Hi there
I just wanted to ask those of you out there who have or have had small children - how do you explain the fact that mummy is ill to your children (mine are 3 and 4)? Today my three year old just broke my heart - I said to her that I loved having snuggles and they made me happy, and she said 'If I give you extra snuggles will not be poorly any more mummy?' I can't bear the idea that she should feel responsible for my health, and yet every day it has a bearing on their lives - whether we can go swimming or to the park, whether I can push them on a swing or pick them up, whether they have to be quiet, or slow, or gentle. I feel like I am constantly saying no to them, no I can't do that it hurts me. We do have great fun together of course but I seem to have been ill so much recently and it must be affecting them.
How do I make it clear that it's not their fault? That it doesn't really matter, that everything is fine? I worry that they copy me, as of course they learn so much by example, that I'll make them into hypochondriacs, that I'll make them fearful of their own bodies. My son will say things like 'I can't put my shoes on this morning, my hands don't work very well' which is of course exactly what I say. Or 'I'm just too tired to do that now'.
How do I get through this minefield? It matters so much to me that this mean old lupus doesn't prevent them from feeling the freedom children deserve, and that they should not suffer from my pain. My husband is wonderful about it and takes it all in his stride, but his attitude is basically 'they are fine, everything is fine, stop worrying and take your pills and wait for the flare to pass
' which is quite true of course, but I can't help worrying!
What are your experiences and does anyone have any help on this one?
x Hatty
I just wanted to ask those of you out there who have or have had small children - how do you explain the fact that mummy is ill to your children (mine are 3 and 4)? Today my three year old just broke my heart - I said to her that I loved having snuggles and they made me happy, and she said 'If I give you extra snuggles will not be poorly any more mummy?' I can't bear the idea that she should feel responsible for my health, and yet every day it has a bearing on their lives - whether we can go swimming or to the park, whether I can push them on a swing or pick them up, whether they have to be quiet, or slow, or gentle. I feel like I am constantly saying no to them, no I can't do that it hurts me. We do have great fun together of course but I seem to have been ill so much recently and it must be affecting them.
How do I make it clear that it's not their fault? That it doesn't really matter, that everything is fine? I worry that they copy me, as of course they learn so much by example, that I'll make them into hypochondriacs, that I'll make them fearful of their own bodies. My son will say things like 'I can't put my shoes on this morning, my hands don't work very well' which is of course exactly what I say. Or 'I'm just too tired to do that now'.
How do I get through this minefield? It matters so much to me that this mean old lupus doesn't prevent them from feeling the freedom children deserve, and that they should not suffer from my pain. My husband is wonderful about it and takes it all in his stride, but his attitude is basically 'they are fine, everything is fine, stop worrying and take your pills and wait for the flare to pass
What are your experiences and does anyone have any help on this one?
x Hatty