants. But i had to leave Chip home for my mother.

cooking((((((((((urg))))))))))))) I am starting to hate it. That is all she worries about. I am making steak on the barbeque. she said she can't chew it , so i will put it in the chopper. Everything is annoying to me.
As far as my nap goes, no one is gonna tell me not to. I am a 52yr old women and should be making my own decisions for myself.
I do hope i don't argue with my brother,but i am not going to tolerate his comments.

Maybe things will look up for me when he comes. Then me and chip can go out somewhere or everywhere.

I feel my naps are my escape from sitting with my mother watching boring T.V. and avoiding her stories of the past and negetive things.

I am so sick of it all. I am sure once hospice starts their routine it will have a better outlook for me. And yes to 911, if hospice takes to long for an emergency i will void them and then reinstate with them again. A nurse will be coming tomorrow.
Can it be possible that the nodule on her lung is cancer? They keep taking ex-rays of it to compare. Oh, i just wish my mom would stop suffering and jesus will bring her to peace. Then i can live in peace. That may sound harsh but she has no quality of life,no happiness,and fears everything..
I cannot go on this way. My stomac hurts from it all, and my brain won't stop working.
I love you all, thankyou for being supportive of me.
many hugs, florie
 

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Florie,

Things seem to be getting more and more similar in our situations. A couple questions...

Is Chip your brother? My brothers name is Chip.

Maybe I missed something along the way, possible since life is spinning out of control on my end too but your mom has a nodule on her lung? If so then your mom and my mom have walked the same path at the same time.

I will post in the morning about my mom and you can read. If I were you the tests my mom is getting ready to have done you should insist on for your mom.

And if your Chip and my Chip are anything alike............GOD HELP BOTH OF US!!!

Hold your head up high and take that nap whenever you need to.:wink2:
 

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Florie, my most sincere sympathy at having to deal with all on your plate right now.
I am lucky as my brother opted out of family contact years ago so all will be in my corner to handle as best as can be done.

Here, NO hospice would require that they get the first call over 911. In fact, on all messages for medical offices say to call 911 if it is an emergency. I've never heard of that from any hospice. Not saying you are wrong, rather THEY are wrong.

Good luck with the visit tomorrow. I hope all goes well for you.
Sally
 

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Hi Florie,

Checking in for a update on your mom and to see how the appointment goes.

Let us know what is happening.

I hope your well my friend.;)
 

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hi florie

i'm sorry for not posting earlier, i've had internet issuess and just now got back on.
like the others have said, you need to take of YOU before you can take of others.
as for your family...use my motto
lead, follow or just get out of the way

hugs and kisses and prayers too.
 
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