TheLupusSite.com banner

1 - 9 of 9 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
2 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
i am new. have had lupus for 8 years. experienced thus far much pain, sadness, stage 4 nephritis, hip replacement. have ulcerative colitis. despite all that, my biggest prob is strech marks at the moment. i recieved prednisone, o joy, very high levels for a long time, the result is at least 40% of me is covered in them. i have been single forever it seems, and think ive met my cosmic twin. i am horrified at the thought of him seeing me as nature intended. how do i explain all the crap that has happened? he is a wonderful person, but i am afraid of scaring him. it has happened before. he is independant, hard worker. i am the same, but feel these things may make me look weak. perhaps im thinking too hard, no matter what i do he may freak out. or he is the one and wont care. ive just been waiting so long to meet him, if he gets scared off i never want to try again.:sad::worried:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,003 Posts
Hi there

A big warm welcome to the forum!..I'm sorry you have been through so much with your health :sad: I'm glad you have found us though,the forum is a wonderful place for support,knowledge & understanding.

It's understandable that you're feeling a bit insecure about your new relationship..failed relationships & living with a chronic illness can lead to feeling vulnerable :sad:

your new man sounds lovely..& as you said he is wonderful,caring & your cosmic twin so I'm sure he will accept you 'warts & all'... your boyfriend fell in love with you for who you are...your illness is just a part of you,it's not YOU.
also maybe the others in the past weren't the right one for you :wink2:

sorry I hope this doesn't sound patronising,I can empathise with you because I felt exactly the same way when I met my hubby 14 & a half years ago...he was also a very hard worker,(still is!) & at the time I thought I would be a burden!.but here we are still together & going strong :)

I have also learned over the years that living with a chronic illness can actually make us stronger. :) It can make us a little more vulnerable but deep down we are stronger for coping with it..you seem like a strong determined lady to me! :)

I wish you lot's of luck & happiness, please keep us updated.
love karen x
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
7,800 Posts
Hello there and welcome,

I think many people, whether lupus sufferers or not feel vulnerable when faced with someone who sounds so special and most people have some hang up or other (merited or not) concerning their physical appearance.

I met my husband 2 months before coming out of a two year remission. I have since gained 10 kilos (I put weight on when flaring despite not eating differently), can no longer do much physically - we used to love long walks and hiking - but he still loves me.

He is my second husband and after my previous experience I remember being quite "cold" about the whole relationship thing to begin with. I was able to have fun with him and enjoy his company but very much took it one day at a time and figured that if he scarpered for whatever reason then that was life. With every passing difficulty we faced it was as if he had passed a kind of test, except that I never expected him to do so and wasn't really testing him as I'm not like that. I just try and take people as they come but I think I take a long time to really give them my heart or friendship.

Of course, I'm not suggesting that you be "cold". Most times in my life I couldn't have been but at that time it was easy as I had managed to make everything else secure and was happy without anyone.

I suppose, like in any relationship, there will be that difficult, apprehensive time where you feel vulnerable. Somehow we all have to get over it or risk being so scared that we end up alone forever.

bye for now,
Katharine
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2 Posts
Discussion Starter #5
big hugs all around

thank you all for your very kind responses. it helps to know i am not alone. your stories of perserverance give me hope. i really dont know anyone with my disease. i will certainly come here if i need to talk:rolleyes:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,388 Posts
Hi and Welcome!!
My hubby is from Salem, Oregon, but now has lived longer in CA than he did in Or. We visit about every 2 years and I always enjoy it:)

I was "healthy" when I met my hubby, but it was almost harder on him having married one girl and now has a different one. Our marriag has weathered the rough times and I agree with Karen-it has made us stronger. I will be honest though I am uncomfortable with my body because I have a tummy that I did not 11 yrs ago. He too has a tummy though and he is healthy:lol: I love him and his tummy. I think if it is true love then he should love you for your inner beauty not to sound corny.
I hope this helps. My hubby and I have been married for 17 yrs and togehter for 19yrs. 13yrs he has been "saddled" with a sick wife. He is still here-Thank God!

There are many relatinships that have survived this disease- so please be encouraged!!


Hugs,
Becca
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
594 Posts
Hi there, I couldn't help feeling very touched by your post.
I have hd diabetes for 28yrs and as a result of this have nld which has caused terrible scarring down my shins so i can never wear shorts or skirts, i don't even go swimming with my kids now i am awaitin diagnosis of lupus or MCTD, its definately one just not sure which.
I really understnd having those feelings.
When i met my husband i had one chronic illness and i also had 4 children, then i began to get sick 9 mths ago after we had our own son, was first dignosed with hypothyroid and now have had such bad joint problems and pain chronic pain that m becoming disabled.
My husband has excepted all of these things and always says he loves me and will stick with me whatever he loves the person i am and the illness i have don't change wo am i am in myself even if there are days when i have ttacks from diabetes and forget things or am not quite as i was due to illness and medication.
Anyway after all that what i have been trying to say is that if you have been strong enough to deal with the effects of your illness and are independant then your bf will not feel put on and if he loves you and sees that you are struggling then he would only want to help you. I am very
independant and sometimes my husband gets frustrated with me becuse i still want to try and do everything even when i feel really sick!!
I think that you should just be really honest and explain how you feel and you might be suprised by the response.
Its true to have a lasting love it means we love whats on the inside not the outside, everyone loses their looks eventually or gain weight or lose their hair, people have accidents and become disabled.
I 've learnt that things can actually be destroyed by me not feeing good enough, you are good enough, never do tht to yourself.
Sorry for rambling on, i really hope that things work out for you :)
Lots of Luck

Cassie
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
73 Posts
Hi! Sorry I am late in posting. I am kind of busy these days and don't get around to the message boards too often.

I know how you are feeling. I just wanted to tell you I know where you are coming from and I have been there before. All I can do is tell you that if he is the one he will look at you and see past your imperfections. I know it is hard... you feel like this is the one, and if he leaves it is your own fault. It isn't. Just trust that you are perfect the way you are and he will see that in you. Confidence is the key. A guy really admires that in a girl. ( my current boyfriend told me this last summer). If you feel better about it, sit him down and tell him your fears - you will see that if he is really into you, he will laugh that you are thinking too much.

I had a breast reduction when I was 21. I am 35 now. I am ashamed of my scars - which run from under my arm pit on my left side all the way to under my arm pit to my right. (I had to have it done because I was born two cups larger on one side than the other... and really felt shy about it, so I go it fixed). Anyway, i was very very embarrassed over the scars... so I sat down with him and explained why they were there and how I was embarrassed.

It worked out great and so far it has been three years that we are together. Well, together in a sense. He is a fireman and is currently in Iraq. :eek: Scares me but what can you do? He felt he needed to do this.

My point being that if this guy is serious with you... and not just looking for a wham-bam-thank-you-mam... then he will see how beautiful you truly are and see past your imperfections. :)Those guys who did leave you for that... they were not in love with you. Not worth the air they breathe. :huh:
 
1 - 9 of 9 Posts
Top