The Lupus Forum banner
1 - 11 of 11 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
528 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi all,

I am feeling a little down tonight. It seems like everything is just wrong.

First, it has been 4 weeks since my myomectomy/laparotomy and I still have this nerve pain and numbness on my left side that concerns me. I have this sort of rubberband tight feeling when I walk. I haven't started driving yet, I might give it a shot tomorrow. I still am pretty swollen and can't fit into my clothes other than the pjs I bought a size too big before surgery. The doc says that the numbness and swelling could last a few months or longer and that each person is different. I have 2 weeks left off work.

Second, my bf hasn't really been around. He didn't come see me at the hospital the day of surgery. In the last 4 weeks he has only come to see me 11 times for a max of an hour, mostly less than an hour. We hardly talk on the phone, he is always sleeping, or so he says. I have been staying at my parents for recovery and have had a lot of time to think. Things have been going down hill with him since around Christmas. I just don't know what to think anymore and I am sort of thinking about ending things. If he acts like this, how will he act with something a lot more serious?

Third, my apartment sent me a lease renewal notice and they raised my rent over $100 a month. I can't afford that, so I will need to move in June. I don't know where I will move to. My parents think I should move back home and pay off my credit cards and then save to buy a place. I know that is the logical thing to do, but I just feel like I need to be on my own and I want to buy my own place. My dad says that with how the market is the prices will be dropping even more and I don't want to buy something that may turn out to be overpriced in 2 years and lose money on it.

Not to mention I got a haircut that I don't like tonight, so that is just adding to my blah mood.

My mom is telling me tonight that the doctor said that stress is not good for me right now. I told her that I can't live in a bubble and I can't not have stress with all that is going on. It's not like I can stop time so that stress doesn't happen.

I am not happy with how I look since surgery, I am not happy with my bf, I have so much to do to get ready to move and I need to decide where I am moving to, my recovery is slower than I had anticipated, and I am still in pain. I know, this too shall pass.

Thanks for listening.

Take care,
Lisa
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
931 Posts
(((((((((((Lisa))))))))))))) :hugbetter:

I don't really have any advice, but wanted to send loads and loads of chocolates and hugs your way :grouphug2: :grhug:

:foryou:

I hope you feel better soon,

Zoi
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
154 Posts
Hi Lisa

Sorry to hear you're in pain... also don't think I'd be very understanding if my partner didn't come with me or support me if I were in hospital.

Hope you feel better soon!:)

X T X
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,640 Posts
Hi Lisa,

I am sorry, your feeling so blue, and in pain now. Hopefully, each new day will find you feeling, a little less swollen, and in less pain.

It is difficult to feel so ill, and then to make difficult choices on top of it.

Maybe, in a week or two, you will feel more able to make the choices, that are necessary for you.

I am hoping that you will feel better by then. Please take good care, and pamper yourself..you, have been through a lot.

Love,
Sandy
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
7,800 Posts
Hi Lisa,

I'm sorry to hear you're feeling so blue. I think that with all you've been through you have a right to feel down. I hope that just writing it down and venting a little helps, sometimes it does.

As, for the boyfriend, well, I am a direct person but I'd probably be asking myself a few questions there too, especially if you've tried talking about it and not had very convincing answers :wall:

hugs to you and here's to better days!!!

Katharine
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
300 Posts
Lisa,

You sound like you are going through a lot...seems only natural to feel so down. I think we all go through the "what next" phase when facing a chronic illness because it seems like everything comes at us at once..personally and medically. The phrase "when it rains it pours" rings true.

Right now you need support, and it does not sound like you are getting it from your bf. I think you need to talk to him very frankly and decide if he is helping you cope or contributing to the way you feel.

Sending you lots of ((hugs)) and good thoughts/prayers. Hopefully today will be a better day :)

Sharon
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,267 Posts
((((((((((((Lisa)))))))))))))

I am sorry you are feeling so down. I can only say this, that after some surgeries, it does make you more depressed. Try to remember that. After my major surgery, I was unable to do what I wanted for what I thought 6 weeks, turned into well over 2 months. Sit, sit and sit is all I could do and stayed on the couch. It becomes depressing and yes, you have much more time to think about things and "stress" because you don't have anything else to do ! At least that is what I did.

