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Discussion Starter #1
OK

How about this then?

The building work is going OK on the house. Life is busy and tiring. In fact the world can stop any time now for me.

This little episode has just about finished off the last remnants of my fragile pride.

Yesterday I went to the loo. Needed my morning poo, quite frankly.

I laid a towel over the floor boards so nobody in the kitchen could look up and inadvertently catch a glimpse, and then I sat down and had my poo as quietly as I could cos the builders were around.

Not easy is it?

I know it is feeble, but I feel I should point out here, that like many on the site, I am on a concoction of medication. This means I now produce the most evil piles in Christendom ... and they were not flattering before, let me tell you!

Back to the point. I flushed the loo.

To my horror :eek: I then heard a loud man-scream and a frantic squelching of great big running feet. :worried:

'Turns out' one of my builders had removed the poo pipe outside just below the level of the bathroom and he was digging a new trench to replace the old sewer pipe in the ground directly under where the poo pipe should have been.

Yes .... I think you might have got it. :blush:

The other builders were killing themselves laughing at him whilst they shouted up at me not to let anybody else use the loo cos I had just s--t (their language, not mine - sorry) on some chap called Damian ...

In actual fact this was a lie. I missed him, but did give him a nasty fright forcing him to move faster than he had in many years.

Obviously I was mortified, :blush::blush::blush: so I figured the best thing I could do was at least get down there fast and remove the offending item so he could carry on digging whilst keeping his breakfast in his stomach.

Sad to relate, I had a hazy recollection of ingesting sweetcorn at tea time the day before.

Anyway, galvanized and red-faced, I went down, apologized, and approached the trench. I actually experienced a tinge of relief because there were no bits of sweetcorn attached to the outside wall of the house. It had clearly dropped straight down nice and tidily, I thought.;)

Hmm ... No such luck. The medication I suppose. Anyway - the 'thing' had traveled downwards three stories, hit the ground hard and ricocheted EVERYWHERE!

I mean, it was IMPOSSIBLE to find something to pick up - if you get my meaning. EVERYWHERE, it was. Truly madly badly.

I raced back up to the bathroom to flush the loo a few times in the hope that would wash it away, but no. With no pipe attached the water just sputtered and belched out not really firing anywhere in particular, so there was no directed force to blast anything satisfactorily.

All I could think to do was race back down again, chuck some sand over it and leave the site fast. All the racing was about trying to avoid the builders having a good look at it. Funny how possessive we are about keeping our poos secret, isn't it? Can't imagine why.

Anyway, to my shame, that's what I did. And now everybody in the village knows I pood on a Burnley fan.

It seems I will be a legend amongst Rovers supporters.

Shame I daren't leave the house to received my fans.

Well - if any of you can beat this one I'd be awfully grateful.
 

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Oh my goodness, I can't speak I'm laughing so hard... :lol: :rotfl: :lol: You need to publish that somewhere on the 'net' in a blog or something...

I visit another site and they have "Most embarassing moment thread".. but you have all of those stories beat ! :rotfl: :lol: :rotfl: :lol: :rotfl:
 

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I think that's more than a bit too much information Alwin :sick:

love
Lily
 

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Were are so embarassed for you Alwin :eek:, my whole family read this post (myself, my hubby, and the boys 6,8,& 9 years old -the 3 year old did not have a clue)!

So hilarious though :lol:, I hope you have recovered from the ordeal!:rolleyes:

It must be a time like this that you wished you lived in a big city and not such a small village!

Lesley
 

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I haven't laughed so much in ages!!

Katharine
 

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Thank you sooooooo much. A truly terrible day until I stumbled upon your post. Although I feel for you I never laughed so hard
 

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Well Alwin now that I have sort of stopped laughing:rotfl: I don't think I have anything that comes close to that, not by a long shot. My husband was looking over my shoulder cos I was laughing so much..... I now need to go pick him up!!! :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Claire
 

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Oh,Alwin,you poor thing ,that is soooo embarrassing...but I just hooted..sorry!:lol:
So much sympathy with the building thing,I can't top yours by a long shot,but I did walk out of my house(also being renovated)trying to look semi in control ,smack bang into the scaffolding the other day and nearly knocked myself out,much to the amusement of the builders.I have walked out of the house with yesterdays knickers dangling from the bottom of my jeans and not realised before now,There was also an incident of going into ....oh,no can't say that on here...but anyway,no,nothing that matches up to your poo incident.It's bad enough having a septic tank emptied... the sweetcorn always floats on the top:lol:
Stick to public loos in future and get hubby to deal with the builders:rotfl:thanks for making me laugh so much,
Julsie
 

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Yep, I think that you my most embarrassing moment beat.

At least you might not see them again after the constructions is done?

Thanks for the laugh.

Nutty
 

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Alwin, your such an amazing writer.
I laughted till I cried reading that post. Thats the funniest poo story I have ever heard.

I just cant imagine anything more exposing, anything.....well maybe some nakedness.....

Nicky
 

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omg, what an amazing story. Yep, that one tops any story I can come up with!

What idiotic builders not to tell you that they'd taken that pipe away, I think they deserved what they got.

cheers

raglet
 

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Oh Alwin,

I am hysterical reading this post.

What a great way to start off a Monday.....thank you!:bigsmile::bigsmile::bigsmile:
 

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Alwin, this is nowhere near yours but may make you feel better. A girl I knew went out on a first date with a spohisticated rich older man. She drank far more than usual, ate exotic food and then simultaneously had diarrhoea and vomited in his posh car.
They did end up staying together for some years and he always told people he hadn't known which end of her he ought to hang out of the car.
x Lola
 

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Discussion Starter #16
Julsie - great idea - use the public loos! I had not thought of that.

It would be brilliant, but in our village we only have one lot of public loos and they are walk-through male urinals ... not a single toilet let alone cubicle. I know cos i've had a look, so I think I'll give it a miss!

LolaLola - Thank you so much! I think your friend's incident was faaaaar worse!

I feel quite superior now! :rotfl:
 

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Alwin,
Thank you for sharing your horror story. I have to agree that if they did not tell the pipe was gone-they did deserve it:lol: Idiots!!!!!!!!


:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:I enjoyed the much needed laugh.


Becca
 

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Alwin,

I thought that I had put myself in some qu9ite embarassing situations in my 38 years of life, however, there are none of them could touch your story. I can only imagine, with a wicked grin, what a "man-scream" actually is, but I am sure it was more humorous than my mind can conjure up.

Hope everything else that day came out okay.

Nancy
 

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AHHHHHHHHAA

Ok, between all that I am laughing and saying gross at the same time.

But why on earth would they not tell you anyway? Hello????

This should go in the books.
 

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Hello Alwin,

You are really a hoot... I am laughing so hard ...:rotfl::rotfl:... I dont think anyone can can do better than that... but I do have one for you...

The year was 1969 the year of the micro mini skirt... I had just started going out with my now husband George... I was fourteen and he was nineteen... His parents were not too impressed that he was going out with a girl as young as me...
George and I were at the library one day after school and his parents were going to pick us up... I had never met them before... So of course I was going to show them that I was no imature fourteen year old... I was going to show them that I was so much more mature for my age... I was more like a seventeen year old than a fourteen year old....
They arived in the shiny new 1969 LTD>>> my books were on the step, I let George pick them up like a gentleman... And I leaned on the railing... Only to find out that there was no railing and head over heals I fell off the library steps upside down in a bush with my micro mini skirt somewhere nicely wrapped around my head... with feet up in the air... How do you do.. I Am Penny....
I laughed for a week after...

pretty embarassing.. Good thing my mother always told me to wear clean underwear...

Love Penny
 
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