Ok Everybody........
I apologise in advance for a long and rambling post but I know I can count on you for an honest and impartial opinion.
Just to recap
My lupus took a downturn following a period of real stress both at home and at work plus completing a degree. I needed five months off work and got quite depressed thinking that my life as I knew it was over.
I am a NICU nurse and usually take charge of the unit when I'm there.
Recently i've not been too bad except the perpetual headche that I'm always banging on about and the fatigue that we all live with. I'm fifty by the way.
Now here's the thing
Ive been back at work for seven moths now and coping fairly well. My shifts are limitted to three a week currently on advice by rhuemy and occy health doc.
Now I'm thinking that perhaps I should make this a permenant position.
I've had shifts sometimes where I can just about walk home, I've come home and just had to crash on the sofa and stare into space for a bit til I get a bit of a second wind. Sometimes my head just spins with so much to cope with after a busy shift, and I can barely think straight.
I do love the job but the difficulties of working for the underfunded understaffed NHS are legendary. On top of this the demands of family continue. Mum had a couple of strokes just before this last big flare and I'm the one who gets the phone calls when Dad is worried and needs help at all hours. There are also similar demands within my hubbies family.
So.....................do I bite the bullit and say I cant increase my hours back to normal and stay where I am as a part-timer? Or do I try to get up to full time.
Hubby took one look at me today after a shift from **** and said that I really didn't look like i was managing that well. (Was two hours late off after being tied up in a child protection meeting.:worried
He's such a darling I feel bad about putting more financial pressure on him and we're financing a son at Uni although we have managed OK for the last months on reduced wages.
Also I feel it's a bit like admitting to myself that my high flying nursing career is over.........not that I wanted to go any further up the ladder really.
I know this is a waffley jumble but I'm really not sure.
Part of me thinks I'm giving in to the disease part of me thinks it's sensible to stay within my capabilities and not push it. I never again want to feel how i did last summer.
Please advise me all you experienced lupies................even if its just a sympatetic hug or a swift kick up the pants for being so indecisive ...........sorry brain turning to mush now so I'd better stop.
I apologise in advance for a long and rambling post but I know I can count on you for an honest and impartial opinion.
Just to recap
My lupus took a downturn following a period of real stress both at home and at work plus completing a degree. I needed five months off work and got quite depressed thinking that my life as I knew it was over.
I am a NICU nurse and usually take charge of the unit when I'm there.
Recently i've not been too bad except the perpetual headche that I'm always banging on about and the fatigue that we all live with. I'm fifty by the way.
Now here's the thing
Ive been back at work for seven moths now and coping fairly well. My shifts are limitted to three a week currently on advice by rhuemy and occy health doc.
Now I'm thinking that perhaps I should make this a permenant position.
I've had shifts sometimes where I can just about walk home, I've come home and just had to crash on the sofa and stare into space for a bit til I get a bit of a second wind. Sometimes my head just spins with so much to cope with after a busy shift, and I can barely think straight.
I do love the job but the difficulties of working for the underfunded understaffed NHS are legendary. On top of this the demands of family continue. Mum had a couple of strokes just before this last big flare and I'm the one who gets the phone calls when Dad is worried and needs help at all hours. There are also similar demands within my hubbies family.
So.....................do I bite the bullit and say I cant increase my hours back to normal and stay where I am as a part-timer? Or do I try to get up to full time.
Hubby took one look at me today after a shift from **** and said that I really didn't look like i was managing that well. (Was two hours late off after being tied up in a child protection meeting.:worried
He's such a darling I feel bad about putting more financial pressure on him and we're financing a son at Uni although we have managed OK for the last months on reduced wages.
Also I feel it's a bit like admitting to myself that my high flying nursing career is over.........not that I wanted to go any further up the ladder really.
I know this is a waffley jumble but I'm really not sure.
Part of me thinks I'm giving in to the disease part of me thinks it's sensible to stay within my capabilities and not push it. I never again want to feel how i did last summer.
Please advise me all you experienced lupies................even if its just a sympatetic hug or a swift kick up the pants for being so indecisive ...........sorry brain turning to mush now so I'd better stop.