I had a certain amount of time off from work too, and then then infections set in and had to stay out a lot longer. My work would not let me back without a doctors note and the doctor would not let me go back. Is it something you can get your doctor to write to help you stay out and heal a little more time?

I wish I lived closer as I would come by and bring you a nice ice coffee. I know it is cold her but I still enjoy a nice ice coffee from Dunkin Donuts. :)

Now why don't you like your haircut? Usually when I am feeling bad and I get a haircut it makes me feel better. Maybe you could try styling it a little different today. Or call that hairdresser and maybe she can fix what you don't like.

As far as your apartment, sometimes, if the tenant is considered a good tenant, the owner would rather keep the price at what it is at then lose that tenant. Have you tried to talk with the owner to allow you to stay for say at least another year at the same price? I know what you mean about moving back home and I hope that you can come to your decision comfortably. Buying is always an option and since the prices are coming down and it is considered a buyer's market, I don't think you will be over paying as their are some good deals out there. Of course I am talking about my area :lol:

Lisa - you are a such a nice person and are always putting everyone else first. You are always so encouraging and kind to everyone hear and always me too ! So you deserve to have good things happen to you. Maybe this is a turning point in your life for good things to start happening.

Sending you hugs and get well wishes and hope you feel better really soon.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
301 Posts
Hi Lisa

So sorry you are feeling yuk and having to cope with all your stresses. Having had many gynae surgeries in the past and having a husband who wouldn't even visit me in hospital :hehe: , I have an idea what you might be facing. At least you have your Mum who is there for you at this trying time.

It is hard to not worry about things but the main thing is for you to heal and gain strength before you start tackling any problems. WRT to your bf, if I was in your position I would get to the bottom of his problem (with my husband, he cannot cope with illness and hospitals freaked him out - took a long time for him to admit it to me and a long time for me to stop being angry towards him), then you may be able to see a part of the stress relieved.

Sending cyber choccies and lots of love

Judi xx
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
82 Posts
Dear Lisa:

I'm so sorry your feeling so blue. It's hard enough for us in dealing with the Lupus and the other things that pop up as a result of it and takes us much longer to heal from surgeries than other individuals that don't have Lupus or other autoimmune diseases. Be good to yourself, love yourself, and put yourself above anyone else. I also know how difficult it is to have other things that come about like finances that can bring us down, but we always find a way to make through our every day struggles. Maybe you could ask for help from family, friends or your community. You'd be surprised at what you can find out just by talking to others. The boyfriend situation, I'd recommend sitting down and having a heart to heart with him. Tell him how you feel and find out where he's at with you and where he wants to go in the relationship. Men want to fix things and don't show or share their true emotions. You deserve to be respected, loved and cherished.

I'm sending you good wishes and hoping for happier days ahead for you. I also hope you start feeling better soon too. Lots of hugs.

Love -- SusieBB
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
528 Posts
Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Thank you all for your well wishes. I appreciate it.

I am feeling better now physically. I do have this hip pain periodically that I didn't have before surgery. Last night, I ordered new pants for at work, I am 4 inches larger in my waist. I hope that goes down as well.

As for the bf, he is just an ass, except today is he acting really nice. Yesterday, I had brought up how he hasn't been putting in effort and asked why he wasn't at the hospital the day of surgery. His response was that he was there and that I was all groggy and that my mom told him he couldn't stay. Unbelievable, lied through his teeth. I wasn't so groggy that I didn't remember things. He was not there. I even double checked that fact with my parents and they said he wasn't there. My mom had called him on the phone and he told her that I said that I didn't want him to come because I didn't want him to see me like that.

So, I got to thinking that I can't be with a person who just feeds my BS instead of taking responsibility. Of course, today he is trying to be all nice and attentive. I feel like I am just being toyed with. I am trying to come up with the words that I am going to say to him.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
154 Posts
Hi Lisa. So glad you're felling better! Has your new hairstyle "grown" on you yet? I hope so.
Know of quite a few people like Judi's hubby who are freaked out by hospitals and I think I can understand that to a certain degree but lying really freaks my bean. It is such a waste of energy and the truth always comes out. Perhaps you should ask him to cut the BS and tell you what the REAL prob is... maybe it's something he finds embarrassing. He seems to be giving such mixed signals... I hope you can work it out and do what's best for yourself right now.
X T X
 
1 - 11 of 11 Posts
Top