depressed

270 Views 5 Replies 6 Participants Last post by cad, Feb 4, 2009

setApart

Discussion Starter · Jan 25, 2009

Well I'm sorry to vent but I have to have someone to talk to. First of all I'm having a bad flare right now and to top it off my appt to my rheumie it next tues and we are expecting a bad ice storm. I've had a bad rash developing on my chest and shoulders it looks kinda pimply-like really red but has lighted up today and my butterfly rash was burning and red as well but is better today as well. Now I have what appears to be vasculitis on my lower legs and my right toe has been getting numb and feet have been hurting when I stand on them for any amout of time, I've also had attacks of raynauds on my feet were they get so cold I can stand on them any longer and the only solution is to get hot bath to relieve the pain of throbbing:sad:. Then the fatigue is another story I do good to go to work then come home and make sure all 3 kids have their homework done, baths, then I callapse for next day.

On top of all this my husband has been saying hurtful things to me like "Are you ever gonna get better" That's like asking someone with cancer are you ever gonna get better? Then the other day I said I just don't feel good then he said "When do ever feel good". He has no sympathy whatsover and I have no one to vent to but you guys. I don't tell my mom any of my health prob's because I don't want her to worry. The vasculitis rash is concerning to me I currently have asthma, positive APS, Varicose veins prob's. I almost wonder if I should go to the ER, but then again my husband is always complaining about the cost of that as well. Sorry to vent but I just need someone to talk to. I'm on antidepressants and it's hard for me to cry I want to, not sure if that makes any sense. :sad:

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LolaLola

· #2 · Jan 25, 2009

Hello There,
No wonder you feel down. One thing I would say is that your Mum almost certainly knows something is wrong, so you are not really shielding her. I would guess that she would welcome a chance for you to tell her how things are. Don't feel guilty, you are ill not a bad person.
Wish I could say more, but we are all here for you.
x Lola

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Joandublin

· #3 · Jan 25, 2009

Oh dear :hugbetter:

You have such a lot to contend with at the moment. My hat is off to you being able to go to work and look after three kids as well. I only have one to look after and lately every evening when I get home from work I am crashing out on the sofa until I can drag myself up to bed.

Im really sorry your hubby is so insensitive

No wonder you want to cry. Does your mother live near you? I know if you were my daughter I would be terribly upset to think you didnt let me know how bad things were for you right now. Put the shoe on the other foot and imagine one of your children being in trouble and not telling you. Please talk to your mom about all of this because you surely cant continue this way without some support or help.

I hope that ice storm doesnt prevent you from attending your appointment on Tuesday :worried: But of course you couldnt take the risk of going if the conditions might be dangerous. I dont know what to say to you about that one. If you do manage to get there please let your Rheumy know how bad things have gotten and about your poor quality of life at the moment.

Come here any time you want if you need to vent but please also consider talking to your Mom or a good friend about how difficult things are right now.

Let us know how you are and if you managed to get to your appointment.

Much love
Joan:rose:

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confused1

· #4 · Jan 26, 2009

You have all my admiration for getting through a work day AND caring for your children. That's a big accomplishment for a healthy person. And you are not healthy. I think you're brave and amazingly strong. At the same time, you need help. I think Joann is right about your mom. She will most certainly want to know and be able to comfort you and be supportive.

Your husband... well, he's just being insensitive and cruel. I'm sorry you have to deal with that as well as a disease that causes so much discomfort. Do you have a friend who will listen and maybe even help a bit? I depend greatly on my friends.

Well, I'm rambling and not terribly helpful tonight. Not the best day with words. But do come and vent here any time. Everybody here cares and understands. And I hope you know that there comes a time when something has to change. Many of us have had to put aside careers because of this disease. Or ask for help.

Hugs,
Sunny

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elle-co

· #5 · Jan 26, 2009

I agree with sunny that your husband is being insensitive and cruel. Some love, affection and sympathy is what you need right now!!!
It so hard to manage this disease without having to raise children. It sounds like you are a very brave and caring woman. Please don't be afraid to take some time out for yourself once in a while.
I hope your appointment goes well.
Take care
Elle x

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cad

· #6 · Feb 4, 2009

HI,
Oh how awful.
As other have said I too think you are amazingly strong to carry on with all your commitments and look after your children when you are feeling so ill and doing that and trying not to ket your awful feeling seep out onti yor family is very very tough. Especially when then yu ahev to deal with comments such as your husbands, that was very mean and very selfish!

Of course it would be wonderful if there was a miralce cure or the disease just decided to behave and leave you in peace but its not like that is it!!!
And you should be value for all the efforts you are making despite feeling so awful not being made to feel like you are to blame for being ill or you soemhow have any control over how well you are.

Maybe you should talk to your mum, I know you are trying to protect her but maybe it would really help to share your troubles with her, or a close friend who will not rough up your husband!!!

I really hope things get better for you.

Take Care

Cassie

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