[sjink]

Oh well.

I guess I sort of knew this was coming, I saw the GP practice mental health nurse today, spent most of the time crying. Says I am severely depressed with a huge anxiety component but because of all my allergies and because of the lupus I need to see a psychiatrist. GP dare not prescribe an anti-anxiety drug because I have had such bad reactions to SSRIs in the past.

Can't stop crying to be honest. Wretched lupus has done it again, it is so hard to keep upbeat and I have been doing really well, but my capacity for stress has just gone to zero.

Am told I will hear from the referral agency about time scale for appointment within a week. Hope its not too long a wait after that. Lupus nurse on holiday as well, so can't talk to her.

Well I have been here before but am finding it so hard. Could do with some support through this as am pretty sure the CNS involvement has started up again. Oh well, need to mop my eyes my friend is due round. Luckily she will understand as she has ME.

Thanks for listening.
Sara

 

[annada]

Hi Sara

I may be wrong about this, it's been awhile for me, but being seen by a mental health pro. was one of the things I was told that helped confirm the need for the anti-depressant and just to what extent I was depressed (mildly, severely, ect). You need to go and tell him what is going on with you sweetie, these Dr.s have seen and heard everything, don't be afraid with them, I know it is hard but you will make it through this and get the RIGHT kind of medication. Lupus is evil, it destroys from within and outside. I hope you can get in to see the Dr. soon and try to get it together to tell him what you're feeling. I'm sure that they can and will help you and you'll be better soon!!!

Hugs to you,
annada

 

[pennylp]

Hi Sarah,

I am so sorry that you are feeling this low... I wish I could say or do something to make you feel better... I know you are going through so much at the moment and all this is overwhelming....
Just know I am here for you if you need to talk... I have a good ear for listening... And I am good at being a friend...

Sending you my support and love and lots of hugs :hug:

:love2: love Penny

 

[sjink]

Hi Annanda
Thank you and yes you are right, just seeing the mental health nurse today told it to me. I do need help and I will be honest. Lupus is evil and I need some medication that works and this is the only way to sort it, its a pain being allergic to Prozac and such. I feel a little bit calmer just having admitted how low I have got. ONe day at a time fr a bit. I really do appreciate your support. thank you. sara. x

 

[sjink]

Thank you Penny
Think I going to try and sleep for a bit this afternoon.
Just the waiting now will be hard.
I relly apreciate your support.
Sara
x x x

 

[Joandublin]

Dear Sara

Well done on getting through what must have been a very difficult appointment for you. It just drains the very bones of a person to sit crying in front of someone like that but they are there to help you and I hope you get that appointment as soon as possible :hugbetter: :hugbetter:

Im glad you have such an understanding friend. They are hard to come by but worth their weight in gold when you have one.

Hang in there dear woman. You can certainly use these boards as a place to get some support while you are working on getting better :hug:

Much love and strength
Joan:rose:

 

[tbunny1]

Hi Sara-
Please do not feel alone in this. I personally am under a psychiatrists care, and he has become one of my favorite doctors. I know there are many more out there that struggle with depression as well.

Most people with a chronic illness will experience depression at some point in time. The trick is deciding if this is a treatment you will need long term, and how your current medical conditions and medications will interact with psychiatric drugs.

I should not be that much different than any other MD that you make an appt. with, except this doctor will ask questions about your mood instead of physical symptoms.

Please don't confuse a psychiatrist (a medical doctor that specializes in the functioning of the brain) with a psychologist, who is not a medical doctor and practices the familiar "talk therapy". You may come to find you benefit from seeing both types of mental health professionals!

There is nothing to be ashamed of. Hang in there!:thumbs:

 

[sjink]

Hi Joan and Tracy
Thanks for your replies and your support it is very welcome.

I am, to be honest, rather relieved that I am seeing a psychiatrist again. Yesterday I was just in shock as I was faced with the fact that I had been slowly losing the plot and not realised how depressed I was. I saw a very nice psychiatrist when I had a CNS flare in 2001 and lots of allergies plus very similar symptoms of overwhelming panic and depression. I am just a bit shocked that I had not noticed how down and anxious I was getting. I knew I was feeling physically worse and getting anxious but had not notice the depression. My partner, bless him, encouraged me both to get on this list again and also to go to the docs on Thursday. He could not bear me "soldiering on" as if nothing was wrong. I think my embarrassment is all to do with my niaivity (sp) and lack of insight. It is several years since I have been this unable to cope.

