Feeling like a failure

Hi Elle and (((((((hugs))))))) to you,

It must be so disappointing to have to put that course on hold. I'm so sorry you have had to make that decision. Sometimes, unfortunately we do have to put things on hold, and sometimes we do feel like life itself is on hold which can get us very down.

All I can really do is send you loads of positive vibes and assure you that you are not a failure, you are looking out for yourself and your family. You are somebody who is very important to your family and kids and for that reason you have to look after yourself. No-one who is working, a mum and trying to do a uni course could ever be considered a failure, never mind when living with a chronic disease!

As for stupid comments from colleagues. I'd say most of the time they should just be ignored but sometimes you can just turn it around and say "right, let's say we're not talking about me here. Let's imagine that your 15 year old daughter had a chronic, life threatening disease and that, under doctors orders, she was told to abandon that principal which was dear to her, would you suggest that she put herslef at risk for that principal?"

That might just shut her up. If it doesn't she really isn't worth talking to.

I hope that this rest from uni will be positive, some time for yourself to try and get back on your feet,

:grouphug2:

Katharine

Lost my 1st message, so hear goes again!

Elle, things sound tough at present, I do hope things do get better!

Do you get gluten/lactose free items on prescription?

Legummes are an excellent source of protein e.g. kidney beans, chick peas, harricot beans and lentils - are you allergic to these!

Milk/soya milk - there are substitues that are made of vegetable products, not sure how they taste! My youngest child had prescription formula vegetable milk of all things (it did smell like potatoe peelings though - and I never tasted it!!!)

Eggs - you can buy a powdered vegan substitute which is good for baking!

There are any alternative food products, but I guess you need to do some research and then find some tasty recipes to make!

The Vegan Society and Coeliacs web sites may have receipes and alternative product suggestions!

Anyway, best of luck and I really hope you will do the OU course some day!

Love Lesley

Dear Elle,

I can empathize with how you are feeling as going through low stage at the moment myself. But you don't want to hear that.
I understand about food intolerances as myself am intolerant to wheat, gluten, dairy and foods high in certain fats. I have bought and borrowed some really good recipe books on wheat, gluten and dairy free foods. It is quite fun challenging myself to find different and interesting meals with the overall nutrition I need. There are some good internet sites that have sample recipies on and some of the recipies I have experimented with even my family have enjoyed and didn't realise they were 'my foods', as they call them. The most recent recipe that went down really well - as a treat - was mocha choca brownies, there were most, yummy and gave me the chocolate fix I need now and then.

Explore and experiment and instead of feeling that you have lost control of your life, take the control back by choosing your own menus from your experiments and research into different recipies.

Hope that helps and makes sense. Big hugs and love being sent your way

Beanbag:hugbetter:

Dear Elle,

When Lupus is out of control in our bodies life can seem very grim. Even though I have been living with it for many years I can still get thrown for a loop when it flares up on me. Sometimes it takes our doctors awhile to find the right medications at the right dose to get the Lupus back under control.

I think you used some very positive words as was pointed out by someone else. You have put University classes on hold for now which means you plan on getting back to them in the future. Taking care of little ones is very tiring even for a "normal healthy adult". You also showed that your children are your priority which to me means you are focused where you should be. Some people would neglect, to one degree or another, their children in order to stay on track with University courses.

If you stay focused on today and look for joy and beauty it will make it easier to get through today. I do something I call looking for rainbows, which means I specifically make myself look for something of beauty. I do this mostly when I am down. When I am in a good mood I seem to do it almost automatically. There is great hope for us lupies. There are several medications in the pipeline and other significant research is happening all over the world. We may even see a cure for lupus in our lifetime.

Take care,
Karen

Hi Elle

I'm so sorry that you have been advised to eat meat again. I have been veggie for more than 13 years and would hate to put meat in my mouth BUT if my health demanded it I would do it. At the very least you can console yourself that you will no doubt continue to eat far less meat than the average westerner so you are still helping a little.

I know what you mean about feeling like a failure as well. All my life I have been successful, winning prizes at school, I got an honours degree from a good university, got a job in a coveted profession (publishing) but now I am back at the bottom of the job ladder because I need a stress-free job that doesn't demand overtime because of my health. I am earning peanuts and my boyfriend has been saving for years for us to buy a house and I can't contribute a penny because my health hasn't allowed me to move up in the world the way I always thought I would. I hate that so much.

The only thing to do is remember that we can't help having this disease and there are good times as well as bad. Maybe when you're feeling better you can pick up the OU course again. If you're worried about the time limit running out, you can probably get special dispension because of your health.

Much love, xx