Dating someone with Lupus

Hi Ryan,

You sound like a great guy, trying to learn more about this illness and be there for your girlfriend.

Sometimes when a flare starts, it is completely overwhelming & terrifying and could certainly cause mood swings.

I can say for myself that when I begin to feel ill, I am terribly mean and moody and unfortunately my husband feels the major brunt of it. For me, it is beacuse I cant do the things I want to or need to do...be the wife, friend, mom to everyone. It makes me angry and I guess it spills outward...

I can suggest reading the posts on this site..it will give you some good insight about what your girlfriend may be experiencing. My husband used this site when we were dating and he said it helped him understand how I was feeling alot.

Keep your lines of communication open..that's the concrete that holds relationships together.

Take care,
Sharon

Hi Ryan, you know it occurs to me that when your girlfriend isn't calling you for a couple days, she might just be plain too sick to do anything. She's not ignoring you. It's just that she has no energy even to pick up a telephone, much less carry on a conversation.

I'd been married almost 20 years when I got sick with this business. It was a massive shakeup to our relationship and we both had to learn to be together differently. Sometimes I am just too sick, tired, in pain to be a good partner. My husband has learned that it doesn't mean I don't love him. Only that my body has put limits on what I can do.

Most of us are used to doing as we intend. If we are a bit tired, we just push a bit harder. But once a person is really ill with a chronic illness, particularly in a flare, life changes. Push all you want..... might as well be pushing a great big ol' boulder.

I know this is hard and frustrating. You deserve commendations for standing by your girl. She needs love and understanding. This disease robs us of careers, income, friends, activities, hobbies..... it would be horrible to let it rob your pretty girl of love.

Hugs and good wishes,
Sunny

The last entry in this tread was some time ago. I'm not sure if anyone is still posting here, but oh well. More than anything I wanted to thank you for the participation and comments. I recently met a girl at work. I've made it a rule to not date anyone I work with, and I've had many opportunities, but the more and more I'd run into her and chat the more I wanted to know more about her. So we finally started talking and eventually went out. About a month after we started dating she told me she had lupus, which I knew nothing about, and gave me a brief description (sugar coated) of how it affects her. About a month after that we were texting / chatting like usual and the next day she was gone and disappeared for almost 2 weeks before I heard from her sister who saw my texts and calls and inferred that I was genuinely concerned (remember I'm some new guy in her life). During that time I was very worried and missed her very much. Then a few days after that I heard from her (on my birthday so it made my day) and saw her briefly a few days after that. I've done more research on Lupus since then, but since she hasn't went into detail as to what she really goes through I was very thankful to read what was on this thread - it really hit home. I still do not know this girl that well, but I recognized something special about her early on, and every time we are together it feels really good to be around her. I haven’t seen her for a couple of weeks; she’s tried, but then doesn’t feel good the day of. I will continue to be in her life as much as she lets me and see where this goes, but it was a blessing to find this site and get more insight to the realities of this disease. Especially since guys can get insecure about certain things the understanding this site offers is priceless, and although I consider myself on the secure side, but the site gave me a grater appreciation for this situation. Any feedback or comments would be greatly appreciated.