The practice mental health nurse was pretty amazing (he has won awards for his work with depression) and teased out the confusion I was feeling. He pointed out to me that I was only behaving typically given my background (research psychologist) and thinking I could cope, in fact I was trying to be too perfect and too together under the immense stress of a chronic illness that does not let up. He is also referring me to have my pain medication assessed and I have agreed to rebook onto a pain management course that I did in 2002 and which really helped me manage depression and pain.

I woke up this morning still very anxious and down but with a glimmer of determination to a) accept how I feel and b) do what I can and not panic about the things I cannot do at the moment. I had breakfast brought to me in bed and I also slept better than I have in days. Nurse and partner have told me I am a "patient" for the next few days so all I have to do now is not slip into striving to be the perfect patient ha ha. On that note its back to bed with me for a bit.

Thank you again.
I hope you have a lovely weekend.
Love Sara

 

[LolaLola]

Dear Sarah,
I hope you have a good weekend. CNS issues are quite a big deal. I have them too. Am here anytime if you wish to PM me.
Is the photo your cat? I am proud owner of two and one stray!
x Lola

 

[sjink]

Dear Lola,

Thank you. I don't have Messenger working at the moment, and my brain a bit too woolly to install it just yet! But I do intend to do it.

Yes CNS stuff is quite a big deal, not all my friends know it hits my poor brain as people are so weird about mental health stuff. My family and good mates do though. My classic episode was hearing brass bands playing out in the garden... I don't even like brass band music. :lol:

The photo is of "Fluffy" she is no longer with us as she died 18 months ago. But I thought her pic appropriate for this list as she was my soul mate. A friend gave her to us just when I was diagnosed and she kept me company through the thick and thin when the Lupus began to take a serious grip on me. From that period on, even though I recovered a lot, she always could sense when I was flaring before me or my partner noticed.

We are in an apartment now, 6 floors up in the city so can't really have a cat, would be too scared of her going on the balcony and cats like the outdoors, well Fluffy did. Cats are just the best animals, but border collies come a close second. I had a lovely border collie but had to leave him with friends when i moved into the city, as he grew up on a farm and did not like traffic at all.

I would like to chat about the CNS stuff, so when I am a bit perkier I will sort it out. Is it Yahoo you use? That is the one I used to use. I have a Mac so have apple chat as well I think.

Hope you have a good weekend
Love
Sara

 

[halfpintfl]

Hi Sara, Hi hon, know what? you are purely normal. Anyone that has a chronic
disease, of any kind, will have chronic depression. That's just the way it works.
I used to start to cry at the toilet-paper commercials, and cried all the way thru.
Poor Hubby, he thought I had been brainwashed by little green aliens. I finally
gave in, got put on an antidepressant, and it has changed my life. I still have bad days, I think we all do, but now life is better. I hope that you are better too.

 

[helloos]

Hi Sara

I am sorry to hear that you were feeling so down but really glad that you have reached out to get help. You seem like such a strong person and I believe that you are going to be a good patient. Let them pamper you right now and be treated like a queen ! The first step is admitting that you are in need of help. The second is actually making the call to get it. The rest is day by day. Take some comfort knowing that you are on your way for feeling better. Glad that they will look at your medications and more relief for pain. Perhaps that will help.

I notice that when I am in more pain, more depressed.

So it may be when your pain level is at a reasonable level, you may be feeling a bit more cheery.

Hope you feel better really soon.

 

[Eileen T]

Hang on in there Sara - I really feel for you, as anxiety and depression are hideous. Hopefully you get the right sort of medication that agrees with you - soon! A big hug to you, Eileen x

 

[oesa]

Hang in there Sara - we're all here for you, and it sounds like you're on the right road to getting the help you need.

Big hugs,

Lisa

 

[pippa10]

Am I missing something or are the last three posts answers to a post Sara made in 2008?

 

[Katharine]

You are not missing something Pippa. I'm closing this thread for that very reason.

Katharine