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· Registered
85 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
The title is a little off. Me and my husband had been dating for a year when my kidneys started acting up and i started to get sick. I have this feeling that it's easier for him (or anyone) not to be close to me when i get sick because according to my doctors i should have died about three times now. They're very optomistic hah! So i ended up breaking up with him. A few weeks later i went into the hospital w/complete kidney failure. I had found out after that my mother called him to let him know i was in the hospital and it was pretty bad and he should probably come. I didn tknow that he had been by my bedside the entire time. Well anyway, the other night we were talking because he is in denile and thinks nothing bad is ever going to happen to me and i'm not going to be sick anymore. I want him to be prepared if anything happens. He still had bad feelings about the breakup and didnt understand why i did it. I tried explaining it but he still didnt understand. Then somehow we got to the point when he said that he couldnt stand seeing my that way and not being able to do anything to help. That is when he understood why i had broken it off. I didnt want him to go through that pain. I dont like people seeing me like that. I always pull through, but at the time it seems like the end.

· Administrator
9,127 Posts
Hi Alisia,

Relationships can be difficult when you have a serious chronic disease. On one hand you really want your significant other's love and support, but you also don't want to be a burden and take away their life's dreams. The on the other hand not all people can handle or want to deal with an illness, whereas others want nothing other than to be with you no matter what. My first rheumy actually took one appointment to explain about the strain on relationships and breakups.

Initially my husband was in denial as a defense mechanism. It took many conversations the best one from my present rheumy to open his eyes. Now he is just frustrated that he can't be my knight in shining armor and wipe the disease away.

Each couple has to work out what is best for them.

Take care,
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